


Quick, But Not Quite Painless

by macabreiero



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: College AU, College!Frank, Frerard, M/M, Vampire AU, and gerards lonely, franks a huge lit nerd, my chemical romance - Freeform, vampire!Gerard, vampire!gee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24157219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabreiero/pseuds/macabreiero
Summary: During a walk one night to clear his mind, Frank runs into an odd man who seems to recognize him. Suddenly, Frank is questioning principles he's had all his life.(Title from 'What's It Feel Like to Be a Ghost' by Taking Back Sunday')
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 117
Kudos: 148





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! my friend and i enjoyed writing we taught ourselves to smile together that we decided to write another thing together as a little separate thing before jumping into that sequel. hope you guys enjoy:)))  
> (ps please read my other ongoing work im writing rn, nothing above nothing below. it's very angsty so if yall like please check it out:)))

###  **Frank**

It had been an exhausting day. After school all day and then having to rush straight to work to pick up somebody’s shift, Frank was finally coming back to his dorm, rubbing his eyes roughly and throwing himself onto his bed. As he tossed his bag onto the ground, the soft guitar picking that was filling the room stopped suddenly. Frank rolled over to see his roommate Ray’s head had shot up, a slightly worried expression on his face. He set the golden Les Paul gently on the bed and leaned back before talking to his friend.

“Rough day?” he teased, a hint of laughter in his voice. Frank just flipped him off and buried his face back into his pillow, groaning loudly. “You wanna talk about it?” Frank adjusted his body so he was laying on his back and gazing blankly at the ceiling. 

“I’m just tired as shit, you know? I’ve been all over the place.” Ray nodded knowingly. 

“You stress yourself out too much, dude. You know just ‘cause somebody asks you to pick up their shift doesn’t mean you have too.”

“I knooooow,” Frank sighed. “I felt bad though.”

“You always feel bad.”

“You’re such an asshole.” Ray smiled and stood up, giving Frank a sly grin. 

“You haven’t moved out yet, so obviously I’m not  _ that  _ bad.” Frank rolled his eyes as Ray moved to the cabinet to grab something. “You want food?”

Frank nodded, sitting up and leaning against his bed. “Just grab me whatever. All I’ve had all day is like… three black coffees and a fucking… a bag of chips or something.”

Ray laughed, turning back briefly. “You need me to pack your lunch or something? I’m practically your mom anyway.”

Frank chuckled to himself, leaning back. “I just need to sleep. Tomorrow won’t be as crazy I think.” He rubbed his eyes again as Ray tossed him an apple. “I think I’m gonna go on a walk. I guess I’m kinda worked up.”

“Good idea.” Ray leaned against the wall as Frank stood up and tossed on a black hoodie, putting the hood up as he briefly waved and left the dorm. It was true that Frank had lately been rather stressed lately, he had just transferred colleges and was completely new to the area. On top of that, he had quite a few big tests coming up and plenty of the professors were willing to spare no mercy for the new boy. And it was the same with his work, everybody knew him as the broke new boy who was willing to work as many hours as possible, meaning picking up shifts for people who just wanted to go out. 

So he had gotten up and was walking through the campus, hands in his hoodie pockets, practically falling asleep standing up. It was early October, so there was a chilly breeze picking up through the streets. Goddammit, he should’ve brought more than just a hoodie because now he was shivering pretty hard as the wind seemed to pick up, blowing the hood off of his head. He sped up his pace, trying to get around the loop he had taken as quick as possible so he could get out of the cold and back into his warm dorm room where he could sleep and for just a couple hours, get out of his stressful life. 

He was staring at his feet as he walked, trying to keep the wind out of his eyes, which soon proved to be a mistake when he felt himself crash into somebody, throwing himself back slightly. He glanced up, still shivering, at the guy walking, wearing a semi-formal suit and a leather jacket, which seemed like odd attire for a walk around a college campus, but Frank thought nothing of it, simply mesmerized by his sharp, beautiful features for a moment. He had dark hair that curled gently as it brushed his shoulders, creating a stark frame for the pale skin of his face. His eyes, a striking shade of hazel that was almost gold, swept up and down Frank’s trembling body with a mix of concern and amusement. Frank couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work, but he tried anyway, nearly biting his tongue in an effort to get words out.

“Fuck, I’m so so sorry,” Frank stammered, wrapping his arms around his middle. “I didn’t see you walking, I was trying to get back to my dorm ‘cause it’s cold and I didn’t realize this wasn’t enough to go out in and fuck, I didn’t see you.”

The man just smiled, his grin completely taking over Frank’s thoughts. It was nothing he’d ever seen before, and he was suddenly wondering where that smile had been all his life. He rubbed his eyes to bring himself back to reality after a moment, trying not to think about this random man he ran into on the street in  _ that _ way. His parents would surely freak if they knew anything of it.

“Don’t worry about it one bit,” the man said, and Frank could have sworn he saw a brief glimmer of recognition in his eyes but it was gone the moment he blinked. “Would you like my jacket? You seem cold.”

Frank blushed, leaning back and hugging himself. “No, no, I couldn’t, you’ll be cold. Plus I need to get back to my dorm…”

The man shook his head and took off his jacket, handing it to Frank. “No, I insist. I’ve got a pretty… strong tolerance for the cold.” Frank grinned and accepted the jacket gratefully. “Actually how about I treat you to a coffee? You seem like you’ve got a lot going on.” Holy fuck, now he was asking him out. Frank didn’t even know this guy’s name and his heart was fluttering at him asking him to coffee. Frank took a breath, trying to calm himself down and push these emotions down as far as possible. Yes, this was quite likely the most gorgeous man that Frank had ever laid his eyes upon, but he  _ wasn’t _ gay. He couldn’t be, he’d get fucking _ disowned _ if he were gay. So he opened his mouth to deny, say he couldn’t go out now, he was ‘busy,’ he had ‘homework,’ he wasn’t supposed to be hanging out with suspiciously beautiful men in the dead of night.

“Of course,” Frank murmured, smiling like an idiot and trying to hide the red on his pale cheeks in the dark. “I-I’m Frank, by the way.”

The man grinned, that same beautiful smile that made Frank weak in his knees the first time. He wanted to see that smile everyday. “I’m Gerard.” He held out his hand so Frank could shake it and he accepted. Gerard slowly lead him to a coffee shop, one Frank was familiar with, a little cafe that many students, including himself, frequented to study or just hang out. When they entered, Gerard held the door open for him with an almost comical flourish of his hand, and for some reason that little gesture brought Frank close to screaming. What a fucking gentleman. He hated his guts.

“Order whatever you want, it’s on me,” Gerard said with a smile and Frank tried his hardest not to look at those golden eyes and just  _ swoon _ , so he just walked forward and just ordered a plain black coffee. Once Gerard had ordered and sat across from him, there were a couple minutes of awkward silence before Gerard started some dry conversation.

“I’ve never seen you around here before. What’re you studying?” Gerard said, taking a sip from his cup. Frank contemplated whether or not he should answer or just ignore him and hope he got the message.

“English,” Frank said quietly, staring at his drink. “Yeah, I just transferred during the fall. So, uh, that’s why you’ve never seen me around.”

Gerard nodded before continuing, “How’re you liking it here?” Frank shrugged. 

“It’s school. Not much different from anywhere else I’ve been, my parents just wanted me a little closer to home. They’re paying for it, so I kinda have to listen. What’re you here for?”

“Me? Oh, I’m not a student. I live in the apartments right off campus,” Gerard said, matter-of-factly. Frank stopped for a moment, that seemed odd to him. This guy seemed rather young, he couldn't be over 25. For him to not be a student but still live near campus… Unless he happened to be gravely mistaken about his age, but Frank just leaned back into the chair and took a sip of his coffee before continuing.

“Oh, hm,” he hummed, “You’re pretty young, what’re you doing instead?”

“I paint,” Gerard said, quietly, “I do regular art shows, usually my pieces sell pretty well.”

“Really? That’s pretty sick,” Frank said with a grin. This guy really was perfect wasn’t he… he was gorgeous, proper,  _ and  _ artsy. “How old are you anyway?” Something flashed across the man’s face, and he cleared his throat before replying. Frank ignored the mild discomfort Gerard seemed to show at the question, just shrugging it off since it seemed like an odd question to be upset over. 

“I’m, er… 24.” Frank just nodded, taking another sip from his coffee. “Why’d you choose to be an English major?”

“I, uh, I’ve always been really into books and shit but lately I’ve been really into like, the evolution of all of it and, er, how classic works influence modern ones. Plus I get to read a lot, which is pretty cool.” He paused, glancing at Gerard, who watched him with a small smile, and had to catch his breath. Why was he so captivating? Frank barely knew him, but here he was, practically drooling over the man across the table. “That and music theory. I love the contrast between what could be considered ‘traditional literature’ and songs. They’re both types of story-telling but they use different methods of getting their points across and it’s always been super fascinating, like the methods they use and the way they’re both regarded. Even when they don't have words, every song tells a story through the melodies and shit.” Frank had started waving his hands around in an effort to convey what it meant to him, but froze when he realized he’d started to ramble and wrapped his hands around his mug again.

"Sorry,” he murmured to himself. “I-I’m just passionate about that, you know?”

“No, don't stop, it’s cute.” Fuck, why was everything about this guy so wonderful? He was so sweet and Frank absolutely hated that he made his heart do cartwheels whenever he smiled. But Frank didn't want to continue anymore, didn't want to see that pleased little grin on his face. 

“Tha-that’s all,” Frank said quietly, shrinking into himself.

“Are you okay?” Gerard said softly, leaning forward and starting to reach out a hand before freezing and hiding his hands under the table, and Frank fought the urge to punch him. He was fucking  _ thoughtful _ as well, how much worse could a guy get? 

Frank shrugged. “I don't know, I guess. Things are weird right now. Like… Like, I was forced away from my dream school because my mom wanted me closer to home and it’s cool that I can room with my best friend from high school but I kinda really wanna go back. I don't know, I just feel weird.”  _ God fucking dammit _ , why was Frank opening up so much to a guy he just met? Something about him was calming, made him feel like he could trust him. Which honestly with Frank’s luck, probably meant he was some sort of serial killer and Frank was going to be found dead under the floorboards in five years.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard said, his hand reaching out across the table towards him once more, actually covering Frank's this time.

“Why?” There was a cold aspect of his voice, causing him to cringe at his own words.

“You seem like a sweet guy,” said Gerard, “You deserve to be happy. Everyone does. Why are you letting your parents dictate your happiness?”

“I guess I just don’t wanna piss them off,” Frank sighed, “Plus they're kinda paying for it. My grandkids’ll still be paying off my debt if they don't.” He laughed dryly and the corners of Gerard’s lips twitched up again, the barest trace of the smile that made Frank’s head spin. He was still holding Frank’s hand, his thumb brushing little circles on his wrist. Part of him wanted to pull away, he barely knew this guy, but something about the way he was looking at Frank, some kind of sad affection, kept him frozen in his seat. 

Finally, Frank pulled his hand away and stood up, taking off Gerard’s jacket that he had forgotten he was wearing and handing it back to him. 

“I should really go, I've got a test tomorrow,” Frank said, his voice some combination between anxious and rushed. He couldn't stand being around this boy any longer. He couldn't let any more feelings develop than were already there if he wanted a family to go home to for Christmas. Gerard’s smile dropped a little, but he shook it off, standing up with a forced grin. 

“We should do this again sometime, you seem cool,” Gerard said, sweetly, “Here—” He took a napkin and grabbed a pen from the counter and wrote something on it. “Text me. We should definitely plan something.” Frank took the napkin, despite having no intention to actually text him. He couldn't let these feelings control him. 

“Yeah, we should,” he lied, tucking it into his sweatpants. He nodded curtly before rushing out of the cafe, leaving Gerard standing there. 

He glanced back once he was out of the shop, a twinge of guilt flashing through his body as he found Gerard still staring at the place where Frank had sat, his hand held over his mouth and his brow furrowed, and if it wasn’t absolutely ridiculous, Frank could have sworn there were tears rolling down his porcelain cheeks.

* * *

Frank opened the door to his dorm, tossing his keys and the napkin Gerard had given him onto his nightstand and glancing over at his roommate, who was snoring softly. Frank took the napkin out of his sweatpants pocket and threw it against his nightstand, throwing off his hoodie and pulling off his shoes before collapsing in bed. He needed to  _ sleep _ . Why were Gerard’s golden eyes still in his mind? Why was he still thinking about how it felt when Gerard touched him? Why was he thinking about how soft his blush-pink lips might feel on his own? FUCK, now he really needed to sleep, he was surely going crazy if he was thinking like this.

So for a good 20 minutes, Frank laid awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to get himself out. But nothing happened, he couldn’t. He needed to see the note. Frank grabbed the napkin off his nightstand and looked at it. A phone number in flowy handwriting followed by a sentence in quotes beneath it. 

_ ‘Some things are more precious because they don’t last long. _ ’ 

  
  


####  **_October 5th_ **

_ I found him. After all this time the Universe has brought my Thomas back to me. Except he’s not Thomas. His name is Frank. He walked into me tonight on the campus, shivering like a lost kitten. He’s the spitting image of Thomas, down to the dimple on the bridge of his nose. He is, however, different in some ways. Frank is louder, more vocal about his passions in the hour I spent with him than Thomas ever was in our years together. He still seemed hesitant, though I can understand that. I believe I may have let too much of my emotions show, especially since to him we’re strangers. I was too eager, so afraid of losing him again that I think I might have scared him away. I gave him my number and a quote from one of Thomas’s favorite books in the hopes of activating some kind of Jungian genetic memory, some hint of who we were. He seemed inclined to trust me, but sometimes he seemed almost to be fighting with himself as he talked.  _

_ He told me he’s studying English and music theory, that he’s fascinated with the storytelling inherent in each, and that he didn’t want to be here, that he’d been forced back here by his parents just so he would be near him. They dragged him from somewhere he was happy back here, and he’s stressed and miserable, I can tell. He does the thing Thomas used to do where he tugs on the hair at the base of his neck. I don’t even know if he realizes he’s doing it, but sometimes I had to stop Thomas so he wouldn't scratch himself to bloodshed.  _

_ It still hurts, thinking about him. Even now as I'm making these connections between him and Frank there's an ache in my chest that I haven't felt in decades. I thought I'd moved on, but seeing the face of my lover, 150 years after we parted, over a century since he died, but seeing his face… it flipped an emotional switch inside my head, and now I can't stop seeing him. But it's not him. It's Frank. With longer hair and softer, relaxed features, the metallic glint of the ring in his lip as he talked.  _

_ I shouldn't try to pursue him. Human life is so delicate, so fragile and short that I'd only be causing myself more pain in the long run, but at the same time I can't bring myself to stay away, to waste this second chance to be with the one I loved.  _

###  **Frank**

Frank had managed to sleep off the quote, but not after another two hours or so of deliberation, trying to figure out what the fuck it meant. He went through books in his head, thousands of pages of all the shit he’d read throughout high school and his time at college. But there was nothing, and Frank was still completely and utterly clueless. What did it  _ mean?  _ Of course, he could always just look it up, but he wasn’t about to do that. Because he needed to figure out this shit on his own. He didn't know why, apparently some part of him was competitive enough to override the parts of him that were saying this was dumb. 

Eventually he had to go to class, he couldn’t dwell on this for much longer without going insane. Ray had seemed to notice how strange Frank was acting though, commenting that it looked as if he’d been attacked on his walk last night. Frank chuckled coldly before grabbing his bag and heading out the door. Something like that.

Frank tried to pay attention in class. He really did. But he could hear Gerard’s voice echoing in his ears, insisting that he deserved to be happy. Buying him his coffee. Offering his jacket. He buried his face in his hands, why was he so fucking distracted by a guy who wasn’t even with him? Why couldn’t he get his velvety voice out of his mind? His soft grin when Frank spoke, the way he seemed just so  _ interested _ in everything he had to say. And why was Frank so ready to just tell him everything? And why was he so calm when he was with him? Something about it just felt wrong.

And then there was the quote. He was still thinking about it and what the fuck it was from. Frank’s pride was just too strong to let him even think about looking it up, as much as he wanted to. Of course, it would be so easy to just text Gerard, to ask him where the quote may be from but wouldn’t that be kind of giving Gerard false hope? Wouldn’t that kinda be like leading him on? Maybe Frank could be a shitty person sometimes but he didn’t wanna give this guy hope when he wasn’t gay and wasn’t in any way interested in him. He needed to just forget about it, forget about Gerard and his gorgeous eyes, his skewed grin. Goddammit, this was way too hard, why was Gerard making him feel like this? Why couldn’t he just forget about those measly words? It wasn’t long before his class ended and Frank stood up, standing still for a moment before he got up and started to walk from his class. He was looking at his phone as he left the building, texting Ray about how he just couldn’t focus today as he headed to his next class. He had a big test so if this continued, he’d surely be fucked. As he was walking, Frank felt himself run into somebody, falling back abruptly as hands grabbed onto his shoulders to steady him.

“Shit, sorry,” he said, not looking up before he heard a familiar chuckle.

“Well, are we going to make a habit of this?” Frank looked up and felt a slight panic set off in his mind. It was Gerard. Fuck, it was happening again. Gerard’s hands lingered on his shoulders for a moment, then he shook his head and stepped back. “Are you okay?”

“I have to get to class,” Frank murmured frantically, trying to push past Gerard but he held his ground.

“I’m sorry if I was being weird at all last night… I realized I seemed a little too eager,” said Gerard. “I don’t want to scare you off. So I was wondering if you wanted to meet up again?”

Frank froze for a moment. Should he accept? He really didn’t wanna lead this guy on, he really didn’t want to give him any hope in a hopeless situation because  _ Frank wasn’t gay. _ But he didn’t know what otherworldly force had taken over his mouth when he responded, “Why not?”

Gerard smiled, his face completely lighting up as he continued. “Wonderful! I’ll let you pace this, when would you like to meet next?”

“Uhm, maybe in two-ish days?” said Frank, rubbing his arms. “I, uh, I’ll text you to confirm eventually.” Frank then tried to rush himself away, moving quickly before turning around, looking back at Gerard. “Uhm, that quote you wrote on the napkin… what’s it from?”

Gerard grinned. “That’s for you to find out.”

* * *

Frank was especially frustrated with everything right now. Even more so than he was the day before. He was still thinking about this fucking quote, these words on a napkin that he just couldn’t forget about no matter how hard he tried. And a second date with a man he wasn’t even interested in! But… but what if he did like Gerard. If he looked back at his life, his only relationships with women had all ended rather badly and he had never really liked any of them. And how he felt about Gerard… it was something so new, so different and wonderful. He’d been trying so hard to pretend it was bothering him, he hadn’t realized how nice it was to talk to someone who seemed to care about what he had to say. Ray cared, he knew that, but Ray knew him so well it almost didn’t matter anymore. His parents didn’t care, or if they did they didn’t bother to listen anyway. But Gerard cared. He cared about what some guy he'd just happened to bump into had to say. 

Frank just went back to his dorm, he was done with classes for the day and had a couple hours before his shift. He dropped his bag on the floor and announced, the moment he entered his room, “I have a problem.”

Ray looked up, not fazed by Frank’s drama. They’d known each other so long that when things like this came up he just went with it. 

“What’s up?” Ray said, leaning against the wall his bed sat against and threw the book he was reading aside.

“You know how you said I looked as if I was attacked this morning?” he said, throwing himself down. “Well, I ran into some guy on the street and he bought me coffee.”

Ray laughed before saying, “Dude, the chances that guy was gonna stab you…”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking honestly.”

“Frank, you’re fucking horny for death.” Frank smiled and rubbed his eyes. He could, as usual, count on Ray to cheer him up when he was feeling like shit. 

“Well, this guy. So it was really fucking weird, man, he talked to me ‘n shit and I was like… So inclined to trust him. I told him about how my parents forced me over here and I went on this rant about my major and it was fucking  _ weird _ . Like, I hate opening up about anything, you know this about me-” He paused for a moment and Ray nodded before Frank continued. “Especially to some guy I just met!! So at the end of the night, he gave me his number on this napkin and I still haven’t texted him ‘cause I’m a heartless asshole, you know? And he also wrote some fucking quote on it and I spent like all of last night and today just  _ thinking _ about it and what it’s from.

“But like… at the same time I think I really enjoyed it. Like having somebody else who seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say? Especially because we had just met. It just felt really nice, I guess. Like, he seemed to more than my parents ever did. Or those girls I’d date on and off in high school. I dunno, I just… I kinda really liked it.”

Ray smiled and looked over at Frank with a raised eyebrow. “Sounds to me like you’ve got a thing for this guy.”

“That’s what I was thinking and I hate it, I fucking hate it,” Frank groaned. “What if I’m gay?”

“Well, in high school you never had any real interest in those girls, right?” Ray started, moving so he was sitting down next to Frank. “That’s what you told me. So it’s not all that crazy to think about, is it?”

“C’mon, Ray, you know my parents.” Frank’s parents were probably as Catholic as Catholic went, so of course they were terribly homophobic. He wouldn’t last an hour if he was gay.

“Look, I know you’re upset about this,” Ray started, clutching onto Frank’s arms. “But you try too hard to please your parents sometimes. You came all the way out here just to please them and you’re miserable. You can’t do everything for them, you know. And maybe you're letting them control your schooling but you shouldn’t let them control your relationships. You’ll never be happy if you do.” 

“Fuuuck!” Frank pulled out of Ray’s grip and threw himself onto his bed. “I  _ can’t _ , I think I want to but I  _ can’t! _ ” He pulled his pillow over his face, avoiding eye contact with his friend. “He’s really cute though.” He sat up and scrubbed his face, risking a glance at Ray, who watched him with thinly veiled amusement. “God, he’s so cute. I don’t know what it is about him, he’s just so… I don’t know. You know?”

“I think so. You said he left you a quote, can I see it?" Frank nodded and handed him the napkin, watching anxiously as he studied the words. "It's definitely familiar," he said after a moment, "why don't you just look it up?"

"Because," Frank hissed, "that's cheating. It's not anything I've read, and obviously it's older, but it wouldn't be something too obscure since I'd have to be able to find it."

"Maybe you could just go to the library, ask someone who works there if they recognize it."

"Oh shit I didn't think of that." He pulled out his phone and checked the time. "I've got an hour before my shift starts. Want to come?" Ray shook his head. 

"I've got to study. Good luck, though." Frank was already halfway out the door, stuffing his keys and the napkin in his pocket and giving Ray a thumbs up before walking as fast as he could without looking suspicious to the library. 

As he was walking, Frank plugged Gerard's number into his phone, wondering if it was worth it to ask for a hint. Fuck it. He was already going out with the guy in a few days anyway. 

_ Frank: Hey, It’s Frank. Could you give me a hint about the quote? _

He waited a moment for a response, then sighed and put his phone back in his pocket, making sure the ringer was on. Of course Gerard wouldn’t respond right away, it’s not like he was waiting for him or anything. 

The Library had an inside entrance, and in an effort to get out of the cold faster Frank beelined for the building it was connected to. Pictures lined the walls, featuring quotes from celebrities and visionaries, and Frank wandered over to them, just as his phone chimed. 

_ Gerard: Hi!  _

_ You can find it in the classics section _

_ Frank: Yeah, no shit Sherlock Can you give me something else? _

_ Gerard: the author's name is toward the end of the alphabet. After T _

_ Frank: Alright _

_ Frank: Thanks _

_ Gerard: Anytime _

Frank sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. He had a lot of work to do in this next hour… He stretched and looked at the time on his phone. Alright, he had plenty of time. So he made his way to the alphabetized shelves of the classics section.

Gerard has said the author’s name was after T… Okay, that was a good start. Only six letters were left after that. HG Wells has quite a few books to choose from… But he had read some of those and never saw that quote. He grabbed one with a title he'd never seen before, ‘ _ The History of Mr. Polly’  _ and tucked it under his arm. He kept looking, because chances were this wasn’t the one. Jules Verne, Edith Warton, Oscar Wilde, Walt Whitman, John Wyndham, Virginia Woolf. His head was spinning as he looked at all the books. It could be literally any of these. Frank grabbed a couple at random, not paying much attention to titles and moved to sit on an orange beanbag against the wall, picking up the first,  _ ‘Night and Day’ _ by Virginia Woolf and yawned as he started to read. 

The book was long, and he had only managed to get through a little over 120 of the pages, despite being a fairly fast reader by the time he realized he needed to hurry to his shift. He hadn't found the quote so far.  _ ‘Some things are more precious because they don’t last long. _ ’ He kept repeating the words in his mind, trying to think about if they sounded familiar at all. Did it seem like any author he'd read before? How was he gonna find it before he saw Gerard again? It didn't seem possible. But he packed up and checked out the books before he stood up and groaned. He'd do it somehow.

  
  


####  **_October 6th_ **

_I saw Frank again today, ran into him as he was coming out of one of his classes. He seemed almost scared to see me. I told him I was sorry for being weird, and that I hadn't felt well yesterday, and he seemed to relax a little, but he still seemed tense. I wish I could tell him. I don't even really have to tell him everything yet. Just something. Who I am, how I feel, who_ _he_ _is. He'd probably call the police on me, though. I guess I just wish he was more comfortable with me. Even if we're just friends. I guess I just need someone to talk to other than Mikey and Pete._

_ We have another meeting planned for a few days from now, he's going to text the details when he figures them out, and I have to say that waiting for that text feels longer than all the years of my life combined. I think he's asked three times now for me to tell him where the quote is from, and I admire his dedication. I'll ask why he won't just Google it. _

_ He said it's cheating. That the point of it for him is that it's some kind of treasure hunt that I gave him and it would be wrong for him to Google it. That the point is for him to read something new. I underestimated him. I didn't think he'd bother looking into the quote, or even care so much about doing it the right way. He's different from Thomas in that way. I don't think Thomas cared about much more than himself. Unless I asked he wouldn't look into something for me, and he certainly didn't have a code of honor regarding how he should do it. It's incredible how different they are, even after only really seeing Frank for a few minutes, he's so different from Thomas, but there are still those little quirks that are the same.  _

_ They both stammer when they get nervous, and they blush like crazy but try to hide it. Neither of them can seem to sit still for very long, Thomas used to pace and Frank drums his fingers on everything, the table, his leg, even the back of his hand. When we had coffee it took so much in me to not cover his hands with my own just to try and calm him down. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t know him. Not really. He’s not Thomas. No matter how similar they are, Frank is his own person, not just the reincarnation of someone I loved. There’s more to him than who Thomas was and who he could be for me.  _

_ The world is different now, more accepting than it was back then. Thomas was always scared. Scared we would be caught, scared he wouldn’t be able to leave if he opened up too much. Despite how much I gave to him, he was always hesitant to give much back. But maybe Frank and I could be better, if it works out. Together we could be great. _


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ch is really fucking long but a looooot happens so enjoy!!!

###  **Frank**

During the past two days, pretty much all Frank had done was read. He completely neglected every other responsibility he had, barely touching his schoolwork, shushing Ray whenever he tried to speak. He was on a mission and he needed to complete it. But today was the day and Frank had only managed to make a small dent in the books he had checked out. There was no fucking way he was going to find the quote by the time he met Gerard.

So as a last resort, Frank had grabbed the shortest book in the stack.  _ The Picture of Dorian Gray _ by Oscar Wilde. He was meeting Gerard at the coffee shop soon, so he didn’t have much time as he went through pages quickly. He had pretty much given up as he saw the time, he needed to start heading to the coffee shop. But he just needed to finish this page. And that was when he saw it.

_ ‘Some things are more precious because they don’t last long. _ ’ 

“Motherfucker!” Frank shouted, jumping up from his seat, earning quite a few nasty stares from people around him and a loud shush from many others. “Sorry-” he said, significantly more quiet before he grabbed the nearest bookmark and shoved it in the book. He had found it, finally. He checked his phone again and threw himself forward at the sight of the time. He needed to get there soon if he was going to get there before Gerard. He didn’t know why but he  _ needed _ to get there before him. So he got up and practically sprinted down the street from the library, getting close to crashing into people passing by. Finally he got there, the small, nearly empty coffee shop. Glancing inside, he smiled to himself when he noticed Gerard wasn’t there yet. He chuckled and took a deep breath, going to open the door. He entered the shop with a sigh and went to find a table.

It wasn’t long before Frank saw Gerard, once again in the strangely elegant suit walk into the shop. Frank grinned and held a hand up before calling out to him. 

“Hey, asshole!” and holding the book up in his hand. “I deciphered your bullshit.” Gerard looked over and smiled bigger than Frank had ever seen him, causing his heart to flutter uncomfortably as he moved over.

“You found it,” he murmured, going to sit in front of him. “Are you okay? You seem outof breath.” Frank nodded frantically. 

“I needed to get here first. To surprise you with the book.” Something about the smile in Gerard’s eyes made Frank just wanna wrap his arms around his shoulders and squeeze him. He was just  _ so fucking cute  _ and Ray was right. He needed to think about himself for once. So now he was gonna shoot his shot.

Gerard smiled down at his feet and Frank was nearly overwhelmed by the amount of goddamn  _ smiling  _ that had taken place here since Gerard had arrived. 

“So did you like it?” Frank nodded eagerly. 

“Yes! I did, you gave a very good taste in books.” Gerard chuckled. 

“I would hope so, I’ve had… quite a lot of time on my hands to read. I’ve found quite a few good ones in that time.” Leaning back, Frank crossed his arms. 

“I-I’ve been meaning to tell you that, uh… I’m so sorry about last time we saw each other. I was an ass. A huge ass. And I’m so, so fucking sorry, I was…. I was going through some shit I guess. And I might’ve just taken it out on you.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it, I understand.” Gerard gave Frank a soft smile and Frank noticed his restless hands, sketching something onto a napkin with a fountain pen he had taken in his hands when he arrived. Frank grinned at the doodle, glancing up at his concentrated expression. 

“What’s that?” he said softly, leaning forward to get a better look. 

“Oh, shit…” Gerard put the pen back into a pocket in his jacket and crumpled up the napkin he had been sketching on. He tossed it to the side but Frank grabbed it and smoothed it out, marvelling at the drawing.

“No, don’t stop, that’s cool.” What had come over him? Sure, he’d resolved to stop giving a fuck about his parents, but was it really going to be so easy to charm him? Grerard smiled shyly, and yes. It was that easy. 

“Really? Thomas didn’t like it when I did that.” His voice was soft, but with a tone of curiosity. Frank raised an eyebrow and uncrossed his arms, leaning forward and gripping both hands onto the table. 

“Who the fuck is Thomas?” 

Gerard blushed, leaning back and fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket as Frank tapped his fingers on the table. “Thomas was… he was my ex. A couple… a couple years ago.” He took a shaky breath, taking the pen out again and tapping it on his palm. “I just tend to sort of draw on things and he never liked it, thought it was rude, you know?” Frank grunted and looked into Gerard's eyes, leaning even further forward. 

“Well, listen to me, Thomas was an asshole. A fucking asshole, you hear me? That shit you're drawing is hella cool! You’ve gotta show me more of your art sometime. I’d love to see more of what you do.” Gerard stared at him, a mix of shock and affection written across his features. They sat frozen for a moment, before a hesitant smile broke out on his face. 

"Really?" Frank paused and sat back down, realizing he was way too close to Gerard and trying to ignore the blush creeping up on his cheeks. 

"Yeah! Of course! I can't do any more than like your standard stick figures, so it's all really cool to me how people are able to do that. Art is cool as shit, I really want to see what you've done." He grinned. "Besides, your whole face just lit up when I suggested it, I couldn't _ not _ be sincere.” Gerard was blushing fiercely now as he smiled shyly at Frank. 

“I’ve got an art show in a week,” he suggested, “You should… you should maybe come and see my art.” Frank’s eyes lit up and he clapped his hands together. 

“Sounds great, I’ll definitely come. When is it?” Gerard’s smile widened and he crossed his arms.

“Next Friday night.” Frank could feel himself practically melting at the expression on the boy’s face. How the hell could somebody, a guy nonetheless have this sort of effect on him. It was insane, he'd never pegged himself as someone to become such  _ putty  _ over something as simple as a smile. 

“Well, I can’t wait to go,” said Frank, somehow managing to keep a somewhat calm composure. Maybe he had finally come to terms with his little crush, but that didn't mean Gerard got to know how  _ absolutely weak  _ he made him.

“I can’t wait to see you there,” Gerard said, the smile gracing his lips growing. “I… I really hope you like it.” Frank didn’t think he’d smiled this much in literal  _ years, _ much less in one night, but something about Gerard’s smile made it so infectious, and he didn’t want to stop.

“Don't worry about it, man, you know I will,” he teased. “I'm sure you're hella talented just to get that shit in the show.” 

“So…” said Gerard, managing to shake off his blush, which fucking shocked Frank that he was even able to do that. “How long did it take you to find the book? It’s definitely one of my favorites.” Frank picked up the book off the table and studied it. 

“Literally, I figured it out maybe ten minutes before I headed over here. I didn’t think I was even gonna find it, not gonna lie.” Gerard snorted. 

“Really? Well aren’t you persistent.” Frank blushed again and he was losing track of how many times Gerard had reduced him to this rosy red color on his cheeks.

“But yeah…  _ The Picture of Dorian Gray _ . Interesting book, dude,” Frank chuckled awkwardly. Not that it was bad, but it was just… really fucking gay to say the least. Not as in an insult, it was quite literally gay as fuck and Frank honestly didn’t know how to react.

“Yeah, uhm, my ex really loved it,” Gerard said through rough laughs, “I guess his tastes rubbed off on me. I was with him for… a long time, to say the least.”

“Your ex meaning that Thomas guy?” Frank fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie, the same one he had worn the night he met Gerard, he just realized. It was completely unintentional but now he was wearing that exact same black hoodie he wore the day the two crashed into each other.

Gerard nodded slowly, leaning back now, as if to distance himself from Frank. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s Thomas.” Frank bit his lip and rubbed the side of his arm anxiously.

“You’ve been… you’ve been talking about him a lot,” Frank murmured, discomfort obvious in his voice. Last time he checked, you didn’t often talk about your ex as much as Gerard was doing on most dates. “Did something happen between you guys recently or something? Like did you guys just break up?” Gerard’s eyes widened, and he sat up and took one of Frank’s hands as if on instinct before staring down at them and dropping it suddenly. For a brief moment afterward Frank was so caught up by even that smallest hint of contact that he almost missed what Gerard had to say.

“No, no, it was a… it was a couple years ago,” he muttered, stuffing his hands back in his pockets, “something just… Recently something came up and opened old wounds. And it’s been… kind of rough, I guess.”

“Oh.” Frank was quiet for a moment. Of course, right as he had finally started to accept the fact that maybe he was into this guy, maybe dating Gerard was an idea he could get behind, he finds out this guy is very much not over his ex. Just fucking wonderful. “Well, do you… do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, it's fine,” Gerard said, his face switching quickly from the solemn expression to something slightly more content. “It's been a long time since we've been together, plus it wouldn't be fair to you at all. You deserved every bit of my attention and affection.”

“Damn,” was the only noise Frank was able to force from his mouth. “Well. Does that make this a date then?”

“Only if you want it to be,” Gerard said quickly, looking away from Frank. “I don't want you to be unco—”

“Good thing I want it to be then,” Frank cut in, giving Gerard a little wink. He mentally patted himself on the back for that one, that was  _ fucking smooth _ . 

Gerard let out an awkward squeak and Frank smiled big, fiddling with his lip ring.  _ Fuck yeah, I caused that, _ Frank thought to himself, suddenly feeling hella confident. Definitely more than he had been before. He could barely believe those words had even come out of his mouth at this point, but here he was, charming the boy. “You’re really sweet, Frank.”

“I try,” Frank went on with a wide grin. “It’s really easy to talk to you. I don’t know why, it just is. And I love it.”

Gerard blushed even more before standing up and reaching to take Frank’s hands. “We’ve been here a bit… would you like me to walk you back to your dorm?” Frank nodded.

“That’d be wonderful.”

As they walked, Gerard kept asking questions about small things—Frank’s favorite type of ice cream, what he thought of some movie or book—the whole time holding on to his hand. Frank hoped his hands weren’t too sweaty, Gerard’s were really nice, fitting perfectly in his own, not too warm or too cold, his skin soft. Frank tried to focus on the conversation, but the feel of Gerard’s hand in his clouded his mind. He was actually doing this, holding hands with a boy, with  _ this boy _ . This boy, who listened to what he had to say, and smiled when he did something weird, this boy who made him feel like he actually mattered.

“Frank?” Gerard’s concerned voice pulled him out of his head, and he realized he had stopped in his tracks. “Are you alright? You just… stopped.” He took hold of Frank’s shoulders, then moved his hands to cup his face, studying him worriedly. 

Frank shook himself lightly, stepping back. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’ve just… I’ve never been with a guy before,” he blurted out before realizing what he’d said.  _ Fuck,  _ he’d just met this guy, how could he claim something like that? For all he knew, Gerard wasn’t even interested in him and he was just a sad rebound for his ex. But he totally wasn’t expecting Gerard’s face to completely light up at that sentence.

“What’re you saying?” he said with a little smirk and Frank was weak all over again. “Is this you saying I’m your boyfriend?” Frank opened his mouth but for some reason couldn’t get any words out.  _ Was _ he saying Gerard was his boyfriend? Were they dating? They had just met, how could they be boyfriends already? This was going pretty fucking fast and Frank didn’t know how much he liked it.

“A-are we boyfriends?” Frank almost whispered, breaking eye contact with Gerard. He honestly didn’t know, he just knew he thought this guy was cute and sweet but he didn’t understand really how this kind of relationship went. In fact, he didn’t know how most relationships went, he had maybe been with two girls in high school. “I do-I don’t know, I’m literally just realizing that I’m-- I’m just realizing I might be gay, I guess… The only person that even knows about this is my roommate and my parents would fucking hate me, they’d fucking disown me and they’ll be here at the end of the month for my birthday and I can’t introduce some guy I just met as my boyfriend or they’ll kill me.” He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to calm himself down, and backed away from Gerard slowly, trying to ignore the expression on his face.

“Frank…” He stopped, and let Gerard pull his arms away from his body. “Frank I’m so sorry. We can go slower if you want. Just tell me what you need. There’s still a few weeks until the end of the month, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.” He brushed the hair away that had fallen in Frank’s eyes, something akin to heartbreak written on his face. “It’s not going to be easy, but if you want to tell your parents I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” he muttered, and wrapped his arms around the other boy, needing some semblance of comfort. He felt Gerard pull him closer and place a hand on his head. “I don’t think I wanna tell them yet. It-it’s still so new to me, I don’t even know for sure… but I do know you’re really sweet and I like you a lot and honestly I would like to… try being with you, if you don’t mind taking it slow.”

“Yeah, of course, whatever you’re comfortable with.” Gerard ran his fingers through Frank’s long dark hair and Frank sighed softly. “You wanna go back to your dorm now? Your roommate can probably help you more than I can.”

Frank nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.” Gerard took Frank’s hand, squeezing it tightly as the two made their way to the dorms Frank had been living in. Frank led him into the elevator, and as they went up to his floor he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He needed to be real with himself for a moment. His parents didn’t need to know right away, he could always give himself a few months to make sure, to be certain that he and Gerard were even going somewhere before they found out. What would be the point of losing all their respect for a boy he wasn’t even sure would do anything for him? So he’d give it a couple months, maybe wait until Thanksgiving, or even Christmas if he felt the need and then he’d have a good amount of time to adjust.

Once the elevator had stopped Frank led Gerard to his room, opening the door while still holding his hand. He found Ray sitting on his bed and Frank let out a loud laugh. 

“Dude, do you ever go anywhere?”

“Fuck you,” Ray murmured before looking up at the two, a smile growing on his face. “Is this your boy, Frank? ‘Cause you’re right, he  _ is _ cute.”

“Holy fuck, you’re such an asshole,” Frank said, dropping Gerard’s hand and running a hand through his hair, looking over at Gerard’s heavy blush. “But yeah. This is Gerard.”

“How was the date?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Frank said, throwing the book he was holding right at his friend. Both he and Gerard were blushing hard now and Gerard was smiling like an idiot.

“I should be going,” Gerard said with a smile, taking Frank’s hand and pressing a kiss to it before giving a little wave as Frank said goodbye. When he left, Frank collapsed on his bed.

“I hate you, man,” he murmured as he rubbed his face. “But I like him a lot.”

“You should really go for it, I miss seeing you happy.” He tossed the book back to Frank, who caught it and flipped him off, then remembered his issue from earlier and groaned.

“I know it’s just my parents ‘n shit. You know they never cut me a break.” 

“What did I tell you?” Ray almost sounded like his mom, and while he was nicer than her it was starting to get on Frank's nerves. 

“I  _ know _ , I’m an idiot who doesn’t think about myself, give me a break. I’m just scared.” He pulled off his shoes and crawled into his bed, facing the wall. 

“I know you are, man. Just… I wanna see you happy. He makes you happy. You should go for it," Ray insisted, and Frank rolled over to face him, tugging on his hair. He needed a haircut. He should get one before Friday. 

“You’re right. I-I think I will.”

####  **_October 8_ **

_ Frank found the book, practically threw it at me, and I swear his smile could kill. He was brighter today, I don't think he stopped smiling until… he's not out to his family, or at all apparently, and it freaked him out. It was awful to watch, though I have no doubt it was worse for him. I don't know exactly what happened, but I was walking him back to his room and he just froze, and I think I may have gone too fast again. He told me I'm the first guy he's been with, and I think my heart stopped. I still don't know if it's started again. This whole time I've been worried he might leave, that I might push things too fast or that he flat out might not like me, but tonight changed that, and for the first time in decades I think I have a shot at being happy. Before Pete, it was just Mikey and I, and we were happy. Then in the 60s Mikey met him, and turned him, and I was alone again. I don't blame him, they're wonderful together, but ever since then I’ve been feeling more and more isolated. _

_ Frank has helped, I really enjoyed tonight, and he said he’s going to come to my art show on Friday. He’s not Thomas. He’s very much not Thomas, and it’s not fair to Frank for me to get hung up on him because they look similar. It’s more than that though. Thomas always had a heavy sense of guilt when he was around me, and sometimes forced it on me as well. I still think he loved me, just not as much as I loved him. We started out as something purely physical, but gradually my feelings shifted to something else, and his did too, but slower, and less intensely. When we split it was almost violent, and he threatened to turn me in. I would still keep tabs on him, just to make sure he was doing well. Sometimes I think he saw me. He would glance over me, but then his gaze would stick, and he’d stare at me with some broken expression for half a moment, but then something would happen and his face would relax and he would move on.  _

_ Frank seems to have some of the same things driving his anxieties, but he’s willing to face them. He’s not ready for it yet, but he’s willing to try. He’s so passionate, sometimes he talks so fast his words trip over themselves and laugh when he realizes he’s not making any sense. He hasn’t sat still the entire time we’ve spent together, always tugging on his sleeves or the longer parts of his hair or drumming his fingers on anything he can reach. I held his hand today and he actually froze and just stared at our hands for a moment, smiling. He’s just so… I don’t know. I really like him, as him. Not as some new Thomas, but as him.  _

###  **Frank**

“I wanna see him again.” It was a Saturday morning and neither Frank nor Ray had any classes planned for today, so the two of them, neither of which were social enough to really know anyone outside of each other, were hanging out together in their dorm. Poor Ray, bless his soul had spent the past few days hearing Frank rant about Gerard and how sweet he was, how much he wanted to see him again.

“Well have you texted him at all?” Ray said, looking up at his friend. No, no he hadn’t. In fact, Frank had been far too scared to annoy him or that he wouldn’t respond. His fear of rejection had stopped him from even trying once again.

“No,” Frank said simply, standing up and moving to get some cookies from the cupboard. He shoved a few in his mouth before saying through a full mouth, “You know I’ll fuck it up man, I always do.”

“This is seriously the only thing you have to do,” Ray said. “Just say, ‘Hi,’ and let him take over. You don’t have to worry about fucking anything up.”

“I don’t know.”

“Text him. Right now, or I’m kicking you out.” Ray’s tone of voice was stern, mocking frustration. At least Frank thought it was mock and he sure hoped it was. 

“What do I even say?” He asked, his voice closer to panicky than he would have liked. Ray sighed and put his head in his hands.

“Tell him how you wanna see him again! The poor guy’s probably sitting there thinking you hate him ‘cause you haven’t contacted him since he left.”

“I don’t want to,” he said, crossing his arms, “What if he doesn’t want to talk?”

“You absolute fucking idiot,” Ray groaned, moving to where Frank was standing. “Give me your phone.”

“What? You’re crazy.” He held his phone to his chest protectively, sticking his tongue out at the other boy.

“And you’re an idiot.” Ray practically tackled Frank onto his bed, wrestling his phone from his hands. Once he got it he climbed up onto a chair, standing up straight once he was sure Frank couldn’t reach. Of course, him being almost a whole foot taller than him helped a lot. “Hi,” Ray read his messages aloud as he typed and Frank jumped up, shouting in protest. “This is Ray, Frank’s roommate. Frank’s too stupid to text you so I am. Please talk to him, as I said, he’s being a dumbass.” Frank jumped up, grabbing Ray’s ankle and almost pulling him down off the chair. “Aaaaaaaaand send,” he shouted, just as Frank managed to get his phone back in his hands.

“I’m gonna kill you, man. I am literally going to murder you.” Frank pressed his hands to his face, wide eyes and an open mouth as he anxiously waited for his phone to vibrate,

“Hey, I’m just doing you a favor,” Ray said with a shrug. “You won’t shoot your shot, so I’ll shoot it for you.”

Frank just rolled his eyes and sat against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest, managing to shoot a quick text to Gerard before he responded.

_ Frank: Fuck, sorry, I’ve got my phone back now. Sorry, Ray’s an idiot. _

Frank sighed and leaned his head back. “I hate you,” he said again and Ray smiled and laughed, falling down onto his bed. He felt his phone vibrate and he jumped immediately, grabbing it so fast he nearly tossed it across the room.

_ Gerard: Haha, it’s fine, I think it’s sweet. _

Sighing again, this time in relief, Frank held the phone to his chest. Thank god Ray didn’t scare him away with that. Unless he did secretly think it was really weird and just didn’t say so.

_ Gerard: Do you want to get coffee?  _

_ Frank: Sure _

_ Gimme like fifteen minutes _

“Oh my god,” Frank said quietly before quite literally jumping up and throwing his arms around Ray. “You genius motherfucker, I love you.”

“Well who knew interacting with the guy you were into would get you a date?”

_ Gerard: Great! I’ll pick you up? _

Frank stared at his phone for a moment, unable to decide what he should say, and glanced up at Ray, who shrugged.

_ Frank: Sure! _

_ Gerard: :) _

About 20 minutes later, Gerard had come in a shockingly nice car to pick up Frank, and he felt poor just being near it. How’d some 25-year-old kid afford a ride like this? He stepped into the passenger seat with a raised eyebrow and a small grin on his face as he looked at Gerard.

“You’re really trynna impress me now, are you?” Frank teased as he looked at Gerard. The boy glanced over at him, smiling big.

“Well, what I’ve noticed about you is you’re very bad at dressing for the weather and I’d rather you not freeze on me,” Gerard said with a little wink. Frank looked down and noticed he wasn’t even wearing the same hoodie he’d had on the last two times he met Gerard. He was just wearing a black  _ Jawbreaker _ shirt and his regular pair of black jeans. Frank blushed and looked down at his hands,

“I know I am,” he muttered, “And you’re an asshole. Hey, how the fuck did you even get this car? It looks pretty damn expensive.”

“Well, art makes more money than people think,” said Gerard matter-of-factly, “I’ve come to believe I’m a fairly okay painter, my pieces tend to sell for a reasonable amount. And plus I come from a fairly wealthy family.”

Frank decided to stop questioning it there and let Gerard drive him for coffee.

Clouds started to gather overhead, some last semblance of a summer storm before winter covered their part of the world. Frank kept glancing worriedly at them as Gerard parked the car on the side of the road and fished his umbrella out of the back seat. 

"I've got it this time," Frank insisted as they got out of the car, "You paid the last two times, it's my turn." The small smile that had been on Gerard's face ever since Frank got in the car widened, and Frank took his hand. 

"Thanks." 

"Of course. You may have more money than me but that doesn't mean you get to pay for everything," he teased, and Gerard smiled down at him, bumping their shoulders together. 

They ordered their coffee and found a table to sit at, Gerard's fingertips still touching Frank's. 

"I was thinking about what happened last night," he said after a moment, "I think my birthday's too soon to… to come out. But lucky me we've still got Thanksgiving and Christmas." Gerard smiled and took hold of his hand again, brushing his thumb along Frank's knuckles. 

"Whenever you think you're ready." Frank nodded and took a sip of his coffee. "I'm proud of you."

Frank blushed heavily, smiling down at his coffee then up to Gerard. “You’re too nice to me,” he murmured, just loud enough for Gerard to hear.

“Well, you get the cutest little smile I’ve ever seen when I’m nice to you, so anything to preserve that.”  _ Damn.  _ How the fuck did Frank get this lucky?

They chatted for a bit, just making small talk and drinking their coffee until Frank caught Gerard gazing at him with a dreamy look on his face. Frank almost said something but his thoughts were interrupted by Gerard, who stated, “I wish I could draw you. I’ve just got my pen here though and I’d love to paint you, capture your pretty face on a canvas.”

Frank’s eyes were wide as Gerard spoke. Fuck, he thought he was pretty. Frank sucked in a breath before quietly saying, “Well, why don’t you take me to where all your shit is and you can go ahead?”

“Alright,” said Gerard with a big smile. “Come with me, you can see my apartment.”

Frank nodded and let Gerard lead him back to the car as the two drove. If his car was this nice, he was sure his apartment was probably beautiful. 

Once they had arrived, Frank found his suspicions were true, the building was fucking huge and Frank looked at it with wide eyes as Gerard parked. He wordlessly followed the boy into the building and into the elevator, looking around and feeling filthy just existing near this kind of place. Everyone seemed so proper and Frank was wearing an old band shirt and ripped jeans.

Gerard had turned the knob of the door once they had made it to his floor and Frank looked around anxiously, worried he’d get some stares from people thinking Frank was not the kind of person, but no one seemed to think much of it, no one even made a second glance at Frank and he let out a soft sigh. They entered the apartment and Gerard suddenly stopped, Frank not knowing why until he noticed two people on the couch, one lanky boy with long-ish dark hair and another with dark spiked hair, sitting there, making out. 

Gerard coughed before saying, “Boys? We’ve got company today. Get a goddamn room,” he said, flicking the taller of the two on the back of the head.

The two immediately parted, the shorter standing up and flipping off Gerard. “You couldn’t’ve shot us a text? We were having fun.”

“I did, but you were too busy molesting my brother to notice,” Gerard teased, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. He turned back to Frank and linked their arms together with a smile. "Frank, this is my baby brother Mikey and his boyfriend Pete. Guys, this is Frank." 

The taller one, Mikey got up next and crossed his arms, leaning against the couch. “You better be good to him. He’s fragile, be careful.”

“I’m older than you, Mikey,” Gerard said, starting to lead Frank away. “Watch yourself.”

“Hey, I’m not letting you get hurt again,” Mikey said, holding his hands up in defense. Again? What had Gerard been through in the past? Did this have something to do with that Thomas guy?

“That was ages ago,” Gerard said, managing to pull Frank into another room before poking his head back into the guys. “Stay out of here, I’m gonna be painting.”

Gerard's studio was large and open, with large windows covered by pastel pink curtains that softened the light and cast rosy light over the room. Cabinets held paints, organized by color and type, and trays of pencils sat next to a half finished drawing of a field of flowers. Sketches were hung on the walls, all in varying states of completion.

"Ok, I've got to get everything out, just wait here for a second." Gerard squeezed Frank's hand and started pulling out paints and pencils, occasionally pausing to study him before grabbing a few more. Frank wandered around, admiring the drawings. They really were beautiful, some of them almost looking like photos and others stylized to highlight the graceful aspects of the world.

"Gerard, these are… they're incredible," Frank said after a moment, and the other boy paused and looked up at him, blushing. "Seriously, they're fucking amazing."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I mean, if I didn't know they were drawings I would literally think they're photos." Gerard grinned, bringing back the familiar euphoria in his stomach. 

"I- uh, thanks." Frank nodded, smiling as Gerard seemed to forget what he was doing. "Right. Okay. I want to have you doing something natural, so you sit here and I'll get you a book." He motioned to an armchair and arranged pillows around Frank's body as he sat down. "You're so cute in this chair, holy shit," he whispered under his breath, and Frank blushed. "Are you comfortable? This is going to take a while." Frank tried to answer, but his mouth wouldn't make any sound, his face still bright red from Gerard's words. "I'll take that as a yes," he laughed, "Any requests for a book?"

"Uhm… something good?" Gerard laughed again and brushed a hand down his cheek. 

"Alright Frankie, I'll pick something out." He winked and Frank blushed again, his cheeks starting to ache from smiling too much. "Don't move, I'll be right back." 

Frank's brain was a train-wreck as he replayed the last few minutes in his mind. Gerard's smile when he complimented his art, his hand on Frank's cheek, the look on his face when he called him  _ Frankie _ . Frank had never really liked nicknames that much, but hearing Gerard call him by one had almost made him melt on the spot. 

Gerard came back, holding a book and two mugs and closing the door behind him. 

"Sorry I took so long, I made us coffee." He set one of the mugs down next to his canvas and handed the other one to Frank. 

"You called me Frankie earlier," he muttered, and Gerard's eyes widened. 

"Was it okay? It just kind of slipped out, I'm s-" Frank stopped him, smiling down at his coffee before he glanced back up at Gerard with a soft grin on his face.

"No, I- I liked it." 

"Yeah?" His face lit up, and Frank nodded, taking his hand. 

"Yeah, it was nice. I really liked it," he said, then bit his lip and lowered his voice to a near whisper. "I don't usually like nicknames. It's nice when you do it though." Gerard sat down on the arm of the chair and leaned in, catching his chin and staring at him through half-closed eyes.

"I had no idea you were such a romantic, Frankie," he murmured, and Frank's breath caught in his chest. Gerard's thumb brushed along his bottom lip, and some part of him desperately wanted to see what happened, to stay like this forever, but a slightly larger part of him was terrified. It was still so soon, what if something changed?

"Weren't you supposed to be doing something?" Gerard froze, then sighed heavily and pulled away. 

"Right. Sorry." He handed the book to Frank, brushing his cheek one more time before moving and standing by the canvas. "Just pretend I'm not here, read the book, drink the coffee, try not to move too much, alright?" He picked up a pencil and leaned around the canvas to smile at Frank before starting to sketch the outlines of the painting. Frank opened the book,  _ Pride and Prejudice _ , and made it about five pages in before something occurred to him.

"Can I still talk to you? Like would it interfere with your concentration or something?" 

"I think as long as you don't ask difficult questions I should be fine,” he laughed, “Just make sure you don’t move too much for a few minutes, alright? I have to get the shapes down.” 

"Okay," Frank said, and let himself get lost in the book again. He'd read it before a few times, but forgotten how much he enjoyed it. "Hey why'd you pick this book?"

"It's one of my favorites." He paused and winked. "I'll let you in on a secret, I'm also a romantic." 

"Yeah? I haven't read it in a while but I remember it's good." Gerard hummed in agreement and Frank decided to be quiet for a while, whispering the lyrics to some song or another under his breath. 

He wished he could see what Gerard was doing, the process of art was fascinating even if he had no ability himself. He had told Frank to sit still, but calm wasn't really something that came easily, especially when his mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He was doing this. Gerard liked his face enough to stare at it for literal hours and put it on a canvas. He thought Frank was pretty, he thought Frank was  _ cute _ . Frank was no expert on whatever the fuck this was, but he was pretty sure that Gerard had been about to  _ kiss him  _ before he got scared. Why was it so terrifying? He'd kissed people before, it's not like this was his first relationship _ ever _ , but something about it being both his first guy and _ Gerard _ made it different. This wasn't his first relationship, but this had to be the first one that he cared so much about it working out. Fuck, he needed to stop thinking and just enjoy the moment. 

He was about a quarter of the way through the book when Pete stuck his head through the door. 

"Hey Gee, Mikey and I 're going to uhh… get food. D'you want anything?" Gerard groaned and levelled a glare at Pete for interrupting.

"Yeah, just get me my usual." Pete stepped further into the room to shoot finger guns at him and Frank. 

"Got it. Don't get up to any shenanigans while we're gone, alright?" He pointed at Frank and grinned. "I'm trusting you, Frank." The other boy glanced up from his book just long enough to flip him off, and Gerard snorted, pinching the bridge of his nose as Pete closed the door behind him. 

Gerard smiled after him before turning back to Frank, and he had just picked up his brush again when he let out a shout. 

"Fuck, I forgot to ask if you wanted anything." He set his brush down and wiped any wet paint on his hands off on his pants before pulling out his phone. "What do you want, they'll go anywhere."

"No, it's fine," Frank insisted, "I'll just get something when I get home."

"Absolutely not. I'm not letting you leave until you've had something to eat. What kind of a friend would I be if I kept you here for hours and got food for myself but none for you? The rest of us are getting food, what do you want?" Frank tried to protest again, but Gerard held up a finger and he decided to humor him. 

"I'll have a burger and some fries I guess. Oh, and a coke." Gerard nodded along as he typed it into his phone, presumably a text to Mikey. 

"Great." He slipped his phone back in his pocket, then noticed that Frank had started to squirm. "Do you wanna take a break? I'll show you around and you can stretch your legs."

"God,  _ please _ ," he laughed, "I think one of my feet fell asleep or something." He stood up and stretched, groaning as his spine popped. He tested each foot gingerly, hissing at the pins and needles that shot up his leg. 

"Sorry,” Gerard said with a smile, taking hold of Frank’s arm until he could feel his feet again. “We should’ve taken a break earlier.”

“Don't worry, it's not like I do much anyway,” Frank laughed as he got up. “So, you've got a pretty nice place here.”

Gerard just shrugged. “Well, we need the space. Especially when we got someone like Pete.” Frank smiled and tried to move forward to get a look at the painting, but Gerard just grabbed his shoulders, stopping him. “No. You can't see it yet.”

“Why not?” Frank pestered, trying to break away from Gerard and look around his body. “You're talented. I wanna see.”

Gerard shook his head. “Well first off, it's not finished. And second, you can't see it ‘til the show. It's bad luck for you to see it.”

Frank let out a snort before trying to push him again, crossing his arms as he teased the boy. “You're treating it like a fucking wedding dress, we’re not getting  _ married _ .” 

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Still it's bad luck. The way I see it, if someone sees my paintings before they’re finished it either won't sell or I’ll fuck it up.”

“Dude, that's such bullshit!! You superstitious bastard.”

“I could very easily kick you out of my home right now.” Despite the aggression of his words, Gerard’s lips were perked up onto a teasing smile with his head cocked slightly to the side. They were having fun with this.

Raising an eyebrow, Frank grinned slyly. “Nah, you like me too much.” His tone came off significantly more flirty than he had intended, but he didn't fully mind as he saw the way Gerard’s cheeks brightened. 

“Okay, we’re going,” Gerard said suddenly, taking Frank’s hand and practically dragging him from the room. Frank laughed loudly as he followed Gerard, and he turned around and grinned back. Once the two had moved into the main area, Gerard holding both his hands, they stopped for a moment. Frank leaned back and looked around the house.

“So. What got you into art?” he asked, finding it slightly odd how there were seemingly no open windows, all of them covered by translucent curtains, letting in just enough natural light it was easy to see. But still, it was very very strange why none of the windows were actually open.

Gerard sighed heavily, leaning back. “A lot of things. It started as a way to express myself, Mikey and I grew up in a terribly strict place. So I started as a way to feel free, I guess. To escape to somewhere with no rules. But overtime… overtime I just wanted a way to remember some people in a way photographs can’t capture. You know, helping me cope.”

A smile spread onto Frank’s face as he crossed his arms. “That’s sweet. I like it.”

“Yeah, it’s helped me a lot throughout my life.”

Leaning back, Frank took in the space a little more. It was rather open and pretty bright, despite the curtained windows. Around the room, on shelves were a ton of random clutter and trinkets. He noticed a couple instruments, an acoustic guitar and a couple basses. There were plenty of books lining the walls on shelves and he recognized a couple titles. On a shelf he saw an old fashioned polaroid camera next to some rather old seemingly protest signs.

“I think all this is hella cool but like… how’d you get all this shit?” Frank said, his eyes wide and his voice awe-filled. “Don’t get me wrong though, I fucking love that you’ve got all this.”

“We like collecting things, I guess,” Gerard said with a chuckle, looking around himself. “We’re like goblins. But yeah, we think that… uh, vintage stuff is cool. So we’ve got a lot of it. That polaroid is from the 60s, Pete loves it.”

“Mikey’s your brother, right?” Frank asked as he leaned against a wall to look at the polaroid closer. Gerard nodded and Frank grinned. “He’s dating Pete? How long have they been together?”

“Damn, I don’t know, it’s been quite a while,” Gerard said softly. “Yeah, for a while now. They’re really good together though, I’m happy for them. Here, I’ll show you my room.”

Gerard led him down a hallway, stiffening as he started to walk down it, which Frank found odd until he looked at the walls and stopped in his tracks. There were black and white photos of boys in suits, looking like Gerard and Mikey with a couple other people. Their family? The two walked down the hallway and Frank noticed the pictures changing more and more, until he noticed some polaroids, some of Mikey and Pete kissing, Gerard next to the two with a sad smile on his face as his brother grinned widely, so in love with Pete, who had his arm around him. Gerard seemed to rush to his bedroom, closing the door frantically and Frank cocked his head once he went into the room, his eyes squinted slightly.

“What was that hallway all about?” Frank said with a hint of laughter in his voice. He crossed his arms and smiled as Gerard seemed uneasy. What about? He hesitated a moment before responding.

“I-it was ju-just art project,” he said, a little too quietly. “Yeah, when I was in high school we had to take pictures through the decades. That was the result.”

“Why’re you so anxious about it?” Frank teased, leaning against the wall, allowing himself to take in the space around him. There was a desk with a small lamp on it, and the wall next to it was fully lined with shelves, full of yet more books, if that was even possible, along with a couple Frank recognized as sketchbooks. At the corner of the room was a bed with large velvet curtains that could probably render the room pitch black. Next to the bed was a violin case, and Frank smiled at the idea that Gerard had similar hobbies to him.

Gerard just shrugged and moved to sit at his desk. He didn’t say anything and Frank suddenly felt very weird. He looked around for a moment before just sitting down on the floor in front of Gerard. He tapped his fingers on the floor, some mindless rhythm not really linked to a song. Neither of them said a word, and the silence was almost suffocating. Eventually Frank couldn't take it anymore and motioned to the violin. 

"You play?" 

"Hm?" He blinked and looked at where Frank was pointing. "Oh, yeah! Do you want to hear something?" Frank nodded, and he smiled, taking the instrument out of its case. He tuned it for a second then started to play. His fingers flitted across the strings, creating a melody that almost reminded Frank of birds, and watched in wonder as Gerard began to sway, his face shifting into some kind of peaceful bliss. The music washed over him in gentle waves, and he felt he could listen to it for hours, just watch Gerard play the fluttering notes over and over again. 

He finished far too soon, the final note echoing throughout the room and Frank’s ears, leaving him open mouthed on the floor.

“Holy shit,” he whispered after a moment, and Gerard grinned. “That was gorgeous.” A blush spread across his porcelain skin.

“You really think so?” The light in Gerard’s eyes as Frank complimented him was prettier than all the stars in the sky. 

“Yes! You’re very talented,” said Frank. “I play guitar. I’m in a band.”

“I’ll have to come see you guys sometime.” Frank opened his mouth to respond, but was soon interrupted when Pete’s voice rang throughout the apartment.

“Hey whores, we’re back!” he called, “Hope you didn’t have too much fun without us.” Gerard jumped at the sound of Pete’s voice and quickly packed up his violin before leading Frank out of the room. Pete’s head poked down the hallway and he smiled slyly as he saw them. “Oh. Oh! So you guys  _ did _ have some fun, now did you?”

Gerard quickly dragged Frank forward to keep his sight off his blush but Frank was smiling big and loving how flustered the whole ordeal made him. “Shut up Pete. I showed him around and played for him.”

“That’s what you want us to think,’ Pete teased as Mikey slapped him on the back of his head.

“Alright, if he wants to shut up, we got your food,” Mikey said, crossing his arms. 

“Yeah, shut up, I’m hungry,” said Frank moving forward.

Pete laughed and looked from Mikey to Frank. “I like this guy Gee. We should keep this one.”

Gerard smiled at Frank and squeezed his hand. “I’m planning on it,” he said and Frank could’ve sworn he looked as if he was about to kiss him. But he didn’t do anything just yet, he was pacing himself for Frank. But despite how new and scary all this was, Frank just knew he wanted it.

####  **_October 12_ **

_ I saw Frank again today. I’m glad it was cloudy, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to visit him. Even still I double checked my umbrella. He’s going to come out at Thanksgiving, possibly Christmas. I’m so proud of him. He’s so wonderful. _

_ He let me paint him, and I’m proud to say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. I managed to get most of it done before Pete interrupted us. Fucker. He’s insufferable. Anyway, I just have a few details left to do, like the shading on his hair and a few of the shadows on the background, though I think I’ll tell him there's a lot left so I can see him again. I’d like to get it done before Friday, I want to put it up in the show.  _

_ I called him Frankie on accident. He said he liked it, and I almost kissed him right there. He was just so cute in that chair, and I hadn’t eaten in almost too long, and something about the way he spoke… I don’t know. He seemed to be enjoying it, but maybe I took it too far. I don’t know. He has my head spinning and my heart beating practically out of my chest. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long time. Not since Thomas.  _

_ The day he died I didn’t think I’d ever feel happy again. He didn’t care about me anymore, had a lovely family whom he adored, but I never forgot about him. I never stopped loving him. I visited him in the funeral home after everyone had left, just to say goodbye. I held his hand one last time, and just talked to him. Silly things mostly, what books I’d read in the past month, some flowers I’d seen the day before. I don’t think I really accepted that he was gone until weeks later, and I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. Mikey had to bring me food every few days and practically force it down my throat.  _

_ It still hurts sometimes, but not as much lately. Having Frank here is helping. I love talking to him, or listening to him talk. Just being around him really. He makes me feel lighter. He’s just so cute and loud and  _ _ Frank _ _. He makes me feel nice. His cheeks are soft and his eyes are bright and when I’m with him I never want to leave. He’s so  _ _ alive _ _ , so full of energy and a hesitant innocence, and I almost feel as if I were younger. Physically, I still feel like I am in my early twenties but lately I had almost started to grow tired, until he ran into me.  _

_ I’m already so terrified of losing him, even after a week of knowing him. The worst part of immortality is watching those you love wither away until they die. I don’t want to watch that happen to Frank. _ _ I suppose I should _ _ No. I couldn’t. Not now. I could break it off now for the sake of my future, but I don’t think I could handle it  _ _ now. _ __

_ I wish I had kissed him. Just the once. I don’t know how the rest of the night would have changed, but I wish I had done it. He was right there, all pretty and adorable, and I could feel the blood rushing through his veins just under my fingertips. I should’ve just gone for it. But I knew he wasn’t ready. So I didn’t. And I suppose it’s better this way. He’s nervous. I’ll let him make the first move.  _


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this chapter was r o u g h but a looooot happens-- enjoy!!

###  **Frank**

Gerard and Frank had been together practically all the time since the meeting at Gerard’s house. Now it was Wednesday and Gerard had come to pick up Frank, surprising him after a photography class, his camera slung around his neck. It was sweet and Frank couldn’t stop smiling the whole way back to his apartment. Gerard kept glancing over at Frank who was practically bouncing in the passenger seat next to him, with a little smile on his face.

“What’re you so happy about?” Gerard teased, smiling to himself. “Having a good day?”

“Now I am,” he said, turning to face Gerard. “You're so sweet, you know.”

Gerard blushed. “Well, I wanted to see you again.” His hazel eyes sparkled as he looked at Frank, lighting up his face. 

“Can I see the painting when we get to your house?”

Gerard smiled and rolled his eyes. “We talked about this, it's bad luck.”

“And I still think that's bullshit,” Frank said, leaning against the seat and crossing his arms. “I don't get why I can’t see it, you don't even wanna sell it.”

“Because," he sighed, taking hold of Frank's hand, "If you see it, I'll fuck it up. It's happened before and it'll happen again.”

Frank laughed before saying, “Alright,  _ Gee.”  _ His voice was teasing and playful, using the nickname just to see the blush on his face. Gerard didn't respond and Frank chuckled again before continuing, “I heard Pete call you that yesterday. It was cute, I liked it.”

Somehow, Gerard got even redder and Frank mentally patted himself on the back for getting him like that. It was adorable and he was oddly proud of himself. Gerard always managed to reduce him to a blushing mess in just a few moments, and it was always nice to be on the other side of it. 

"Well then you can call me that anytime you like, Frankie," he said after a minute, giving his hand a squeeze. Frank grinned as they pulled into the parking lot of Gerard's apartment building. 

"I'll definitely take you up on that."

Gerard smiled and took Frank’s hand as they entered the elevator. “You're cute,” he murmured, squeezing Frank’s hand tighter. Once they entered the room, Gerard took him back to his studio and as he took out the canvas. Frank held up a finger and toggled with the controls on his camera. "What're you doing?"

"You've gotten to paint me, now I get to take pictures of you," he said, bringing the camera up to his eye. "Now smile!" Gerard grinned, and Frank snapped a few pictures from different angles, grinning as Gerard started to pose. Frank finished but kept staring at him, the softened light making his skin almost glow. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

"I- what?" Gerard's cheeks flushed as he shook his head and Frank grinned.

"You are. And I wouldn't normally use this word to describe a guy, but you're really fuckin pretty. Just like, the way all of your features fit together and everything. I don't know how to describe it. You're like one of those paintings you see in museums." Gerard stood frozen as he spoke, gazing at Frank with a soft expression. 

"Frankie," he murmured, and his hand drifted up to cup his face. Frank felt himself tense up slightly at the feeling of Gerard’s fingertips on his cheek. The two of them were so close, practically tasting each other’s breath… and Frank couldn’t take his eyes off Gerard’s mouth. It was beautiful and Frank had honestly never wanted to kiss a pair of lips more. Goddamnit, why did his touch feel so good? Why was his flesh  _ tingling _ as Gerard’s fingers danced across his face? His skin thrilled at the touch, itching, begging for more, and yet he couldn't bring himself to move closer.

Before long with the two just sitting and staring into each other’s eyes, there was a quiet knock on the studio door, startling the two so bad they both seemed to jump up and get as far apart from each other as possible when Mikey’s muted voice came from outside. 

“Hey Gee, you in there?” he called and Gerard glanced at Frank quickly before speeding towards the door.

“Uh, yeah, I’m here,” Gerard pretty much squeaked through the door. “What do you need?”

“Your paints are here, those fancy ones from Mexico or some shit, I don’t remember,” said Mikey as Gerard opened the door, still looking rather flustered; “I dunno, you were really excited about them.”

“Thanks, Mikey,” said Gerard, quickly, taking the box. "Love you." He shut the door behind him and set the box on the counter. He opened it and checked the contents for a second, placing the jars on an empty shelf before sitting down in front of Frank again. "So what do you want to do?" He asked.

"What do you mean? I thought you were still working on the painting?" Gerard snorted and looked down at his hands. "What?"

"I finished it on Sunday," he laughed, and Frank punched him on the arm. "I just wanted an excuse to see you, I guess." Gerard smiled hopefully, and he practically melted. 

"You could've asked, you know." He took one of Gerard's hands and tried to peel off the paint dried on his fingers. "I would've said yes." His voice came out softer than he meant it to, and he glanced up to see the same sad look on the other boy's face he'd seen a few days ago. God, he really was weak. Neither said anything for a minute until Frank realized he might’ve hurt the other boy. “I get it though,” he said at last, “I mean, you’re talking to the guy who talked about you so much to his best friend that he stole my phone to get me out of the house.” Gerard laughed and squeezed his hands gently, and the mood in the room shifted once more.

“That was adorable.” A blush spread across Frank’s cheeks, and he shifted so they sat closer together, their knees touching. “You’re so cute Frankie.” Gerard’s fingers curled around his own, igniting the itching in his skin again. Frank rested his head on his shoulder, not necessarily a rejection, but not accepting it either. Gerard seemed to understand, waiting for him to make the next move. After a moment he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist and curled into his lap, sighing as Gerard pulled him closer. One of his hands slid around his middle and the other started to brush through his hair.

Frank sucked in a sharp, yet silent breath as they sat. They were just  _ so fucking close _ right now. He had never been this close to somebody he felt this strongly about, it felt incredible, yet there was still a soft pang of guilt in the back of his mind. He could hear his mother’s voice, warning him if she noticed him looking at a guy the wrong way. The way she had, from a young age, made sure he knew that he  _ must not _ like men, he  _ must not _ be gay whenever two people of the same gender walked past them hand in hand, showed more than typical affection. Imagine what she would think if she saw him now, her own son practically in the lap of the pretty boy he ran into on the street. Oh, what she’d do to him. She’d kill him, surely. But when had Frank ever felt this way before? When had there ever been this spark, coursing through his veins every time their skin touched? It was like a drug, he couldn’t get enough of Gerard and his touch, his eyes, his smile… it was beautiful. 

So Frank took a deep breath and reached for Gerard’s hand, taking it softly and twisting their fingers together. He was going to love this boy if it killed him.

####  **_October 17_ **

_ I’ve seen Frank every day now for almost a week, and I don’t think I shall ever tire of seeing his face. He’s just so adorable and beautiful, and his face is always so bright with hidden laughter. His hands are soft, they fit so nicely in mine. I just want to hold him forever, to keep him safe from anyone who could hurt him. He’s gradually become more comfortable with me, holding my hand more and just being  _ _ closer _ _ to me. So achingly close it almost hurts when he pulls away. Every day I see him is a day better than the last. _

_ I can feel his anxiety rippling off him in waves when he talks about his family. His shoulders tense up and I can see his eye go dark and scared. He’s so terrified of what they’ll think of him. I want to help him, but I don’t know how. It hurts to see him so nervous. I just want him to be happy.  _

_ Frank makes me happy. More than anyone ever has for me. I want to be that person for him. And if it can’t be me, I want to help him find that person. I want him to be happy.  _

###  **Frank**

Frank rummaged through his clothes, desperately trying to find something other than an old t-shirt he could wear to Gerard’s art show. Gerard always dressed so nicely, in his dress shirts and blazers, and Frank wanted to look at least half as nice for him. He finally pulled out an old dress shirt he’d probably packed by mistake. It was wrinkled to all hell, but better than nothing, so he put it on and pulled on his darkest pair of jeans in the hopes no one would notice what they were. He stood in front of the mirror, cursing himself for not getting a haircut, but settled for just flattening it down and hoping it stayed.

Ray smiled up at Frank from where his arms were crossed on the bed. “Dude, you look fine. I mean, I’d kiss you.” Frank blushed and tucked his shirt into his jeans, trying his hardest to flatten it. They really should’ve invested in an iron. Ray just rolled his eyes as he continued. “You know, if you spend so much time worrying about how you look, you’re gonna miss the show.”

Frank glanced briefly behind him. “I won’t  _ miss _ it,” he said, tucking some of the unruly strands of hair behind his ears. “Gerard’s picking me up. I don’t have a car, remember?”

Ray blew a strand of coiled, mousy hair out of his eyes. “Well, you don’t wanna leave your prince waiting, now do you?” At that, Frank felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He took it out to check his alerts. Gerard was here. His knight in shining armour, saving him from his lovingly asshole-ish best friend. 

“Speak of the devil,” Frank chuckled to himself before grabbing a dark cardigan and tugging Ray’s hair on the way out. 

“Go get that artsy dick,” Ray called as Frank headed out and he flipped off his friend in response, saying nothing as he shot him a crooked smile. 

The sky was clouded over in typical October fashion and it was cold again. Frank was glad he had chosen the cardigan as he walked to Gerard’s car,blinking as wind blew hair in his eyes. His cheeks were still red from Ray’s teasing as he climbed into the car and Gerard smiled at him. 

“Why so blushy? I haven't even gotten to the flirting yet,” he said putting one hand on the armrest as if inviting him in. Frank took it, intertwining their fingers once more as he continued.

“Ray’s an asshole.” Gerard chuckled and squeezed Frank’s hand and Frank could feel his heart jump out of his chest. In fact, he needed to stop himself from drooling just looking at Gerard. He always looked nice but right now he was dressed to the  _ nines  _ with a whole ass suit, complete with a bow tie. A fucking  _ bow tie. _ There was nothing else Gerard could possibly do now to fluster him after this, after seeing this ensemble. “You look incredible, by the way,” he added in a quiet mumble, fiddling with the sleeve of his cardigan with the hand not occupied by Gerard’s.

Gerard grinned as he started driving, glancing at Frank briefly. “As do you,” he said with a nod before adding. “Not gonna lie, I didn't think you owned anything nicer than a solid color black t shirt.”

Frank laughed and said, “Honestly neither did I. I spent like two hours looking for something nice.”

“Well, I appreciate the effort. You look great.` You know, I should take you suit shopping, I’d love to see you dressed up more often.”

Frank’s eyes were popping now as he leaned back into the seat. He looked over at Gerard with a small grin as he said, “I could just grab some from you, you've got enough.”

“You're so small though,” Gerard teased. “Plus it'd be the perfect date.”

“Well, you know what else is the perfect date?” He leaned into the center of the car, resting his chin on Gerard’s shoulder and grinning. “Watching movies together while I wear your clothes and you hold me.”

Gerard nodded slowly and blushed. “You're right. That does sound like a good date.” He pulled his hand out of Frank's and twisted his fingers into his hair, his thumb massaging Frank's neck gently. "We should do that sometime." He pulled into the parking lot of a local gallery, and took Frank's hand again. "Alright we're here. I'll have to stay by my stuff for pretty much the whole time, so don't feel bad if you want to leave and look around at some of the other art too. Or just go home, if you feel like it, these things tend to be long." 

Frank opened the door and looked over at Gerard. “Why would I leave?”

“I mean, I’m sure you have better things to do," he said quickly, shrugging as he stepped out of the car.

“Well, isn’t  _ this  _ a date? Why’d I leave a date?” Frank chuckled, as he walked out, looking at the way the color seemed to drain from Gerard’s face. Did he  _ not _ consider it a date? That was gonna be one awkward conversation.

“I-I guess it is.” He smiled hesitantly, and Frank held out his hand for him to take. Gerard's smile widened and he twined their fingers together. ‘Come with me, let me show you around.”

Frank followed Gerard, holding his hand tight as he walked into the building. It was a large, white building with lots of windows, making it easy to see the art. Inside, it was full of paintings and sculptures, all for sale and on display with many well-dressed people making Frank feel a little out of place in his wrinkled shirt and black jeans. Gerard walked to a corner full of art, most of which Frank immediately recognized from being in his studio. All the art was gorgeous, Frank was just in awe of the talent on display. If only he could create something like that. Gerard stood proud in front of his work when he made it to the corner his work was. He looked to Frank, shrinking into himself as he looked at Frank.

“Being here kinda freaks me out,” he murmured to his friend. “Everyone’s so much better than me, what if my stuff doesn’t sell?”

Frank clapped his shoulder, smiling. “You’re so talented, Gerard. You know, you’re honestly the best one here. And just tell me, has your stuff ever failed to sell?”

“I guess not…” Gerard smiled to himself, wrapping arms around himself.

“See, you’ll be fine.” Frank lightly punched Gerard’s arm and he stepped to the side, allowing Frank a full view of the area. That’s when he noticed the portrait. The one that Gerard had painted of him. 

It was gorgeous, pastels swirled in the background while Frank read in the chair. His features were sharp and well defined, yet soft and clean and Frank’s mouth dropped at the sight of the beautiful picture in front of him. A large, fluffy blanket was draped around his shoulders, reflecting soft light onto his face. How did he manage to make Frank look so pretty? He had painted Frank with his hair in his eyes, the black contrasting sharply with the pale pinks and blues of the rest of the image, and the way the light bounced off of it created a sort of halo effect around his head. He could look at it forever. He turned to Gerard, who watched him from the side, twisting his fingers nervously. 

“Gee, I-” he struggled to find words, staring at the painting. It was gorgeous, beyond anything he could have ever imagined. He couldn’t breathe. It was seriously beyond incredible. Gerard was so amazing. He had made this. He had spent  _ hours _ working on this, making it beautiful, making it flawless. 

Gerard blushed, smiling at Frank. “I’m so glad you like it,” he said quietly. Soon enough, a woman had come up to Gerard to discuss prices with him. Frank stood next to him with a huge grin on his face as he watched the two talk. Once she moved, Frank pulled Gerard into a hug. 

“I fucking told you they’d sell!!” Frank said, practically bouncing as he saw how Gerard was beaming. Gee broke the hug as he noticed another man walking over to him, but kept their arms linked and their hands clasped.

“How much for this one?” the man asked, pointing to the painting of Frank. Gerard glanced at the painting then back to the man, before resting his gaze on Frank.

“Tha-that one’s not for sale,” Gerard said quietly, pressing himself closer to Frank. “I just… it’s just on display.” The man scoffed. 

“No really, I can get you $75,000 for it,” he insisted, pulling out a checkbook and glancing up at Gerard, who just shook his head. “You want more for ir?”

“No, no, I don’t want to sell it.” Frank felt as though he were falling completely and utterly in love right now. Gerard didn’t want to sell the painting of Frank. He must’ve loved it a lot. Well, that or he hated it, and was going to burn it the first chance he got, but Frank was going to let himself look on the bright side for once. He squeezed Gerard’s hand, smiling when Gerard squeezed back. “It’s not for sale.” 

The man raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, putting the checkbook back in his pocket. “You sure? I could get you a ton of business.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” said Gerard, standing his ground and smiling at Frank softly. “I’ve got plenty of other work on sale if you would like to purchase something from me. There’s plenty that hasn’t been purchased yet.”

The man nodded. “Alright,” he said simply, turning to walk away. Frank looked at Gerard with wide eyes as the man walked away. Gerard had just turned off a huge offer to his painting, a painting of Frank.

“You-” Frank looked at him with a big grin on his face as he thought for a moment. Who cared what everyone thought? Who cared what his  _ parents _ thought? Who cared in general? Frank felt as if he was absolutely in love with the boy standing in front of him. 

So before saying anything more, he grabbed Gerard’s collar and smashed their lips together. Gerard stood frozen for a moment before he felt his hands on his face, nails digging into his cheeks as Frank stood on his toes in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Gerard was soon enough against the wall with Frank’s fingers pressed into his hips. Gerard’s lips tasted sweet, almost like honey, and each place where their skin met felt like it was on fire. Frank nipped at his lips softly, earning a satisfied noise as the kiss went on, likely drawing some looks. They pulled away slowly, Frank’s eyes closed as their lips parted. His mouth twisted into a smile as Gerard opened his eyes. 

“That was…” Gerard mumbled softly, looking at Frank.

“Thank you.”

####  **_October 19_ **

_ He kissed me.  _

###  **Frank**

It was about a day later and Frank probably should’ve been doing his homework, he had been hanging out with Gerard constantly. But he couldn’t focus, he couldn’t talk about it last night since Ray had been asleep when he got home. He was freaking out now, panicking now that he had  _ kissed Gerard _ . Gerard who was a  _ man!  _

“So, you kissed him?” Ray said with a raised eyebrow. “Good job, dude, I’m proud of you.”

“You’ve met my parents though, they’re gonna kill me." Frank’s voice was rising in pitch and panic, he was beyond anxious now. Yes, he wanted Gerard. He wanted him so badly, he wanted more than anything to just sit and be happy with him. But with his parents, he didn’t think that’d be at all possible.

“Who cares what they think,” said Ray, sitting up.

“Me! I do! I care!” Frank collapsed backwards onto his bed. “I don’t want them to be disappointed in me.”

Ray sighed, looking at Frank with something close to pity in his eyes. “Look, how about you call him over and we can talk about it. We can try and figure something out, okay?”

Frank ran fingers through his hair. “Why should I do that?”

“You kissed him, you have to talk about it sometime. And we can figure out what you two will do about everything.”

Frank nodded, grabbing his phone to call Gerard. He had said he’d be right over and he went to let him in the building. 

Once Gerard had arrived, the two were silent on their way upstairs. Gerard kept glancing hopefully at Frank, but he was silent as he unlocked his dorm, going inside before noticing Gerard was still standing by the door. 

“Y-you can come in,” he said, motioning for Gerard to enter. He walked in and stood awkwardly and silently before Frank patted the spot next to him for him to sit. Gerard lifted a hand to touch his arm before quickly dropping it, his brows furrowed in worry. Frank was tense, he was really tense. He hadn’t contacted Gerard at all, in fact the car ride home after the kiss was in dead silence.

“Frankie, are you okay?” he almost whispered, looking at Frank. Frank looked at him, without even responding. He just melted into Gerard’s side, needing some semblance of comfort. Gerard tensed for a second, then relaxed as Frank curled into him and buried his face in the other boy’s neck.

“Just hold me,” Frank murmured as he felt Gerard wrap his arms around him. He looked at Ray as if asking him to explain.

Ray’s mouth was set in a straight line as he watched Gerard run his fingers through Frank’s hair. “Catholic parents,” he said simply, and Gerard nodded knowingly in response.

“They’ll kill me,” Frank murmured and Gerard pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“No, they won’t. I wouldn’t let them.” Frank sat up and stared at him, the mussed black hair and the concern in his eyes, the way he looked like he really would protect him from his family if it came down to it. He took Gerard's face in his hands and kissed him slowly, more gentle than yesterday. Once the kiss broke, Gerard smiled at him but then his face slowly fell. “Look Frank, I like you a lot. I really really do. But I'm gonna need to know if you're willing to keep this up. What we have, I mean. ‘Cause as much as I really like you and I want this to work out, I don't want to be involved in something that sets me up for heartbreak.” He paused, then took hold of Frank’s face and brushed his thumbs along his cheeks. “I can’t let myself go through that again.” His golden eyes bored into him, and Frank tried to look away, but Gerard held his gaze, his eyes full of pain.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Gee, I just-” Gerard nodded, pulling himself out of Frank’s grasp, but he caught his hand. “I want to. I want to be with you, to work this out. This is all just so new to me and I- I don't know, but I want you here. With me. Please." 

Gerard’s breath caught and he squeezed Frank’s hand with a soft smile. The two looked at each other quietly awhile before Ray got up, grabbing his bag. “I should go. I got a class.” Frank nodded at him to say goodbye and watched him leave before collapsing on his bed. He was stressed and exhausted and wanted to just go to sleep and never wake up. He glanced at Gerard, sitting awkwardly before looking down at him.

“Will you lay with me?” he said, his voice quiet and somewhat broken. 

“Of course, mon chéri,” Gerard murmured, laying down and wrapping his arms around Frank’s middle. 

“You know French?”

“Only a little.” Frank grinned as he cuddled back into Gerard, letting all the awkwardness melt away.

“Thank you. For being here,” Frank said. “And being patient with me. I appreciate it.”

“Of course, Frankie,” Gerard pressed a kiss to the back of his head. “You need time, it’s your first relationship with a guy. I’m here for you.”

Frank made a soft, content sound from the back of his throat and let himself fall asleep slowly against Gerard’s chest.

* * *

Frank woke slowly, the soft puffs of Gerard's breath tickling his neck. Their hands were clasped at his stomach, Gerard's arm around his waist and his face pressed into Frank's neck. The room was dark, and Ray was snoring in his bed. He felt safe, for the first time in a while, he wasn't afraid. Gerard would help him, he'd make sure Frank wouldn't get hurt. He could stay like this, half asleep in Gerard's arms forever, but suddenly it hit him that he hadn't eaten since that afternoon, and his stomach turned painfully. He twisted around slowly, taking a moment to study Gerard's face, soft and peaceful, before his stomach twisted again. 

"Gee?" The other man groaned and tightened his grip on Frank ever-so-slightly. "Gee, come on. We've got to eat something, we slept through dinnertime." He kissed the tip of Gerard's nose and brushed the dark hair out of his face, letting his fingers pause on his face. Gerard opened his eyes slowly, the golden irises glittering in the moonlight. For a moment his brow was furrowed in confusion, but a smile formed on his face. 

"Frank? What happened?" His voice was low, rough from sleep. They sat up slowly, Frank sighing as he stretched.

"We fell asleep, it's like 2am or something. And I don't know about you, but I could go for some pancakes." Gerard nodded, pressing his face into Frank’s shoulder. “I had no idea you were such a sleepyhead.” 

“‘M not,” he muttered, “You’re just comfy.”

“Alright well I need food and you should probably tell your brother where you are, it’s been hours.” Frank teasingly pushed Gerard over so he was laying on his back and got up, straightening the hoodie he had been wearing.

“Fuck, you’re right, I can’t believe I fell asleep.” He stood up and wrapped an arm around Frank’s waist. “It was nice though. I don’t usually sleep well.”

“Well I’m glad I could help. Now let's go get food.” He stuffed his keys in his pocket and dragged Gerard out of the room.

* * *

“God, these are incredible,” Frank moaned, shoving another bite of pancake into his mouth. “I haven’t had some decent pancakes in  _ months _ .” 

“I can tell,” Gerard laughed. Frank looked up at him with a smile, food remnants around his mouth. “How’re you doing? Feeling any better about earlier?”

Frank merely shrugged and dropped his fork. “I guess. I dunno, I know I’m an adult now and my parents can’t like… dictate what I do anymore but I don’t wanna disappoint them.”

Gerard moved to take Frank’s hand. “You’re doing great, you know. I know it’s scary, but I’m so proud.”

Frank nodded. “I just… I have this cousin who’s a hella successful lawyer and my parents really want me to be like him. It’s fucking stressful. I’m their only shot, you know? And my mom has not failed to let me know she wants grandchildren. I’d be 15 and bringing a girl home and she’d give me this  _ look _ . And I really don’t wanna be a disappointment.” He pushed his plate aside and grabbed Gerard’s hand in both if his. “That’s why I’ve been so… back and forth lately, I guess. I’ve wanted to, I don't know, do couple things, I guess? I've wanted to, but I always just kept overthinking it and eventually I'd convince myself I couldn't. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I’m sorry, I just keep thinking that I led you on, and-”

“Hey, Frankie, it’s okay.” Gerard’s other hand cupped his face. “I completely understand. You just needed time, and we’re here now, and that’s what matters.” He brushed his thumb over Frank’s cheek before pulling away and taking a sip of his coffee, keeping his other hand clasped around Frank's. “I like being with you, so let’s just be here, okay? Don’t worry about your parents or school or anything like that, just be here with me.” 

Frank took in a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said quietly as he smiled at Gerard. “I like being with you too.” He pulled one of his hands from Gerard’s and pulled his plate back in front of him. “The painting was amazing,” he said after a moment, “I literally can’t even describe how incredible it was.”

“Thank you. I- I wanted to do you justice. You’re so cute, and dare I say pretty, and I just wanted to show that.” He smiled, that dazzling bright smile that made 2Frank’s insides melt.

“You- I- oh my god.” He pushed his plate away again, resting his forehead on the table. "You can't take me anywhere, huh?" He sat up and smiled at Gerard across the table. "Have you called Mikey yet?"

"Shit, no." He pulled out his phone and put it to his ear, staring at their linked hands. "Hey Mikes, yeah, I know it's late, we fell asleep and Frank wanted pancakes." Frank could hear the faint echoes of Mikey's voice though the phone. Gerard chuckled at something he said before turning back to Frank. “Mikey wants me home. I should go, I hate to leave you-”

“It’s okay, Gee,” Frank said, getting up, Gerard moving next to him. “Don’t worry about me, it’s like two. You need to go home.”

Gerard grinned, hanging up the phone and pressing a soft kiss to Frank’s lips and brushing his cheek.

"I'll call you, alright?" He smiled as Frank nodded and squeezed his hand before leaving him to his pancakes.

####  **_October 20_ **

_ I can’t believe I actually fell asleep with Frank. I guess I’ve been sleeping less to spend time with him, but I’ve gone for much longer before. He fell asleep almost immediately, and I think I managed to stay awake for another hour or two, but something about not sleeping much and being with him like that pulled me under I guess. It was so nice, just laying with him while he slept, just laying with him in general. _

_ I’m really proud of him. He’s still scared, but he’s getting more comfortable with me. With us. It makes me feel good, like I’m actually doing something right. I feel as if he’ll end up more comfortable with me than Thomas ever was. Thomas and I had lived together for quite some time but wouldn’t lay with me unless we were alone and would sometimes immediately throw himself out of bed at the smallest noise in the night. He was just… really scared. I never really cared about whether people knew, I kept it under the radar for him, but it never concerned me, and it hurt sometimes. No, actually. It hurt a lot.  _

_ I’ve been trying to be more honest about my feelings. Trying to figure out how I actually feel. I'd like to stop looking at things through rose colored glasses. See what's really happening.  _

_ I don't think I would have loved Thomas as much as I did if he wasn't the only option I had. Mikey’s pointed this out to me several times, but I don’t think I noticed how starved for affection I was until Frank.  _

_ Frank makes me feel happy. For the first time in over a century I’m enjoying myself. I want this to last. He could be what I’ve needed my whole life.  _


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Raven here. This chapter was predominantly written by me, as Ash has been going through a rough time lately.  
> Taking this into consideration, I'll be headlining this project until they feel better, as I'm physically incapable of just not thinking about this story and really don't want to leave everyone hanging. So with that in mind, updates will be a bit slower than before.  
> There is good news though, this chapter is over five pages longer than our usual one as a treat, but mostly bc the first section was ten pages and we didn't feel like it was a proper ending.  
> That said, enjoy the chapter, please leave a comment, we love hearing your feedback

###  Frank

“Fuck, they’re five minutes away!” Frank pulled the corners of his blanket to cover his bed, trying to create some semblance of cleanliness before his parents arrived. Gerard sat in his desk chair, grinning as Frank stuffed empty water bottles under his bed. “Are you going to help?” 

“What do you need?” He stood up, taking hold of Frank’s elbows. 

“I don’t know, it just- it needs to look nice. They like to point out the things that I’m doing wrong, and I’d like to keep that list as short as possible.” He pulled him into a kiss, his fingers nearly clawing at Gerard’s face. “Not including you, of course. You’re wonderful. I can’t do that while they’re here. I’m going to miss you.” 

“I can stay,” Gerard said, a big smile on his face as he took Frank’s hands, pressing their foreheads together.

Frank nodded, pressing another kiss to Gerard’s lips. “Please.” Gerard smiled and spun Frank, lifting him off his feet just slightly. “Okay, that’s enough, babe. No more.” Gerard faked a pout and Frank got up to straighten his sheets before turning back to the boy he had been kissing a  _ lot  _ in the past few weeks. “Fine, one more.” Frank pushed Gerard back, sitting himself onto Gerard’s lap and pressing another kiss to his lips. Gerard pulled away for just a moment and smiled.

“Frankie…” he whispered. “Be my boyfriend?”

Frank smiled, nodding vigorously. “Yes,” he said, bringing their lips back together. Then he heard a knock on his door and panicked, jumping up off of Gerard to open the door for his parents. Immediately, his mother threw the door open and gave him a big smile, throwing her arms around him. 

“Frankie!” she practically shouted, standing on her toes to reach his shoulders. Frank chuckled nervously. Damn, why was it  _ so much worse  _ when she said it than when Gerard did. 

“Mom…” he said, failing to match her enthusiasm. “You… you remember I don’t like it when you call me that.”

She pulled away, crossing her arms, looking back at Frank’s dad. “Oh, do you hear this boy?” She looked back at her son, frowning. “That used to be all I called you, I can’t believe you grew out of that!”

“Yeah… I guess I’m just… older,” Frank said quietly, looking back at Gerard as if to shout,  _ HELP ME.  _ Gerard’s eyes widened and he shook his head ever-so-slightly, just as his mother started talking again.

“Well, have you got a girlfriend yet?” she pestered, wiping something off of Frank’s shirt. “On second thought, maybe we should get you in something nicer first… you can’t possibly have a girlfriend if you dress like  _ this _ everyday.” Frank looked down at the hoodie he was wearing. He leaned back and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, I don’t have a girlfriend,” Frank muttered. “Look, you guys should leave, Gee and I’ve got a Lit project to work on…”

“Well, any project you've got can wait, it's been months since we’ve seen you,” Frank’s mom said, wrapping her arms around him again. 

“Why don't you introduce us to your friend?” his dad said, walking more forward. “Maybe he should start dressing you, get you out of that hoodie.”

“Guys… this is due tomorrow and we've still got a ton to do… I’ll call you later and we can go to dinner.”

“You can make time for your parents, Frank,” his mom said, crossing her arms.

Frank nodded, running fingers through his hair. “Yeah. I’m gonna, I just need to finish this project with Gee and we can catch up.”

His mom crossed her arms and nodded. “Well, make sure you call us when you’re ready to go to dinner.”

Frank sighed in relief as Gerard smiled. “Alright, Frankie let’s get started.”

His mom raised an eyebrow. “Why does he get to call you Frankie and we don’t?”

“Okay, goodbye, we’ll talk later.” At this point, Frank was practically pushing his parents from the room. Once they were gone, Frank collapsed over Gerard’s lap. “I hated everything about that.”

“So, what projects are we working on?” Gerard teased, running fingers through his hair.

“Shut up, I just said that to get them out of here.” Frank leaned against Gerard before looking at him and smiling. “Well. Now that they’re gone… how is this… How’s this whole boyfriend thing going to work?”

Gerard chuckled. “Well, it’s just like when you’d have a girlfriend but now you get to take  _ my _ clothes ‘cause you’re small.”

Frank leaned up to kiss him softly. “I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

“Well, now we  _ need _ to go suit shopping,” Gerard said. “Your parents were practically begging me to take you. They don’t have to know it’s a date.” He kissed Frank’s temple, weaving their fingers together.

“I’ll just take all of yours.” He tugged on Gerard’s collar with a smirk, curling his fingers beneath the fabric.

“As adorable as that would be, I would be a terrible boyfriend if I let you walk around in clothes that were too big for you.” Frank stuck his lip out in a mock pout, then tightened his fingers around Gerard’s collar and pulled him into a kiss.

“You’re annoying,” he sighed as sarcastically as he could, “We can go tomorrow, it’ll be your birthday present to me.”

“You’ve never actually told me when it is, you know.” Gerard raised a questioning eyebrow as he teased Frank.

“Fine, but you have to promise you won’t laugh.” He sat up higher, draping his arms over Gerard’s neck.

“I swear on my violin.”

“It’s Halloween.” 

“No way…” Frank nodded slowly, and Gerard’s lips spread into a grin. “No. Way. That’s hilarious.”

“You promised you wouldn’t laugh,” Frank whined.

“I’m not, I’m not,” he laughed, “It’s just so fitting. Of course you’d be born on fucking Halloween. I bet your parents had a  _ field day  _ with that, huh?”

“Oh, they did. They think I’m possessed or some shit, and it gets worse every year. I got this done,” he pointed to his lip ring, and Gerard smiled. “I love it, but I got it done and I think they almost kicked me out.”

“It’s worth it because it really makes you look sexy as fuck,” Gerard teased, pressing a kiss to said jewellry. “Not even gonna lie, the lip ring kinda dragged me in.”

“Well I’m glad. Good to know it attracts pretty boys I bump into on the street.” He grinned and kissed Gerard’s nose. “You’re pretty, Gee, have I told you that?” 

Gerard’s face reddened, and he stared at Frank for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face. He opened his mouth to ask if something was wrong, but Gerard cupped his face and pulled him into a kiss, long and deep as Frank threaded his fingers into the other boy’s hair. They parted after a moment to breathe, Gerard’s thumbs brushing soft circles on Frank’s cheeks.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered, “I’m so glad you ran into me.”

“Alright, Frankie,” Gerard said, taking Frank’s hands. “Just text me if you need to get out and I’ll make up an excuse to get you, okay?” He brushed stray hair off of his forehead with a smile, his face softening. “Don’t force yourself to suffer,  _ mon chéri. _ ” Frank nodded as he bounced on the balls of his feet, playing with the sleeves of the dress shirt Gerard had borrowed from Pete in an attempt to make Frank look somewhat presentable. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just been so long since I’ve seen them, you know?” He closed his eyes as he let Gerard gel his hair back. “They’re judgy as hell, believe me, it gets worse than you’ve seen so far.”

“You’ll be okay,” Gerard murmured. Frank hugged him, burying his face into the taller boy’s shoulder. Gerard pressed a soft kiss to his hair. Frank hummed into his shirt, just enjoying the feeling of Gerard’s arms around him, the smell lingering on his skin. He could just stay here. He didn’t  _ have _ to go to that dinner. His parents could wait. He had a boyfriend now, he should spend time with him. His parents always made him feel like shit, Gerard just made him feel nice. Why should he spend so much time trying to make people feel better who did nothing but judge him and point out everything he did wrong? Why not stay with the people who cared about him, who made him feel better, people like Ray and Gerard.

"Thank you," he whispered, "For everything." Gerard's fingers brushed through his hair, twirling the ends at the nape of his neck.

"Of course." Gerard checked his watch and swore. "You have to go."

"I don't want to though," he whined, wrapping his arms tighter around Gerard's waist.

"I'll drive you, come on." He took Frank's hand, squeezing it gently. "It'll be okay. You'll be okay."

Frank sat at a table, drumming his fingers on anything he could reach. He'd gotten to the restaurant five minutes late, as Gerard had had to practically drag him out of the car, and had been sitting there for another five minutes, meaning his parents were ten minutes late for a dinner  _ they _ insisted on having. He was so fucking done. He shouldn't have come. 

He stood up, and was about to grab his jacket when his parents rounded the corner. Fuck. He sat back down, wiping his hands on his pants in an effort to make it look like he'd been to the bathroom rather than about to leave.

"You’re late,” Frank murmured as his mom dramatically threw her arms around him. “I’ve been here for like… 20-ish minutes now.” Well, no he hadn’t. But anything to make his parents feel bad about it.

“Well your  _ mother _ couldn’t find her necklace, and we got stuck in traffic on our way from the hotel,” his father sighed, sitting down across from Frank. “Nice to see you’ve cleaned up a bit.”

Frank broke eye contact, his hand reaching up to fidget with his lip ring before he slammed it back on his thigh. His parents hated when he messed with it. “Yeah.” He had never realized how much quieter he had been around his parents since his graduation. He was a rebellious teenager, absolutely loved breaking rules in high school and had gotten his first tattoo with the help of a fake ID. Yet now, he couldn’t look his own dad in the eyes as he scanned him.

Frank wanted to stab himself with his fork the entire dinner. There was some awkward dry conversation, his mother asking how classes were going, more pestering if he had a girlfriend. Before long his mom looked back up at Frank.

“What about that friend of yours? What did you say his name was? Gee?”

“Yeah, Gerard,” he muttered, hating the way Gerard’s nickname sounded coming out of her mouth.

She looked to Frank’s father before looking back at her son. “Do you know if he’s… you know…”

Frank chuckled awkwardly. “Wh-what do you mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“Is he…” Her voice hushed and she leaned in as she continued, “Is he… gay?” She uttered the word like the mere mention of it was going to get her killed.

“That’s, uh, neither of our business,” said Frank. “Who he wants to sleep with is for him and his partner to know.”

Frank’s father just rolled his eyes at that. “You know we don’t want you associating with people of that lifestyle.” He raised an eyebrow, as if he could tell what they’d been doing behind closed doors. Frank could feel himself starting to sweat, and decided he needed to change the subject quickly before things got closer.

“Look, I don’t know if he is or not! And if he is, good for him. Either way, I don't see why it's something you need to know. Let’s just focus on the dinner, please?” His mother huffed but turned her attention to her plate.

An awkward silence settled over the table, broken only by the tinkling of the silverware on the plates. His mother opened her mouth to speak a few times, but each time was cut off by a look from either Frank or his father.

Getting so close to being outed had killed Frank's appetite, and he pushed his food around his plate, staring numbly at the opaque glass. After a moment he began to push his lip ring around with his tongue, needing some sort of distraction from the agony of the silence. His father slammed his utensils down on the table. 

"Can't you take that damn thing out?" That was it. Frank couldn't do this anymore.

"Can't _ you _ go for ten minutes without making me feel like shit?" His mother gasped, hurt flashing across her face, but he didn't care. He stood up, gathering his things as he continued. "Seriously, I can't do anything without you guys pointing out every. Single. Fucking. Thing. That I've ever done wrong! And who are you to decide who I hang out with, or who those people love? It's none of your fucking business! This isn't fucking 1763, who  _ cares!! _ What if I was gay, huh? What would you fucking do then? You'd kick me out, wouldn't you? ‘Cause you guys are bigoted assholes! The world doesn't revolve around you! I know it's a crazy to think but look, you two need to shut the fuck up and leave people alone! And you want me to take this out so badly? Fine!” He reached for his lip ring and practically tore it out, slamming it on the table and definitely drawing some eyes as he stormed from the room. 

He walked out of the restaurant, feeling tears burning his eyes. He was such an idiot, he shouldn't have snapped, he shouldn't have freaked… but at the same time he was somewhat grateful he had. He had those words bottled up inside of him for  _ years  _ and finally was able to get them out. But now he had no way to get home. He took out his phone to try and call Ray.

“H-hey, can you come get me?” Frank said quietly. “I got pissed and left… they were gonna take me home.”

“Frank, I'm at work now,” Ray sighed. “You know I’d get out if I could, I’m sorry.”

“Dude, I don't have a car,” said Frank. “I'm stuck here and I don't want them to try to find me.”

“Just… call Gerard, have him get you.”

Frank bit his lip. “We just got together, man. I don't wanna seem clingy.”

“Look, you're stuck there until I'm out then. Which is at least until two.”

“Fuck…” Frank squeezed his eyes shut, not able to keep tears in anymore. “Yeah, okay.” He slid down the wall and held his legs to his chest, pressing his face into his knees. He didn't call Gerard for a good 10 minutes, just kind of realizing what he had done. He hadn't noticed his lip was bleeding from tearing the ring out until now, so he held his sleeve to his lip as he took out his phone to call Gerard.

“G-Gee?” he practically whispered into his phone. Now he was shaking, he realized, he was overwhelmed and tired and just wanted to go home and sleep.

“Frank, are you okay?” the worry in Gerard’s voice had caused Frank to flinch. “Aren't you at dinner?”

“The-they pissed me off so I left. Ray’s at work. Can you pick me up?” his voice was quiet and shaky, and he wanted to wipe away his tears but his free hand was covered in the blood from his lip. “I don't have a car. They were gonna take me home.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll be right there, Dear.”

“Thanks.” Once Gerard had hung up, Frank leaned back, pressing his face into his hands. He regretted his rant. He shouldn't have freaked. They were his  _ parents _ , he knew they thought the way they did. He shouldn't have freaked out, now they were gonna hate him. They'd be here at least a few more days, so he'd probably have to deal with them. 

It would be a minute before Gerard got there, so Frank focussed on trying to keep his face from bleeding so much. He pulled his arm out of his sleeve and pressed the empty fabric to his mouth, wincing as the hole stung. He shouldn't have done that. It hurt like hell and was probably either going to have to be closed up at best or stitched at worst. 

The sleeve was soaked in blood by the time Gerard showed up, and he rushed to Frank's side, panic flashing across his face, along with something else he couldn’t identify. 

"Fuck, what happened? Are you okay?" He tore his eyes away from the bloody sleeve and cradled Frank's face, inspecting him for other injuries. Frank couldn't bring his voice to work, so he just showed Gerard the hole in his lip, trying to keep himself from crying again. "Shit, come here." He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, brushing his fingers through Frank's hair as the smaller boy sobbed into his chest. 

"I want to go home," he mumbled, "Can you stay?" He couldn't be alone right now. 

"I've got nothing for the rest of the night. I'll take you back to my place and we can clean you up, alright?" Gerard pulled Frank to his feet, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Don't worry about the shirt, either. We can just get it dry cleaned. Just try to keep the blood from flowing too much." Frank nodded and slid into the passenger seat.

He could feel Gerard’s eyes on him as they drove, and at the first stoplight they came to he took Frank’s free hand.

“Did they do this to you?” His voice was calm, but Frank could hear the anger lingering behind it. He shook his head, sighing in relief as the blood finally slowed. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“There- there isn’t really much to say,” he said slowly, “They did what they do best, and I snapped.” He pulled down the visor to look at his mouth in the mirror. The piercing seemed to still be intact, he must have just tugged it earlier when he pulled the ring out. “They kept asking if you were gay, and I kind of lost my appetite ‘cause I don’t want them to know yet, and then my dad told me to take my lip ring out and I just sorta lost it.”

“I’m sorry,” Gerard whispered, squeezing his hand. He pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex, and got out to open the door for Frank. He sank into Gerard's side almost immediately, grateful for the comfort he offered. "How do you want to do this, because you're completely welcome to whatever you need."

"I'd like a shower," Frank said as they approached the door, "And a new shirt." Gerard chuckled and led him to the bathroom, carefully avoiding letting Frank get blood on anything.

"Do you want help cleaning off?" He asked, eyeing what Frank assumed was a lot of blood clinging to his face. 

Frank just shook his head. “Nah, I’m fine. I used to get in fights all the time, I’m kinda used to it. It just stings like a motherfucker.” He gave a thumbs up to prove his point, earning a tired smile from Gerard.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, trust me. I’ve ripped out the lip ring a few times before, I'm fine.”

“Emotionally?”

Frank let out a sour laugh. “That's a conversation for after I'm cleaned up.”

Once he had stripped off his bloody shirt and jeans, it was beyond amazing to feel warm water rushing over his face. It felt almost freeing after that wild night with his family. He felt almost safe.

When he got out he spent a few minutes inspecting himself for any last patches of dried blood in the mirror until a knock came at the door.

"Frank?" Gerard's voice was muffled through the door. "You decent?" Frank glanced down at the towel wrapped haphazardly around his waist, tightening it before answering. 

"Yeah, you're fine," He called. Gerard opened the door, holding a set of clothes.

“I uh- I just grabbed you some of my pajamas, I figured you’d want something comfortable.” He was staring at Frank’s chest, to the point where Frank looked down to see if he’d missed some blood.

“Is... something... wrong?” 

“You’re beautiful,” He whispered. Frank’s face began to heat up, and Gerard took a step closer, almost as if he didn’t realize he was doing it. “May I?” he asked reverently, his fingers hovering over his tattoos. This was completely new territory. The only person besides Ray who'd ever seen his tattoos was his doctor, and the way Gerard seemed almost hypnotized by them made his chest flutter.

“Umm, sure?” Gerard’s fingers started tracing the dark lines inked on his skin, his touch feather-light. 

"These are incredible." His face held a careful focus, studying each tattoo. 

Frank didn't know how long they stood there, but he started to shiver as the water dried, and Gerard shook his head. 

"Fuck, sorry." He handed the clothes to Frank, taking a step back. "I'll let you change, do you want anything to eat?" 

"I- yeah actually. Anything you've got is fine." Gerard nodded and took his hand, squeezing it gently before leaving. Frank put the clothes on quickly, trying to keep himself from picking apart what just happened. Gerard thought he was beautiful. He'd never been called that before. The way his fingers brushed across his skin, like he was something priceless, he loved being touched like that. Fuck, he said he wouldn't think about it. 

Gerard's clothes hung loosely on his body, not enough to be inconvenient, but just enough that he noticed it. He had to wear the pants higher than he usually would and the sleeves reached about halfway down his hands, but they were warm and comfortable, smelling faintly like Gerard. 

Frank found Gerard in the kitchen, making sandwiches. He was in pajamas as well, and turned to smile at Frank. 

"You feeling better,  _ mon cheri _ ?" Frank shrugged and stood to look over Gerard’s shoulder. “Just give me a minute, alright? Then we can lay down.” He turned and pulled Frank into a kiss, soft and keeping carefully away from the bad side of his mouth. “Or we can watch a movie. Whatever you want.”

“I think I need to lay down. We’ve gotta get something on my piercing though, before it gets infected.” He tapped a finger to his lip, his face scrunching slightly as the wound stung.

“Right. There’s a bottle of peroxide under the sink. You wouldn’t believe the number of times Pete’s come back with a busted lip.” Frank nodded and went to grab the bottle and some paper towels. Gerard finished with the sandwiches and took the supplies out of the other boy’s hands.

“Let me.” Frank pulled himself up to sit on the counter, grinning when he saw he was taller than his boyfriend. Gerard wet the towel and started to dab at Frank’s lip, his brow furrowing as Frank winced. “I’m sorry Frankie,” he murmured, bringing his free hand up to cradle his face. His thumb rubbed gentle circles in Frank's cheek as he finished and kissed the good side of his mouth.

Gerard held out a hand to help him slide off the counter, and Frank accepted, keeping hold of it like a lifeline. 

"Thank you. For doing this," Frank said, swaying a little and wrapping his arms around Gerard's neck to steady himself. 

"Of course.” He hooked an arm around Frank's waist and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Do you want to go lay down now?”

“I think I could watch a movie, if you want.” He let Gerard lead him to the couch, curling into his side once he sat down.

“Anything in particular?” Gerard asked, picking up the remote and flipping through channels. His free hand brushed up and down Frank's cheek and neck, twirling the hair that curled around his ear. 

"I dunno, anything's good." He flipped to another channel, bringing up a familiar teal-washed movie. "Oh my god is that Twilight? We have to watch it." 

Gerard glanced at Frank and chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, sure.” Frank cuddled into Gerard’s lap as they put the film on.

“This movie’s so dumb, I love it,” Frank said, a big grin on his face as he turned to his side and curled up. “I mean, the concept itself isn’t awful but it’s just  _ so poorly done _ . Like I guarantee you I could write a way better movie. I read the books a few years ago just out of plain morbid curiosity and like there's just no  _ plot,  _ it’s all poorly written romance! Maybe I could get behind it if like… the actual plot parts were focused on more but I just like,  _ can’t  _ with this shit. Like vampires are  _ so cool  _ and they just made that guy Edward horny and sad. Which, I mean that’s kinda me, but like I don't wanna  _ read _ about it, and there weren't any like, substantial character arcs. It's just boring.”

“They got the lore all wrong,” Gerard said quietly, his fingers seeming to freeze in Frank’s hair. "I understand that some of it's not really helpful to the story, but sparkling? Really? A huge part of the lore is sunlight being a major obstacle and it's just… not there." He paused and glanced down at Frank with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, horror’s a thing of mine."

"No, you’re right. I bet it sucks ‘cause like an actual vampire wouldn’t be able to go out at all when it’s sunny and those sparkly motherfuckers are just like ‘oh no what if someone sees me? It’s not like body glitter exists in this universe, but god forbid someone think I care about my appearance with my perfect hair and eyeliner, I just don’t know if my fragile masculinity can take it.’” Gerard snorted, rubbing a thumb over Frank’s cheek. 

“Says the boy kissing me every three minutes,” Gerard said with a chuckle. Frank looked up at his corny smile and pressed his face into Gerard’s thigh. He couldn’t believe he felt this comfortable around somebody. He turned and smiled up at the boy, the hole in his lip stinging as he stretched his mouth. Gerard ran a thumb over his lips, allowing Frank to press a soft kiss to his fingertip, causing Gerard’s smile to somehow get even wider.

“You brought this on yourself, babe,” Frank teased, feeling Gerard’s hands work his way around his torso. “I can’t help it when you’re so goddamn touchy. And that face of yours,  _ whoo _ , you got me immediately. You’re seriously gorgeous.”

Gerard was blushing now, leaning back to hide his face from Frank. “You’re such a sweetheart, I can’t with you.”

Frank was about to open his mouth, to see just how red he could get Gerard when the door opened and he heard Mikey’s voice coming in, chiding his boyfriend shamelessly. “Why the fuck do I put up with you, everywhere you go you get beat up,” he said, walking in with Pete limping and clinging onto his arm.

“‘Cause you love me,” he said in a sing-song voice, pressing a kiss to Mikey’s cheek.

“Why the fuck do I do that?” He teased, a grin causing the corners of his mouth to curl. He glanced up and noticed Frank in Gerard’s lap, grinning at the sight.

“We interrupting something?” Pete teased, leaning forward slightly.

“No, no, we were just about to start a movie,” Gerard said awkwardly, nudging his knee, forcing Frank off his lap. “C’mon Frank we should… leave. Now.” He got up, taking Frank’s hand before turning back to the two. “What happened to Pete?”

“Idiot got in another fight,” teased Mikey, pressing a soft kiss to Pete’s temples. 

“They were talking shit about you!” Pete practically shouted in response. “I’m not gonna sit here and listen to those assholes shit-talk my boyfriend!”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “I can’t have you getting beat up just ‘cause someone didn’t like my hair or whatever he said.”

“I’m not opposed to it.”

“You’re stupid, you know that right? You’re gonna get yourself killed.”

Gerard looked at Frank and squeezed his hand as the couple argued. “We should really get going. This is their foreplay.” Frank glanced back at the two, still arguing, but Pete had somehow managed to push Mikey against a wall, the taller boy’s hands holding his hips. 

“Okay. Yep. Let’s go.” 

Gerard pulled him into his room, slamming the door behind him with a sigh of relief. “When they get like that it’s best to just stay away." Frank grinned, tossing himself onto Gerard's bed. 

"Yeah, I bet. How're we gonna watch the movie, though?" Gerard went over to his desk and grabbed a laptop, holding it like a trophy. 

"I've got this, and we can cuddle better here anyway," He said, making himself comfortable and holding an arm out for Frank. 

Frank moved so they were next to each other, resting his head on Gerard's shoulder and tossing a blanket over their legs. 

"We should do this more often," He mumbled, stretching to look into Gerard's face, smiling out of the good side of his mouth.

"We should, yeah. And not just when I find you crying outside restaurants and covered in blood," He teased, kissing the top of Frank's head. "We're going shopping tomorrow though, remember?"

"Anything to get my parents off my back." 

"Are you ever going to tell me if you're actually okay?" Gerard shifted, turning to face him and cupping his face. "What happened?"

Frank took a deep breath. "I just couldn't take it anymore. The constant berating and just shitting on everything I've ever done. I think I could've taken it for a bit longer if they hadn't brought you into it." He laid his head in Gerard's lap, taking one of his hands and holding it to his chest. Gerard ran his fingers through Frank's hair, and he let his eyes slide shut and enjoyed the soothing touch. "You were so nice, and they just kept asking me if I knew if you were gay, and that they didn't want me being around 'people of that lifestyle.'" 

"I'm sorry," Gerard whispered, "You shouldn't've had to go through that because of me." Frank shook his head and sat up, pulling him into a kiss. His arms started to ache and his lip stung, but he held them together for as long as he could stand, letting the rush of Gerard's mouth wash away the pain.

He pulled away just far enough to breathe, keeping their foreheads pressed together. "I'd put up with them forever if it meant I could keep doing this with you. To just keep cuddling and kissing and talking and watching bad movies together." Gerard's face split into a grin, and he pulled their faces together again. 

Gerard's arms wrapped around Frank's waist, pulling their bodies closer, and Frank let his hands drift up to cup his face. His cheeks were damp, and Frank pulled away to see tears gliding down his face. 

"Gee, what is it? What's wrong?" Gerard shook his head, trying to pull away, but Frank held fast. "No, come on. I put my shit on you, tell me what you're thinking." 

Gerard sucked in his breath, pulling him closer. "I haven't had the best relationships in the past, and I know it hasn't been long, but you… you've just been wonderful. And I- I don’t want to seem forward or- or scare you away or anything, but I really think I could see myself… falling in love with you.” His voice died away, and he stared at Frank, so open, so vulnerable, all of his walls laid to waste. This was terrifying. Frank had never gotten this far in a relationship before, had no clue where to go from here. That was what this was about though, wasn’t it? Finding someone to love? Finding someone who’d love him? Gerard made him happy, wasn’t that what mattered?

“I think… I think I could see that too.” 

They were curled up in the corner of Gerard’s bed, watching Twilight and pointing out every stupid thing that happened. Gerard sat against the wall, with his arms wrapped around Frank, who sat with his back to Gerard’s stomach. Every so often Gerard would pause and press a kiss to Frank’s cheek or his temple or the tattoo behind his ear. Each time Frank took their linked hands and held them to his lips. About halfway through Frank’s eyelids began to drop.

“Gee?”

“Hmm?”

“'M tired." Gerard hummed and paused the movie, tossing the laptop to the foot of his bed and shifting so they were laying down.

It was nearly eleven, and while Frank had stayed awake longer for less, the events of the day had just been too draining to try and fight it. Besides, he was too comfortable with Gerard to bother moving. 

"Thank you,” he whispered, turning in so he was burying his face in Gerard’s chest. He squeezed Frank gently and pressed his face into his hair.

“Of course, dearest,” Gerard murmured into Frank’s hair as he felt himself slowly drift off, yet again in Gerard’s arms.

####  _ October 29 _

_ I'm writing this much earlier in the day than I would normally, but I didn't get the chance yesterday and Frank's still asleep, so I've got some time as long as I'm quiet. I've been with him for almost the entire day, starting after lunchtime, after he'd finished his work. He went to dinner with his parents, or rather, he tried to, but called me about an hour in asking me to come get him. I found him covered in blood, sobbing on a bench outside the restaurant. He'd ripped his lip ring out, and I'm willing to bet if I hadn't eaten while he was there things would have turned out much worse for both of us. I need to be more careful. It was hard enough to try and keep myself presentable with a full stomach, and I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt him. _

_ In an ironic twist of fate, Twilight came on when we were browsing movies after Frank began to feel better, and he insisted we watch it. I'm well aware of what this movie is and how it infantilizes my kind, and the polarizing effect it had on audiences, and I have to say it's refreshing to talk to someone who agrees with me. On the very slim chance that it came up in conversation, the general consensus is that it's not worth my time worrying about. 'You're 140 years old, stop getting insulted by a movie made for 14 year olds.' It's fine. I don't particularly care either way, but it's nice to not have been dismissed.  _

_ In other news, Frank is officially my boyfriend, and words were exchanged that I don't expect to have to remind myself of in the future. I'm going to take him shopping today for suits, and I have to say I'm excited. Even in an ill-fitting shirt from Pete he looked gorgeous, I simply cannot wait to see him in one made for him. Frank is somewhat less keen, he wants to take away some of his parent’s excuses to judge him, which is ironic considering he’s asleep in my bed at the moment.  _

_ This is the second time I've fallen asleep with him, and once again I slept better than I have in ages. I don't know what it is about him, maybe it's because he's so small, maybe it's because I'm comfortable with him. I don't know. Either way I find myself hoping we can do this every night, even if it means I've got less time at night to go out. _

_ Frank's waking up, I'll continue this later. _

#  Frank

Frank had woken up to the feeling of Gerard’s hand rubbing his back. He opened his eyes slowly to the sight of Gerard putting away a notebook onto his bedside table. Frank sat up, yawning loudly and leaning his head onto his boyfriend’s shoulder.  _ Boyfriend _ . Wow, it still felt so good to think that.

“What're you writing?” he murmured, sleep still evident in his voice, his eyes barely half opened.

“It's just a diary,” Gerard said thoughtfully. “You know, to make sure I don't forget anything important. And I had to log yesterday’s events.” Frank chuckled as he felt Gerard press a kiss to his head. “Your hair’s so crazy,” he teased, running his fingers through it. 

“I’m  _ not  _ a morning person,” Frank sighed. He felt Gerard nudge him off his shoulder softly and grab something off his bedside table, running a brush through Frank’s messy, almost shoulder-length hair. “What else have you written about?”

Though Frank couldn't see Gerard’s face, he could tell Gerard had blushed from his giggle. “Mostly… you, lately. You've probably been the biggest thing in my life that's happened in a while.”

Frank was blushing now, as he turned around and pressed his lips to Gerard’s. He stayed planted there for a moment, just kissing him before pulling apart and murmuring against his lips. “I’m a little hungry.”

“Want to go to a diner?” Gerard said. “I can take you home first so you can change into something.”

Frank nodded. “Yeah, that'd be sick.” Gerard helped him stand and took him back through to the door, quickening his pace as they passed the couch, where Mikey and Pete were sitting together, both barely clothed and passed out under a blanket. Frank chuckled as they loaded into Gerard’s car to go to his dorm. He really hoped his parents weren't there torturing Ray… Hopefully he'd just get a call later at the most. He did not want to deal with them.

Once they had arrived, Frank took Gerard’s hand and dragged him into the room where he saw Ray was still sleeping. He pressed a finger to his lips to make sure Gerard stayed quiet, as Ray was a light sleeper and grabbed a regular pair of black jeans and a ratty  _ Misfits  _ shirt before trying to hand the pajamas back to Gerard. He simply held up a hand as if to say he was fine, he didn't want them back, and Frank grinned. He could totally get used to having a boyfriend. He quickly ran to grab a silver lip ring from his bedside drawer and managed to get it in his lip, giving Gerard a smile. Maybe he should be letting the wound sit a little more, but he wasn't about to let the piercing close and plus, he knew how much Gerard loved it.

Once they left again, Frank was still smiling, not able to rid the stupid grin from his face. How could someone do this to him? 

“How do you do it?” Frank had said once the two of them were in the car. Frank was staring out the window but he could feel Gerard’s eyes on him, sharp and focused.

“Do what?”

“Make everything so much… better. I mean, I had such a shitty day yesterday. If it were with anyone else I'd probably be sobbing still, laying in bed. If Ray had picked me up like I planned I know I wouldn't be able to get out of bed today.”

Gerard just shrugged. “I don't know, I guess… Maybe we’re just supposed to be together.”

At that Frank felt himself exploding. Damn, what if? That would explain why he was so comfortable around him. Why everything was so much better when they were together. He wasn't a big believer in fate or destiny, but if it had brought them together, he could get behind that.

"Maybe we are."

"Are you going to be alright?" They were parked outside a strip mall, Frank holding onto Gerard's hand for dear life. This would be the first time they were going somewhere as a couple, and while he knew the world wasn't as bad as his parents, something in the pit of his stomach felt off.

"I'm going to try, but if I pull away, just know it's not your fault." Gerard nodded, giving Frank’s hand a squeeze before getting out of the car. He held out his arm, grinning as Frank accepted, weaving his fingers together to make sure his arm didn’t slip. 

“So, I know you probably haven’t thought about this, but do you have any idea of what you’re looking for, or like something you don’t want?”

“Umm.” Frank  _ hadn’t _ thought about it, and truthfully he hadn’t expected this to actually happen, but they were here, so he had to come up with something. “I like what you’ve got, and I don’t think I’m really a tie person. Something plain and dark, I guess.”

“Alright, I can work with that. I think you'd look great in a tie, but then again I think you'd look great in anything, so whatever you're comfortable with." Gerard smiled down at him, bumping their shoulders together. A man held the door for them as they entered the building, dressed in a navy blazer and a pale grey shirt.

"Gerard, nice to see you again, what can we get for you this time?"

"Good to see you too, Paul. I'm not here for me actually. There's been a bit of a family emergency so we're here for my... um…" He glanced at Frank, at their linked arms. His look seemed to ask if it was okay to say they were together. Fuelled by a sudden burst of confidence, he spoke up.

"I'm his boyfriend." Paul nodded, turning his attention to him. "My name's Frank."

"Nice to meet you, what are you looking for today?" And just like that, Frank's confidence was gone. He looked helplessly to Gerard, who grinned and squeezed his arm. 

"Something dark and simple, and no ties." Paul nodded and led them to a bench, then went to grab some samples. Gerard paused before sitting down, taking a moment to brush his thumb across Frank's cheek with a smile. "How are you doing, is this okay so far?" 

"Yeah," he said, "Yeah, I think I'm okay. I just forgot why we were here for a moment." Gerard chuckled, pushing Frank off when he tried to sit down. 

"Ah, no. You're here for a fitting, you can't sit." He stuck out his tongue, earning a middle finger in response as Paul returned with some clothes.

"Alright, so I have a few options here, basically some darker versions of red, blue, and purple, and then some black options as well. So just try them on, see what you like, and we can make adjustments from there. Don't feel bad if you don't like anything, we have plenty of options." Frank nodded and took the bundle, and Gerard gave him a thumbs up. "Once you find something you like, we can make adjustments."

He nodded again and found a changing room. The shirts were silky, almost iridescent, and Frank almost felt bad just touching them. He'd never worn purple before, but paired with a set of black pants he almost looked good. Deciding she should probably show Gerard each of the options, he opened the door, allowing himself to spin on the heels of his knockoff converse.

"You look fantastic!" Gerard stood up, clapping like a southern lady at an opera. Frank grinned and performed an exaggerated bow, twirling his hands through the air.

"Don't get stuck on it," he warned, "I've still got three other shirts, and another set of pants,  _ plus _ a couple jackets." 

"How could I not, though? You look so good!" Frank turned around in an effort to hide the heat rising in his cheeks, but Gerard grabbed his arm and spun him around, kissing him quickly before letting go and smiling. "You look great." 

"Well you're one to talk, you always look like a fuckin' angel of death, but I'll take it. I'll try on the other ones and you can help me decide okay?" Gerard nodded and sat back down, the ghost of a smile lingering on his face. 

Frank stepped out of the dressing room for every combination, each time earning a similar reaction from Gerard, a clap of his hands, a kiss on the cheek. The last one, the black shirt and pants, was his favorite. Nice enough his parents would be satisfied, but still fundamentally _ him _ .

"You have to go with this one," Gerard practically gushed, "It's perfect, you look like some kind of dark prince, come to take over the kingdom." 

"Only if you're by my side," he laughed, wrapping his arms around Gerard's neck. "I can't exactly run an empire on my own, now could I?" 

"Oh, I think you could, but I wouldn't say no to a little royal treatment." He curled his fingers in Frank's collar, grinning crookedly as they inched closer together. 

"As much as I'd hate to interrupt you," Paul said from over Frank's shoulder, "There's some adjustments to be marked out, if you've come to a decision."

"I really like this one," Frank answered, pulling away from Gerard and straightening out the clothes. 

"Excellent. So I'm thinking we take in a little on the bottom of the legs as well as the back of the shirt, creating a slimming effect, and then we shorten the pants and the sleeves, so they reach just below your ankles and wrists respectively."

"I have no fucking clue what any of that means, but you're the expert, so let's do it." Paul nodded and pulled out some chalk, then began making marks on the clothes, where Frank assumed they would pull in the seams. 

When he was done Frank went back into the dressing room to put his jeans and t-shirt back on, and handed the suit back to Paul.

"Well it's been a bit quiet lately and these are minor adjustments, so we could have it to you by the day after tomorrow."

"Oh, just in time! This is his birthday present from me." Gerard wrapped an arm around Frank's waist.

"Well happy birthday to you then. Gerard, I'll call you when it's ready." Gerard nodded, and handed over a credit card for Paul to scan. "It was nice to meet you, Frank." He handed Gerard his credit card again, and the couple stepped out into the cool October air.

The instant they were out of the store, Frank stepped closer to Gerard, burying his face in his boyfriend's neck. 

"Aw Frankie, are you alright?" 

"That was both terrifying and incredible." Gerard made a soft noise and pulled him into a hug, rubbing slow circles into his back. "I figured you wouldn't take me somewhere that wouldn't be cool with… us, but it was still nerve-wracking. But also really fun, and I'd definitely do it again."

"Well I'm glad you're okay," He said after a minute, pressing a kiss to his temple. "And I'm sorry for freezing in the beginning there, I just wasn't sure what you're comfortable with in the label department." Frank pulled away a little, just enough to see his face, and smiled.

"It's fine, I wasn't sure what to make it either, but I do like calling myself your boyfriend. I feel important." Gerard was quiet, so Frank kissed his nose and pulled him back to the car. 

"You  _ are _ important." His voice was nearly a whisper, almost completely drowned out by the highway not a hundred yards away. Frank turned to see him standing just past the back of the car, rooted in place like an immense weight had suddenly been placed on his shoulders. He stared at Frank with eyes full of pain, as if he'd just seen the end of the universe and lived. 

"I mean, not in the grand scheme of things. It's not like someone a hundred years from now is going to remember my name, or who I was. I'm just another kid from a small town who just happened to move to a larger one, and maybe one day I'll do something that matters, but probably not. And I'm fine with that honestly. I don't want things I've done to be squished down into some kind of history lesson that assholes can twist in order to justify their shitty behavior. I don't have some psychological need to be remembered, one lifetime is enough, and if I don't do everything that I wanted, that's on me. The world isn't going to stop turning when I die, so like I said, not really all that important." 

Gerard stared at him as he finished, then brought his hands up to cup his face. 

"You're very important. To me, to Ray, and I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm sure you're important to your parents. Please don't tell yourself you're unimportant or insignificant. You're important to me. You're so cute and sweet and funny. You're quite honestly the best thing to happen to me in years. I love how you tap your fingers on everything and play with my hair. I could listen to you rant about shitty romcoms for hours." He paused and kissed the tip of Frank's nose. "I love when you do that." He kissed him again, keeping their faces close. "You're so important. You have to know that." 

Gerard wrapped his arms around him, holding him close for just a moment before a car drove by and Frank pulled away.

"Thank you." 

"Of course,  _ mon chéri _ ." 

####  _ October 29—Addendum _

_ Ok, I'm back. Frank's gone, he had to go to work and do homework. I didn't want him to go. I actually slept last night, and while it's not necessarily something I need, just the feeling of being that close to someone, to him… I'm not sure, but it's nice. I miss him. Is that pathetic? It's only been a few hours, but I miss just having him next to me. He's comforting in ways that I never knew I needed. I don't know. I just like being around him.  _

_ We were together in public for the first time today. As in,  _ _ together, _ _ together. And he was the one who brought it up. I wasn't sure whether he was ready for that and let him decide to say, and he did. I could've kissed him right there, in the middle of the conversation. I wouldn't do that to him though. I'll let him decide when things should happen. Baby steps, mon chéri, baby steps. _


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long and I'm so sorry, but hopefully the next one should be out soon, featuring some spicy events  
> I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment as jt means a lot to us :)  
> ~Raven

###  Frank

Frank didn't think there was a sound he hated more than the sound of his alarm, but apparently the sound of his phone ringing while he was trying to sleep was worse. Unless it was Gerard calling, but of course it wasn't. Ray had practically shook Frank awake, as he had just turned to lay on his face, hugging his pillow.

“Dude, you gotta wake up,” Ray said, tossing a pillow on him. “It’s your dad.”

“It’s also 7 AM and I don’t have my first class ‘till 10:30,” Frank murmured as Ray had practically flipped him over. “I don’t wanna talk to my dad today.”

Ray raised an eyebrow and he sighed before grabbing his phone to finally speak. “Hey dad…”

"Frank, happy birthday." 

"Oh, uh… thanks?" He'd been expecting a lecture or something, not well wishes.

"Are you going to apologise?" There it was.

"For what?"

"Dinner?” his father said and Frank cringed at the way he spoke. He hadn’t had  _ that _ tone used on him since high school and getting it again felt absolutely terrible. 

Frank ran his fingers through his messy hair. His chocolate brown roots had started to grow out into the black dyed parts and the length was getting a little too hard to handle. He’d have to chop it off soon enough. “Yeah. Yeah, I went batshit, but I don’t wanna sit here acting like I regret it.”

“Frank.” He flinched at the stern, condescending tone of his father’s voice, but held his ground nonetheless. No, after 21 years of internalized homophobia and loathing for his family, he was done.

“Wake  _ up, _ guys,” Frank said, glancing anxiously to Ray, who motioned for him to keep going. “I’m growing up in a different world than you guys. Where these things that you may not particularly like are meant to be accepted. Please just… Okay, maybe I’m sorry for yelling. But I’m not sorry for what I said.” He heard his father sigh into the receiver and decided he should try and patch this up one last time. Or at least get his father off his ass. "Gerard and I are going to have lunch at the new restaurant across from the grocery store, if you want to come."

"Alright, we'll see you there." Frank hung up as soon as his father finished speaking, immediately pulling up his texts with Gerard.

_ Frankie: Hey can you pick me up? _

_ Gee: Happy Birthday! _

_ Gee: I'm not sure if I can right now, but I probably could after your class. _

_ Frankie: Thanks! And I'll see you then! _

Frank checked the time, 7:24, then tossed his phone onto the nightstand and tried to get back to sleep. It was his birthday, he wasn't going to wake up until he absolutely had to. 

Why did he offer to have lunch with them? They'd use that to get invited to a dinner or something, and then they'd be back to ordering him around like he was a child. He'd put up with it last year, with them moving him back home and everything, but things were different now. He was older, he had a boyfriend who cared about him and wanted to help. Ray knew, and he was more family to him than either of them combined. He wasn't going to take their bullshit anymore. 

He sat up, taking a minute to straighten his hair out before pulling on a pair of jeans. If he couldn't go back to sleep he could at least get coffee. 

"Hey I'm going to the café, want anything?" Ray shook his head, not looking up from a textbook he was studying. "Alright. I'll probably head to class after and Gee's gonna pick me up from there. See you later." Ray hummed and waved a hand as Frank stepped out the door.

He was about halfway to the cafe when he realized he was wearing Gerard's pajama shirt, but at that point he figured he'd just go with it. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body to keep out the cold and kept going. 

The coffee shop just off campus was packed with professors and students alike, all standing in a dazed line. Taking a quick glance around, he saw Mikey sitting at one of the tables in the corner, typing away at a computer. Frank could go sit with him, would that be weird? He was dating his brother, that might be too weird. It wasn't like he had anything better to do, though. He got his order and slowly made his way over.

"Hey, Mikey…" The other boy glanced up, the corners of his mouth twitching up. "Can I sit?"

"Yeah, sure!" He pulled his bag off of the table as Frank sat down in the chair across from him. "Gerard told me it was your birthday."

"Yeah, I'm 21, I get to drink now." He waved his hands around in subdued jazz hands, earning a chuckle from Mikey. The coffee shop was warm, so Frank pulled off his jacket, ignoring Mikey's raised eyebrow as he took in his shirt. 

"Oh, nice. That'll be fun. Happy birthday." 

"Thanks! I'm having a party or whatever you call it at the bar tonight, if you and Pete want to come." This conversation was struggling. He liked Mikey, they just didn't really have anything to talk about other than Gerard, and that was off the table. You don't talk to your boyfriend's brother about said boyfriend. "I've got to go to class, but again, you're welcome to come to the thing tonight, if you want."

"Yeah, sure. Enjoy your class." He gave a small nod as Frank left, remembering just as he left the building that he had lunch with his parents. 

_ Frankie: Fuck I just remembered I invited my parents to lunch.  _

_ Frankie: I just panicked, my dad was on the phone and I needed to say something to get him off, I'm really sorry _

_ Gee: It's alright, we'll figure it out. We'll talk about it after your class _

_ Frankie: Ok. Thank you _

_ Gee: Of course, see you then _

A warm feeling bloomed in his chest. Maybe it'd be better this time. Gerard made things better, and he could probably find an excuse to get him out. Just two more days and they'd be home and he wouldn't see them for another month. A whole glorious month until Thanksgiving.

Frank tucked his phone back in his pocket, smiling slightly, and made his way to class. 

Clouds had filled the sky in the two hours Frank had been in the lecture hall, bringing an abrupt end to the previously sunny day, probably the last one they'd see for a while. It had been chilly earlier, but now Frank was practically shivering in his jacket, wishing he'd brought some form of insulation. 

Gerard sat under a tree, completely absorbed in a book. Frank sat down next to him and rested his head on the other boy's shoulder. 

"What're you reading?" Gerard smiled and pressed a kiss to his hair, weaving an arm around his waist. 

"Just something I found on my shelf," he replied. He plucked a blade of grass and used it to mark the page, then closed the book and set it on his lap. "Happy birthday,  _ mon chéri. _ " 

"I like it when you call me that. It's 'my dear' in French, right?" 

"It is, and I'm glad you like it, though I wish I didn't have to stop on account of your parents," Gerard said teasingly, standing up and brushing off his pants, and held out a hand to help Frank up. 

"Sorry." He accepted the hand and continued to cling to it after he stood up. "I panicked. They wouldn't have left if I hadn't tried to do something with them, and I don't think I could handle another dinner, or anything really, without you or Ray." 

"Well I'll be here for as long as you need." Frank pulled him into a kiss, letting his fingers curl into the collar of his jacket. Gerard's arms wrapped around his waist, warm and safe. It wouldn't be so bad this time. They separated, Gerard brushing his fingers through Frank's hair. "You ready to go?" Frank nodded and held on tighter to his boyfriend's hand. 

The day had become warmer and the restaurant was close, so Gerard left his car in the campus parking lot and they just walked. Frank knew at some point he'd have to let go of Gerard's hand, if only for the few minutes before they sat down, but for now he held on as tight as he could bear. 

About a block away from the restaurant Gerard paused and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. 

"If you need to leave just let me know and I'll figure something out, okay? Just tap my knee a few times and I'll say one of your professors assigned a last minute pop quiz that we need to study for or something." Frank nodded and stood on his tiptoes to kiss him again, letting his hands linger on Gerard's face. 

"Where would I be without you?" 

"Probably not here," he laughed, "Speaking of being here, we should probably just go and get this over with."

"Fiiinnneee," Frank groaned, linking his arm with Gerard's as they continued to walk. "Thanks for not abandoning me."

"I didn't want to leave  _ last  _ time, and we both know how well that went, so there's absolutely no way I'm letting you go through that again without me." They reached the restaurant and Frank slowly slipped his arm out of Gerard's, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from wrapping his arms around him and never letting go. Gerard held the door open, his hand brushing Frank's arm and the small of his back as he passed. 

Frank's parents were already at the table, poring over the menu as they sat down. 

"Hey guys," he said as he pulled his chair out, "Sorry we're late. The weather was nice so we walked." His father set his menu down and just like that Frank's hand was fumbling for Gerard's under the table. 

"We just got here a few minutes ago ourselves. It took a minute to find the place." That was milder than he was expecting. Gerard's thumb brushed over the top of his hand. "Who's your friend here?"

"I'm Gerard, sir. Frank and I are in Lit together." 

"Well it's good to see he's got friends other than Ray," his mother cut in, "Frankie's never been the social type." There was the nickname again, sounding condescending and _ wrong _ coming from anyone's mouth but Gerard's. 

"So what is it that you do, Gerard?" His father asked, leaning forward in his seat. "Suits like that don't come for free."

"I'm an artist. I live with my brother Mikey and his… friend Pete just off campus." 

"Ah." He sat back, his face clouding over, and Frank squeezed Gerard's hand slightly. "What does your brother do?"

"He works for Microsoft, he's a tech genius. Pete's a chef at a restaurant down the street." Frank's father nodded, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit. "What line of work are you in?"

"I'm an accountant. Have you considered having an actual career?" Why did Frank expect this to go well? He was holding Gerard's hand so hard it was actually starting to hurt, but if he let go, he was pretty sure he'd just leave. Gerard blinked for a second, his grip tightening as well as he searched for words.

"I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year doing what I love, I think that qualifies as a career, don't you?" He smiled, his eyes entirely too cold and his mouth ever so slightly too wide and too full of teeth. "And I'm damn good at it too. I painted your son a few weeks ago, you should stop by sometime and see it." He cocked his head to the side and Frank nearly spat out the water he was drinking. 

Frank's mother seemed just as desperate as him to diffuse the tension, so she quickly muttered a "We'll have to visit before we leave." Before turning to the waitress and ordering her food. All of the anxiety killed Frank's appetite, and Gerard's as well, so they each ordered a small sandwich and some fries to split. 

They ate their food in silence for a moment, until Frank's mother decided they should discuss his love life again. 

"That waitress was pretty. Do you have a girlfriend yet?"

"No mom. It's been two days. Do you really expect me to have found someone I like, who likes me back, and gone on a date with them in two days?" He  _ had _ gone on a date in the last two days, just with his boyfriend, who he cared about and liked spending time with, and not some random girl because his parents desperately needed him to be straight. He pulled his hand out of Gerard's, folding them on the table and staring across at his mother. "When has having a girlfriend ever worked out well for me? What if I don't want a girlfriend?"

"Don't be silly, of course you want one. You've got to give me grandchildren!" He shuddered at the thought. Gerard's hand came to rest on his rapidly bouncing knee. 

"Excuse me for a minute." Frank stood up abruptly and rushed to the bathroom, locking himself in a stall and leaning heavily on the wall. 

"Frank?" Gerard's voice echoed through the room, followed by the sound of the door closing. "Are you alright?" 

"I'm okay. I just need a minute." He let himself out of the stall and practically fell into Gerard's arms. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." 

"People have said worse, I'll be okay. I'm worried about you." He brushed his fingers through Frank's bangs, smoothing them out of his eyes. 

"I just want them to stop. I'm so tired of their shit, I just want to  _ exist _ . I want to live my life  _ my way _ , with you, or whoever I choose to live it with, not some random girl because my parents want me to have kids. I don't even want kids!" He was nearly hysterical now. But he had to calm down. He took in a deep breath and melted back into Gerard’s arms. “I’m okay to go back now.” He pulled away, then paused. "Wait, just one more thing." He curled his fingers in Gerard's collar and pulled him into a kiss. It was more desperate than he intended, lasting several minutes and ending with Gerard's back pressed against a wall and his hands creeping up Frank's shirt. His fingertips were cold, sending a shiver down his spine. 

No. They couldn't do this right now. 

Frank pulled away, furiously straightening his clothes and hair. Gerard stayed against the wall for a moment, breathing heavily and eyeing Frank as he smoothed down his hair. 

"Ok, now I'm ready." Gerard snorted, running his fingers through his own hair and tugging his collar down. 

"You sure? I'm pretty sure we could just sneak out the back of you really wanted to." Frank shook his head with a smile. 

"If we don't come back they'll come looking for us, and then we're really fucked. That or they'll nag me 'til the end of time and we'll never have any peace." He laughed and tapped the end of Gerard's nose. "We should leave soon though, any more of this and I might just blow my own brains out."

"Well we can't have that, now can we?" One of Gerard's arms snaked around his waist and his free hand took Frank's. He started to sway gently, pressing his lips to Frank's forehead. "I'd be so lonely without you," he murmured, his voice quiet and sad. He kept swaying for a moment before straightening up. "We have to go."

Frank held onto Gerard's hand as tight as he could until their table was in sight, and he once again stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

"Where have you been? Your food's gone cold," his mother called out as Frank sat down and shifted his chair so it was closer to Gerard's. "What were you doing?"

"I- uh… I've got a bit of a stomach ache, I may have to leave early." His mother raised an eyebrow and he held up his hands. "Not right now, but soon probably."

"Whatever you say, Frankie." His shoulders tensed, and Gerard placed a hand on his knee. Thank God he was here. This would be fucking unbearable without him.

"So have you spoken to Ryan lately?" His father asked, picking at his salad. 

"You mean  _ Charlotte _ ? She's been out for years now, guys, come on." He turned to Gerard and lowered his voice. "Charlotte's my cousin.  _ She _ came out as trans about six years ago now. Lives in Boston with her husband Trevor." He nodded his head in the direction of his parents. "Them and everyone else in my family insist on deadnaming her, so I'm pretty much the only one she talks to anymore." Gerard breathed out a soft "ah" and shifted his hand up to Frank's. 

"It's such a shame we don't see him anymore. He had so much potential, didn't he? I heard he and his roommate started an animal shelter lately, how cute.” 

"Mom." Frank was inches away from slapping her. If this was what it was going to be like when he was out, he'd cut ties with them too. "Charlotte and Trevor have been married for  _ two years _ now. You guys just weren't invited to the wedding cuz you've been dicks to her even before she came out. You kept calling her a fag, and refuse to call her by her name, of course she doesn't talk to you!"

"Don't talk to your mother that way!" Frank's father was practically yelling, all the food on their table forgotten. Frank rounded on him, and he stared his son down. "You didn't used to be like this. College has changed you, Frank."

"Like what? A decent human being?" He stood up, almost forgetting to let go of Gerard's hand. "I've had it with your conservative bullshit! Gay people exist, trans people exist, all of those other genders and sexualities you think are just people trying to be special  _ exist _ . And they deserve to live their lives without bigoted assholes like you fucking up their chances at happiness." He grabbed his jacket and started shoving his arms through the sleeves. "C'mon Gee. We can't change their minds." 

Frank stormed out of the restaurant, not bothering to check if Gerard followed. 

He finally stopped a block away from the restaurant, leaning against a wall and sinking to the ground. Gerard sat down next to him a minute later, resting his head on Frank's shoulder. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Just pissed. She's just worked so hard to get to where she is. The first two years she was on HRT she sent me a voice message where she just said 'this is my voice now.' I looked forward to it every week, it was just so cool to hear her and how happy she was." A car drove past them and Gerard stood up and held out his hand to pull Frank up. "Thanks. I just… I can't go to family shit anymore 'cause they always talk so much shit about her, and soon it's going to be worse, 'cause I'll be damned if I let them scare me away from you." He paused, taking in the unreadable expression on Gerard's face. "Are  _ you  _ okay?"

"I just don't understand how two people _ that horrible _ could create  _ you _ . You're literally polar opposites." Frank could feel heat gathering in his cheeks, but he grinned and shrugged it off, turning and walking backward so he could face Gerard. 

"I guess I am pretty great," he teased, grinning wider as Gerard laughed. 

"You're such an idiot, but yes. You are." He tugged on their linked hands, pulling Frank back into his side. "Happy birthday,  _ mon chéri _ ." He kissed the tattoo behind his ear, swinging their hands as they walked.

"I wanna do something. Let's go do something together. Just you and me. Get those bastards out of our heads. What do you want to do?"

"It's your day. I'll do whatever you want to do."

"Yeah, but we've done a lot of what I want. I dragged you to this lunch, the least I can do is let you pick what we do next." Gerard sighed, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile.

"You want to see a movie?"

Frank convinced Gerard to take him home to get an actual shirt, with much protesting from the latter.

"You look so cute, though!" He was laying on Frank's bed, his feet on the wall and his head hanging off the side. His dark hair almost brushed the floor, and his golden eyes glittered as Frank pulled out a Black Flag shirt and tugged it over his head. 

"Yeah, but I can't exactly go out in someone else's pajamas," he sighed, bending down to capture Gerard's mouth in his own. 

"We still have to pick up your suit," he reminded Frank, "It's ready today." He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair to untangle it. 

"We can do that after. Let's go see that movie."

Gerard let Frank pick the movie, grinning as he practically skipped into the theater, dragging Gerard behind him. 

"Just to let you know, I'm not good with these kinds of movies," Gerard warned, grabbing Frank's arm with both hands as they sat down. "I'm not the biggest fan of gore."

"You'll be fine," Frank laughed, "and you can always hide in my shoulder if you have to." 

"Oh hush. I like psychological horror. Movies that make you question your morals and existence. Stuff like this, straight gore, not so much." Frank snorted, shifting so they were sitting as close together as they could with the armrest between them. 

"Don't worry Gee, I've got you." Gerard stuck out his tongue, but then smiled and cosied into his side. 

Frank tried to pay attention to the movie, he really did. Gerard was right, it was more of a gory movie, and while he never actually hid, he kept a vice-like grip on Frank's arm that actually made his fingertips start to go numb. 

"Gee," he whispered when the movie seemed to calm down for a moment, "Your hands are really tight."

"Fuck, sorry." Gerard pried his hands off of Frank's arm and stretched his fingers. "You alright?"

"Yeah, it just hurt a little." He flexed his hand, wincing as the pins and needles inched its way up his arm. 

"Sorry." He adjusted his grip and relaxed into Frank's arm, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"It's okay." Frank put his head on top of Gerard's, smiling as he shuffled closer. Someone behind them hissed for them to be quiet, and Frank gave them a thumbs up, followed by his middle finger. 

Without the constant digging of Gerard's fingers into his arm, Frank was able to actually pay attention to the movie. Mostly. He kept glancing down at Gerard, at the way the light from the screen bounced off his face, the curve of his eyelashes as he blinked at the screen. He looked almost angelic, the soft curves of his features glowing. An angel who showed him how to push the boundaries of everything he'd been taught was wrong. His angel from Hell.

The movie ended and they lingered for a minute, just watching the credits roll across the screen. Gerard insisted they stay for all of them, give the people who worked on the movie the recognition they deserved. 

"Well I don't know how well you were paying attention, but I couldn't stop looking at you," Frank said as he threw out the empty popcorn bag. Gerard smiled, his whole face lighting up. He placed a hand on Frank's cheek and brushed his thumb across his cheekbone. 

"You're so sweet. What did I do to deserve you?" 

"I think you deserve the world just by existing," Frank said, stretching to kiss his cheek. He wrapped an arm around Gerard's waist and pressed his face into his neck. Gerard kissed the top of his head and draped his arm over Frank's shoulders as they walked. 

They got in the car and Frank's phone chimed, showing a message from his cousin Charlotte. 

_ Random Small Creature: Happy birthday! _

_ Frank: Thanks! _

_ Frank: We need to hang out soon, I've got news _

_ Random Small Creature: Oh? _

_ Frank: I'm not telling you over text, dumbass, we have to meet up before our parents drag us to Thanksgiving again _

_ Random Small Creature: Definitely lol _

_ Random Small Creature: Wanna meet the Tuesday before at the park we used to hang out with? _

_ Frank: Perfect _

"So you're definitely coming with me to Thanksgiving," Frank said once he set his phone down. "I need to introduce you to my cousin Charlotte. She's fantastic, and can help with my whole... coming out thing."

"That's good," Gerard said, and glanced over at the still open conversation. “So is she actually smaller than you or are you just bitter she isn’t?”

“Fuck off. She’s nearly six one, it’s embarrassing.” Frank poked Gerard’s shoulder. “ _ And  _ she wears heels all the time. I don't stand a chance," he whined. 

"You're just tiny," Gerard crooned, taking his hand and pressing it to his mouth.

"Oh shut up. I get all that bullshit from her and her ten foot tall husband." Gerard laughed and Frank held up his middle finger, a smile growing on his face as well. 

Gerard pulled into the parking lot of the suit shop. He tucked his keys into his pocket and pulled his jacket tighter around him before getting out. He opened the door for Frank, taking his hand.

"Maybe you are small," he said, "But you're very cute." Frank sighed, grinning up at his boyfriend.

"Just shut up and kiss me."

####  _ October 31 _

_ It's Frank's birthday today. We were supposed to go to lunch together and his parents invited themselves. I officially met them, and I can now say with authority that they are the worst people I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. Upon hearing I was an artist they kept insisting I get a "real job" like Frank's father or Mikey. I have to say I've never wanted to punch a person more, though I may just have to settle for watching Frank.  _

_ After that they insisted he try and get the waitresses phone number. I have never seen two people with more disregard for the happiness of other people. Especially their only son. Frank was very clearly uncomfortable, and from what I gathered, miserable in his relationships with women. The whole time I just wanted to wrap him in my arms and never let him go. He held my hand almost the entire time, and if I had been human I suspect my hand would still be aching.  _

_ He's asleep right now, I had to practically carry him back from the bar. Since he's now old enough to legally drink he decided to get more drunk than he ever has before, which resulted in him sitting down between Ray and me and promptly falling asleep on Ray's shoulder. _

_ I have to tell him soon. Before things get more serious. He needs to know. For his own safety. Should he decide to leave, I will not stop him, as much as it pains me to do so.  _

_ I hope he stays. I can't go through that again. Who knows when I'll get this chance again. I don't want to go through eternity knowing I had a second chance with him and he left again. I barely survived it the first time, I don't know what I'll do if it happens again.  _

_ But then again, Thomas had a good life without me. It got so much better for him, maybe it would for Frank too. He had a wife, children, a happy life. He didn't live in fear of discovery, and he looked so much more relaxed than he ever did when we were together. It was nice to see that beautiful smile of his, even if it wasn't because of me. _

_ He held outdoor parties often in the evenings, and every so often I would pass by his house, watching in despair as grey hair replaced the black and lines marred his soft features.  _

_ I had never feared aging, I knew I'd have people who would age with me, but I began to fear watching them grow old and eventually die, myself remaining the perfect image of years past.  _

_ I think that's why I need Frank to stay. I have a second chance. I can't fuck it up. _


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn I really said you can have an extra long chapter early huh. This was like four pages longer than usual and I got it done so fast??  
> I hope you enjoy this was a very fun chapter to write, please leave a comment, I'd love to know what you think!!

###  Gerard

#####  1889

Gerard fumbled for the keys to his apartment, his fingers shaking as he jammed the correct one into the lock. He stumbled into the living room, collapsing into the first chair he could find. Rushed footsteps and the echoes of a worried voice pierced through the haze in his mind, soft hands cradling his face bringing his eyes into focus. 

Thomas scanned him with frantic eyes, his fingers brushing over the dried blood caked on the edges of Gerard's lips. 

"Gerard, Angel, what happened to you?" Gerard couldn't tell him. That the rumors about the hotel near the fair were true, just not in the way people thought. He couldn't tell him what had happened. Either Thomas would think he was mad and send him away, or he'd believe him and run. He coughed to bring some feeling back into his throat and let out a dry laugh. 

"I got jumped, they took my hat and jacket. They just roughed me up a little, you don't have to worry, I'm fine." That seemed to do the trick, and Thomas let go of his face, studying him for another minute before pulling him into a hug. Gerard held him close, letting the smell of him and his home flood his senses, and doing his best to ignore the hunger roiling in his stomach and the smell of blood that seemed just strong enough to make everything else diminish. 

“It's been two days,” Thomas practically whispered, his face buried into Gerard’s neck. Gerard took handfuls of his hair as he felt tears begin to seep from those big green eyes. “What did they do to you?”

“I was out for a bit and then I went to find Michael. I had taken him with me to the fair, I needed to make sure he was okay,” Gerard lied, fingers carding through coarse black strands. “Michael nursed me a bit, made sure my wounds were dressed before I went to find you.”

"Wounds?"

"Thomas, I’m fine. It was just a few scratches, they’re almost healed as we speak.”

"Let me see." His voice, which had calmed down momentarily, began to rise in panic. Gerard sighed and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, shifting the fabric around his neck to expose a few shallow cuts. They had been much deeper even a few hours ago, but Thomas didn't need to know that. "God, Gerard, this is horrible." His fingers drifted over the cuts, causing him to hiss as they stung. "I'm sorry. Let me get you some food, you look half starved." He pressed a kiss to Gerard's forehead and made for the kitchen, rummaging around in the cupboards for a moment before sighing. "We don't have much right now, just bread and some jerky."

"It's alright, I'm not hungry." Thomas raised an eyebrow and he sank further into the chair. "I ate with Michael. I just need to sleep. Let's just go to bed, okay?" Thomas nodded, returning to his side and taking careful hold of his waist as he stood. 

"I'll clean you up and we can lay down," he murmured. Thomas half carried Gerard to the bathroom, setting him gently on the floor and grabbing a towel. He wet it before sitting down next to Gerard so they faced each other, placing a gentle hand on his cheek as he dabbed at the dried blood. "Don't ever do that again, do you understand?" His voice cracked, and as he got the last of the blood off he wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck and curled into his lap. "I was so worried. My own mother got suspicious because I couldn't hide it as well as I thought I could. If she found out about us it would be over."

"I know. Believe me, I do," Gerard sighed, "We'll just be more careful from now on."

Gerard hadn't eaten in a week, human food or otherwise. He'd expected to be a lot hungrier by now, but if it meant he didn't have to kill someone he was happy. Thomas was less happy. He kept pushing plates of food in his direction, staring at him until he ate something. Gerard never managed to get more than a few bites down before his stomach started to turn and he had to excuse himself. 

"Gerard." Thomas sat down in front of him, taking his hands. "What's wrong? Why aren't you eating?" 

"I told you," he replied, "I'm not hungry." He wasn't. The man had said he only needed to eat every few weeks, and he had been right. 

"No, it's more than that. Whatever it is you can tell me." Gerard took a shaky breath, pulling his hands out of Thomas's and fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. "Did they do something to you? Did they-" He broke off, leaving the implications of the phrase hanging in the air like a lead balloon.

"No! No. They didn't _touch_ me, if that's what you mean."

"What is it then?" Thomas pressed, "You know I can tell when you're hiding something from me. You're a very bad liar." Gerard hesitated again and Thomas pressed a hand to the other boy's cheek. 

“They turned me," he whispered. He'd been trying to avoid thinking about it, what it could mean, but saying it aloud made it real. He wasn't human anymore. More importantly, _Michael_ wasn't human anymore. 

"What?"

"The hotel by the fair? The rumours? It's true, there were… there were v—” Gerard’s voice broke as he spoke. He had just come back to Thomas, to find his love as caring as ever. He couldn't lose him. He couldn't, but he knew Thomas would leave. He'd be angrier than words could describe. So he hushed his voice as he continued, his tone barely above a whisper. “There were vampires. They attacked Michael and I on our way home. And they… turned us.” He looked up to meet Thomas’s eyes, thick lines of tears running down his cheeks now. “We're not human anymore.”

“Gerard, this isn't funny.” Thomas had leaned away from his touch now, arms crossed and voice shaking as he looked at Gerard with big worried eyes.

“And this isn't a joke. It's the truth, Thomas, I wouldn't lie about this. I didn't want to tell you because I _knew_ you'd react badly, because I _know_ you!” Gerard pulled up his lip to reveal sharpened teeth. Fangs. 

That was all the proof Thomas needed, for he stood up right there, scrambling to grab something from the cabinet. Panic set in Gerard’s eyes as he backed away, slowly heading towards the door. No, no, _no_ , Thomas couldn't be afraid of him, Thomas couldn't hate him. Gerard loved him, only him. When would he ever have this chance again?

Thomas seemed to find what he was looking for, grabbing his father’s hunting rifle he had kept in a case on display in their home. He pointed it straight at Gerard. “Get out. Get _out_ , Gerard. It's bad enough I'm in love with you, bad enough I'm like this at all. But now you're a _monster?_ You are the _definition_ of sin! I'm not keeping you around any longer.” His voice was shaking violently, tears streaming down his face now as well. Gerard shook his head, backing towards the door. 

“Thomas, please—” Gerard wiped tears from his eyes, one arm reaching out towards his lover. “Please, dearest, don't do anything you'll regret…”

“And what makes you think I'll regret this? I'm doing you a favor, you're _cursed_ . I'm already condemned by being with you, I'm not keeping you around when you're this… this _thing!”_ The utter disgust in Thomas’s voice was probably the most painful thing Gerard had ever felt. But wouldn't Gerard do the same thing if Thomas had turned? So he wiped his eyes and took in a deep breath before turning the door handle.

“I-I love you, Thomas,” Gerard practically whispered as he turned the door handle, watching Thomas slowly lower his gun. “I'll always love you. Goodbye.”

Thomas sucked in an anguished breath as he looked down. “Just go. Get out. Please.”

### Present Day

"Please," Frank begged, practically hanging off Gerard's arm as he grinned in his face. "You have to come to Thanksgiving with me. I will literally die of boredom if you don't." He stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, his green eyes glittering. Gerard could never get over how beautiful his face was when he smiled. The bridge of his nose scrunched up and his bottom lip got stuck under his teeth.

"Will they even let me in?" Frank snorted.

"My grandmother never refuses food to anyone, of course you'll be let in. My family's just so boring, they just complain about how 'no one has any morals anymore' and 'we're all going to Hell.'" He let go of Gerard's arm to make air quotes, rolling his eyes as Gerard laughed.

"They sound absolutely delightful," he teased, pressing a soft kiss to his nose. “Of course I’ll come with you. I'll miss you too much while you're gone anyway.”

“That's what sucks about going to school so much closer. Now I _have_ to go. Before I could just say I was busy and it was too far but now it's a requirement.” He paused for a moment to smile. "It'll be better with you, though." 

### Frank

Sun filtered through the blinds of Frank's room, hitting him squarely in the face and stealing away his last precious few minutes of sleep. He sat up and pulled his hair out of his eyes, holding it up with one hand as he grabbed an old shoelace to tie it up with. He should've gotten a haircut weeks ago, but the weather was getting cold now, and he'd rather have hair that's too long than rely on a hat. 

"Mornin' sleeping beauty," Ray said, pulling on a shirt.

"Fuck off, some of us can't have perfect sleep schedules."

Ray laughed and threw a book at Frank. “Well, you're the one up all night having sex or some shit instead of sleeping.”

“ _Dude_!” Frank pulled a pillow over his face before nearly whispering, “We haven't had sex yet, shut up.”

"What do you _do_ then? You're over there almost every night!"

"I don't fucking know, whatever we feel like I guess. Sometimes we watch movies, sometimes he talks about art and I'll talk about books, hell, sometimes we just kiss until we fall asleep. Neither of us wants to go particularly fast right now, and I'm cool with that." Ray nodded, and he took a breath before continuing, "He's gonna help me come out. I want to do it at Thanksgiving."

"Fuck, so soon? That's like later this month,” Ray leaned back with furrowed brows and Frank sank into himself again.

“I mean… yeah, I just—”

“No, you know I support you, that's not what I mean… Your parents just scare me about everything. I'm worried about you, I don't want you getting hurt over it.”

Frank nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I get you. I’ll be careful. Plus, I’ll have Gee with me so I’ll be fine. And Char’s coming this year for the first time in ages ‘cause I mentioned coming so she'll look out for me.”

“As long as you're safe about it.”

“You know I will be,” Frank said before grabbing a shirt off the foot of his bed to throw on. He went to grab his phone and saw he had apparently missed a fuck ton of messages from Charlotte. What the hell was she going on about?

_Random Small Creature: Frank I know you're probably asleep right now but I've got great news, call me as soon as you get these_

_Random Small Creature: wake up asshole_

_Random Small Creature: Frank_

_Random Small Creature: okay I can't wait anymore_

_Random Small Creature: I GOT APPROVED FOR BOTTOM SURGERY_

"Talking to your boyfriend, Iero?" Ray leaned over Frank's shoulder to read his phone.

"No, you asshole it's Charlotte. She just got approved for bottom surgery!" Frank’s smile was huge as he held his phone to his chest. She had been trying to get approved for a year now after she and Trevor had finally saved the money for a consultation and it had finally happened. This was wonderful.

"Oh shit, that's fantastic!" Ray knew Charlotte and definitely loved her, just as everyone who knew her did. And he too had known her struggle with getting her many surgeries approved so this was great news for everyone.

"I've gotta call her." He bounced on the balls of his feet as the tone sounded, almost feeling the ghost of Gerard's hand on his shoulder. Charlotte picked up on the third ring, Frank cutting off her greeting with something similar to a shriek. "I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" A loud knock echoed through the wall, followed by an incoherent groan. "Fuck I gotta be quieter," he chuckled into the phone, "someone next door just yelled at us."

"Oh my god," Charlotte's voice laughed, "Thank you so much! Trev's been crying since we got the email. Birdie and Gus are going insane, they think he's dying or something."

Frank glanced at Ray with a huge smile on his face before continuing. “He’s great,” he chuckled before continuing. “Do you know when the surgery is? Did they give you a date?”

She scoffed slightly. “Not until like… August. But it's fine, ‘cause it's finally happening. We've been waiting so fucking long, I'm so excited.”

“I'm seriously so fucking happy for you, this is amazing.” Frank opened his mouth to say something else before hearing a soft, “Ow, fuck off!” From Charlotte’s end. “What the fuck is going on over there?”

“Birdie hit Trevor in the face with her nose,” she laughed into the phone before pulling it away for a second and saying, “You okay, boo?” to her husband. He murmured that he was fine and she chuckled before turning her attention back to Frank. “Dude! We miss you! I can’t wait to see you again!”

"Two weeks and I get to introduce you to my boyfriend," he said, pulling on his jacket and giving a short wave to Ray as he stepped outside. 

"WHAT?" The question startled Frank so badly he almost dropped his phone, and he actually _did_ trip over a lip on the sidewalk. Incoherent noises filtered through the speaker, until Charlotte picked up the phone again. "FRANK WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, THIS IS FANTASTIC!"

"I honestly thought I did, but I guess not," he laughed, and across the line Charlotte snorted.

"So tell me about him, what's he like?"

"His name's Gerard, and I'm pretty sure he's literally an angel. He's the nicest person I've ever met, and is like, actually interested in what I have to say, and just-" Gerard's face flashed behind his eyes and he let out a happy sigh, and Charlotte squealed into the phone, followed by a shout from Trevor in the background to "shut _up_ , I just got the dogs quiet!" Frank chuckled as he approached his job, leaning against the wall beside the door before going in. "It doesn't hurt that he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Listen, I've got to work, but I'll send you some pictures I got of him a few weeks ago. I can't wait for you guys to meet, he's fantastic."

"I'm looking forward to it, talk to you later?"

"Definitely. I'll send those pictures in a sec. Love you." 

Frank's shift ended and he pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling his hair out of its bun and tucking the shoelace in his pocket. He hadn't seen Gerard much this week, both of them too busy to hang out during the day. Frank's professors decided to swamp him with homework, so most of the time they were together he was immersed in whatever reading he had to do he usually fell asleep with it. He pulled up Gerard's contact and called the number, making his way to the café to meet his caffeine quota. 

"Frankie, hey, what's up?" Frank sighed softly at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. God, it felt so nice just to hear that right now, he was stressed.

"I just got out of work, are you busy?"

"I'm taking a break from working on that commission, so no. Why?" Frank shrugged, before remembering Gerard couldn't see him. 

"The weather's pretty nice out and I was thinking we could go to the park and hang out for a bit," he offered, "soak up some sun before it's gone for the winter. We can cuddle and get some fresh air."

"I'd love to, but I don't do well in the sun. I burn really easily." Something about Gerard’s voice had an edge to it and Frank cocked his head at the sound.

"Oh come on Gee, it's not even hot out! What are you, some kind of vampire?" Gerard hesitated for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was tense. 

"Why don't you just come over, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

### Gerard, 1889

It had been a week since Thomas kicked him out. Gerard was staying with Michael, sitting in a chair and staring at a wall, at the photographs they had gotten taken a few years ago, Gerard and Thomas and Mikey. Gerard could still feel the ghosts of Thomas's fingers pressed to the small of his back, on his face, in his hair. It felt as though a piece of him was missing, like a black hole had opened in his chest and was sucking everything in. 

He missed Thomas. God, he missed him. He missed the glow of his eyes in the candlelight as he read, the way their fingers would brush in public when both were too scared to do more. He missed the soft kisses in the middle of the night, the hours spent in silent company where neither needed to say a word. 

"Gee?" Michael placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of his thoughts. "It's been weeks, you have to get out of the house and we both need to eat. The sun goes down in half an hour. I'm taking you with me." Gerard didn't say a word, but his stomach twisted violently at the prospect of eating. He shook his head slightly, letting the tears that had been hovering in the corners of his eyes finally spill out. "I'm taking you with me, Gerard. The only choice is whether or not you're dressed." Michael took hold of his arm and pulled him to his feet. "I've still got some of your old clothes. Come on. We're going out."

Gerard hated how hungry he was, how _magnetic_ each person they passed seemed to be, how he could smell the places they had been like a bloodhound. He followed Michael through the streets of Chicago, not really knowing where they were going. He had to leave this city, get away from the memories of _him_. 

"Michael," he rasped, his first words in weeks. His brother stopped in his tracks, worry flashing over his features. "I love him. Why did he- Michael why did he-" His voice broke and his knees buckled, falling into Michael as he reached for him. "He was always scared, so scared, but he _loved me_. Why would he-"

"You have to stop dwelling on him," Michael soothed, placing a thin hand on Gerard's head. "It's going to tear you apart, and I know you need time, but you have to move on."

“How do you kill a vampire?” Gerard’s voice was ever so quiet and Michael’s eyes widened in worry.

“W-why?”

Gerard’s voice cracked as he continued. “I don't want to be alive without him.”

“No, no, Gee, I know it hurts, but… but we’re going to be alive for a long time. You'll learn to be happy, and if you want, you'll find someone who will love you without fear."

### Frank

Frank's hand had barely touched the door to Gerard's apartment before it was thrown open by Gerard himself. He looked close to tears as he pulled Frank inside, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy and holding him to his chest for a minute. 

"Fuck, what's wrong? Whatever you have to say couldn't possibly be that bad." 

"Just give me a minute, okay?" Gerard's voice was soft and full of pain, his fingers brushing through Frank's hair. "I don't know how this will end, so I just need this for a moment." Frank's stomach turned, but he nodded and let himself melt into Gerard's arms. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist, then stretched to kiss him. 

"It'll be okay. Whatever it is, it'll be okay." He smiled and pulled away, taking his hand. "Just tell me."

"Before I do, you should probably sit down, and I want you to know that on my life, I would _never_ do anything to hurt you." Frank sat down on the couch, his stomach twisting even more violently than before. 

"Now you're scaring me. Just tell me." Gerard took a shaky breath, reaching for Frank's hands then apparently thinking better of it and wrapping his arms around himself. 

"I- I'm not human. I haven't been for... about a hundred fifty years now. You said I was a vampire. You were right."

"You're joking."

"I assure you I'm not." He motioned to the hallway behind him. "Those pictures? They're real. Each of them authentic and not some stupid art project." He got up and stood in front of them, Frank following slowly. He pointed to a few of them, his hand shaking. "This one was taken in 1887. And this one in 1904. All of the Polaroids are from the 60s, when Mikey met Pete." He stared at them for a moment, an odd expression on his face, before turning back to Frank, who had backed into the wall.

There were three options here. Gerard was either joking, delusional, or telling the truth. Frank didn't know which one he hoped it was. Gerard watched him carefully, so much pain and fear in his eyes, so nervous to reach out. He couldn't possibly be joking. No one was that good of an actor. Which left two possibilities. 

"Of course," Gerard murmured after Frank didn't respond for a second, "pictures can be doctored. Here." He pulled Frank into the light and pulled up one side of his upper lip, exposing a set of razor-sharp fangs that slid down to cover two other teeth. He was telling the truth. 

"Holy shit-" Frank didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to feel. On one hand, Gerard had promised he would never hurt him. But on the other hand, he hadn't said anything about anyone else. An entirely separate matter was the fact that vampires even existed in the first place. But that was a problem for another time. "Have you… have you ever killed anyone?"

"No. Every few months one of us raids a blood bank and we grab a couple bags. Before they existed, or if we can't get to them, we only drink a small amount from each person, never enough to cause lasting damage." That was good. No one had died for him. For them.

"You said 'we.' Are Pete and Mikey…" Gerard nodded, and all Frank could do was nod back. He wasn't scared, oddly enough. Gerard wouldn't hurt him. This was all just… weird. "Okay."

"Okay? You're not scared of me, or- or going to turn us in?"

"You said you wouldn't hurt me, and that you haven't killed anyone. I trust you," he said simply. Something in Gerard's shoulders, something Frank hadn't even known was tensed, relaxed, and he leaned back against the wall with a short laugh. His eyes glittered with tears threatening to spill, and he pushed himself off the wall and ran his hands down his face. What if it was all an act, though? What if he was a completely different person than the one Frank was falling for? Frank was absolutely falling for him, he helped him discover who he was, but what if it was a lie?

"You- you have no idea how much that means to me, holy fuck. You have to have questions. Let's go to the kitchen. I'll get you something to drink, you can ask me anything you want to know, and I'll answer as best I can." He held out a hand, tentative and still shaking, as though Frank's touch could burn him. "You're absolutely free to leave at any time, you know. I'm not keeping you here. And I understand if- if your feelings have changed and you don't want to... keep seeing me anymore." He stared at Frank with the most melancholy form of hope he had ever seen, still on the verge of crying. 

"You're still you?" He asked, his voice shaking a lot more than he hoped it would. "You meant everything you said to me? A- about how you feel, and... and what I am to you?"

"I have hidden things," he conceded, "most of which you now know, but I have _never_ lied to you, Frank. I meant every word." He stepped closer, his hand steadier now, and Frank accepted it, smiling as the familiar rush spread through his body when their skin touched. 

"So how old are you, exactly?" He asked, swinging their arms. Gerard grinned, almost all of the anxiety seemingly melted away. 

"I think somewhere around 150, 160? I'd need to do the math out but around that area." He bumped their shoulders together, smiling the same smile as when they met, the smile that melted Frank's knees and put butterflies in his stomach. "Thank you for staying."

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried, babe," he teased, "What's it like? Like do you have abilities other than being immortal, 'cause I know lore gets really convoluted." Gerard laughed, pressing a kiss to Frank's cheek as the shorter boy slid onto a barstool.

"Tell me about it. I can't tell you how many movies have fucked it up." He grabbed a couple glasses from a cabinet and poured out some water, handing one to Frank. "It's mostly the generic things, I'm faster, stronger, can't be in direct sunlight for more than about five minutes without turning into a pile of vampire ashes. I can… smell things better, and then there's something that... draws people to me, if that makes sense, it's harder for them to get away if I was to… hunt them."

"You can… hypnotize people into being attracted to you?" Gerard nodded, falling oddly quiet. "Can you control it? Like, turn it on and off?" He nodded again. "Did you… did you do that with me?" What if his emotions weren't his own? No, Gerard wouldn't do that. 

"Never. That wouldn't have been fair to you, and it would have never felt right to me. Everything you have done has been because _you_ wanted to. If I had influenced you, you would have known it." He took Frank's hands, who stared at their fingers, the perfect way they fit together. "Hey," Gerard pulled one hand away to catch Frank's chin and made their eyes meet. His gaze was soft, inviting, and completely open. "I would _never_ do anything without your permission or that would violate your free will. This relationship goes two ways. I trust that you won't expose us to the world, and you trust I would never do something like that. I could turn it on, just for a moment, so you know I haven't before, and you know what it's like for the future, in case someone else tries it."

"Okay," he muttered. What a weird fucking day this was turning out to be. A thousand thoughts and emotions mixed in his head, but he put on a nervous smile. "Just don't make me do anything stupid." Gerard chuckled, then closed his eyes. 

"I won't, don't worry." 

He opened his eyes.

Every muscle in Frank's body was being pulled toward him. His irises seemed to move, tones of gold and green swirling together, urging Frank to come closer. "Don't worry," they whispered, "you can trust me." His features, each beautiful before, seemed to come into sharper focus, highlighting the aspects Frank liked the most and smoothing over any blemishes in his skin. He seemed to almost glow, the edges between him and the rest of the world blurring. His gentle touch was electric, every inch of him craving more, more, _more._ Frank would do anything to feel his hands on him, to feel Gerard's fingers trail across his skin. He was one of his paintings come to life, radiant and flawless. He smiled, and suddenly the rest of the world didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was Gerard, and Frank would do anything he asked.

And like a snap of his fingers, it was gone. Gerard was just Gerard again, just a person leaning on the counter across from Frank, staring at him with doe eyes and a soft smile. Beautiful, yes, but not so completely intoxicating as before.

At some point Gerard had removed his fingers from his chin, and Frank realized his jaw had gone slack, a soft "oh…" escaping from his lips. Frank had gotten closer, he was leaning across the counter, their faces inches apart. 

Gerard watched with a bemused smile as Frank sat down again, still in awe of the person in front of him.

"Well now you've had a taste of vampire magic," Gerard said after a moment, connecting their hands once again and pulling Frank out of his reverie. "I'll get you some more water. I didn't realize it would have that much of an effect on you. It's a powerful thing with perfect strangers, but with you… I'll just get you that water."

"Can I touch your fangs?" They were sitting on opposite ends of Gerard's bed, their feet tangled together. 

"You- sure. Here, just, be careful." Gerard shifted so they were closer together, opening his mouth as the fangs slid out again. They were a lot longer than Frank thought they would be, at least an inch long and coming to a deadly sharp point. They felt just like regular teeth, though Frank supposed they'd have to be tougher to avoid breaking. 

"What happens if they break?" Gerard didn't say anything for a second, then Frank remembered he still had his fingers in his mouth. "Fuck, sorry." He wiped his fingers on his pants and stared in wonder as the fangs slid back up into his gums. 

"I'm honestly not sure, but I'd imagine for someone who actually feeds on people it'd be the end of that for them. For us, it'd probably just be painful." Frank nodded and moved so he could lean into Gerard's side. "Frank, I- Having to hide things from you was awful, and I want to be completely honest with you from now on. That's all you've ever been with me, and you deserve that. And to do that I need to tell you about Thomas." Gerard stood up and went over to his bookshelves, pulling out a box and a notebook from one of the shelves. "We were together, back when I was human, in the 1880s. I've had partners since him of course, but other than you no one has ever felt _right_." He turned back to Frank, adoration coupled by grief written on his face. "This is probably hard to listen to, but I need you to know. If you want me to stop just tell me." He grabbed a notebook from his bedside table and sat down on the bed again.

"It's okay," Frank assured him, taking his hand.

"I don't know if it is though. I don't know how well this will go, and if it doesn't go well I want you to read this." He handed Frank the notebook from his bedside table, labelled the October of the current year. "I started this journal the day I met you, and I want you to read it. Not now, but at some point." Frank nodded, taking the journal and turning it reverently in his hands. "I don't really know how best to tell you this, so I think it's better if I just show you." He pulled the box closer and set it in front of Frank, motioning for him to open it.

The box was covered in dust, and inside were half a dozen flat packages, wrapped in bubble wrap and packing paper. Frank lifted one of the packages and slowly unwrapped it, revealing an old tintype photograph with three people. Gerard was in the middle, and Mikey was on his left. On Gerard's right was… 

"Gerard?" Frank's voice was shaking, and he nearly dropped the picture. He caught it at the last second and set it down gently on the sheets, unable to tear his eyes away. "Gerard who's in this picture?" He picked it back up again and studied it. That was _him_ . But it was impossible. He wasn't alive, he didn't _exist_. How could he be in this picture?

"There's Mikey," Gerard whispered, pointing to each person in turn, "And me, and… Thomas."

"You- Is this why- Am I just- Gerard?" Did Gerard just like him because he looked like his ex? He said he meant everything he said, but what if he didn't? "Gerard do you only like me because I look like him?" He could feel tears gathering in his eyes, and he finally looked up at Gerard, who was reaching for him with trembling fingers.

"Frankie…" His stomach twisted violently, and he suddenly remembered he hadn't eaten since that morning.

"Answer the question."

"Of course not. I like _you_ . But you have to understand, you walked into me and you were literally a ghost of my past. When I first asked you to coffee it was just out of curiosity, just to see how similar you were, but then I just wanted to see _you_ , Frank. You're so sweet and fun and passionate and just being around you makes me _happy_ . Thomas was a dick, and being with you has helped me see that." He reached up and brushed away a tear that had fallen, letting his hand linger on Frank's cheek. "When I said I could see myself falling for you I meant _you_. Not an asshole who looks like you from a hundred fifty years ago. You. You and your old t-shirts and your lip ring and your long explanations of one tiny element of a story that only someone like you would even bother to think about."

"It was an anaphora, Gee, you literally _just_ used it," Frank laughed, the knots in his stomach beginning to unravel. "I told you this last week, I'm not explaining it again." Gerard smiled, taking Frank's hand again and squeezing it gently. 

"See? That was all you, _mon chéri_." He paused, letting his words sink in before running his free hand through his hair. "Shit, I feel so bad, I've dumped so much on you today. I can take you home, if you want."

"No, I- I want to stay. You can read your journal to me, if you still want me to know what's in it. First though, I need to eat something." Gerard nodded and began wrapping up the photograph once again, carefully avoiding looking at both it and him for too long. "Gee. I understand." He moved so they were next to each other and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist, his thumb rubbing small circles in his side. 

"Thank you."

Gerard could not cook. He stared at the fridge, watched closely by Frank, who was sitting at the counter again. 

"So you can actually eat food?" He asked, twirling the ends of his hair. "It doesn't make you sick or anything?"

"It did for a while, but after about ten years I could eat it again. It doesn't really do anything but taste good."

"But you can't cook." Gerard turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Pete's tried to teach me, trust me. It usually ends with me almost burning down the building or him getting annoyed and taking over." 

"You're damn right it does," Pete called, coming out of his room with Mikey on his heels. "You can't cook for shit. I'm not having you fuck up my kitchen again." He turned and gave Mikey a quick kiss, then grabbed Gerard and shoved him into the seat next to Frank. "Don't touch _anything_." He rummaged through the cabinets for a moment, pulling out a box of spaghetti. "Okay, we seriously need to go to the store, so you guys are getting pasta."

"Pasta's great," Gerard said, and paused for a second before saying, "I told him." Pete froze and stared at Frank, studying him for a moment before Mikey touched his elbow and nodded.

"It's okay," he murmured, so quietly that Frank barely heard it. Pete eyed him for another second before relaxing and leaning into his boyfriend. "We can go to the store tonight, I'm sure whatever you end up making will be great."

"Thanks Prettyboy, I'm glad _someone_ has faith in my skills," Pete teased, shooting a glance at Gerard. 

"Listen, you fucked up our ketchup and we had to deal with it for _three months_ before you decided we could get rid of it," Gerard said, holding his hands up with a smile. He glanced over at Frank and winked, his smile growing ever so slightly. "Trust me, Frankie, it was horrible. He poured about every spice we owned into it, even the ones for curry, and it was disgusting."

"Oh fuck off, Mikey loves my experiments." Pete leaned further into his boyfriend’s chest and Mikey chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"Normally, yes, but this was horrible." Pete opened his mouth in a mock gasp, pushing Mikey off of him and crossing his arms. Gerard groaned and covered his eyes.

"Oh screw you."

"Hmm, maybe later," Mikey crooned, "but right now you need to make that pasta."

"Guys, we're still here," Gerard reminded them, finally looking up at his brother.

"I know, that's why I told him to start cooking." He draped his arms over Gerard's shoulders and rested his chin on his head. "I _do_ have standards, brother mine."

"Whatever you say."

Pete's pasta was incredible, and Frank was pretty sure he set some kind of record with how fast he finished his plate.

"Dude, you have to let me take some of this home," he said, "That was literally the best pasta I've ever had."

"Ooh, might want to keep an eye on this one, Gerard, I think I've won him over," Pete teased, sticking his tongue out as Gerard flipped him off before turning back to Frank. "Seriously though, I'm glad you liked it, I've been perfecting it for years." 

"And it gets better every time, my love." Mikey pressed a kiss to his shoulder, then whispered something Frank couldn't catch. 

"Frank we should probably… go," Gerard mumbled, "I'll get your plate, you go back to my room." Frank nodded and squeezed his shoulder, then turned to thank Pete again and decided it was best to just keep going. 

Frank hadn't been alone in Gerard's room before, so he studied the bookshelves, running his fingers along the spines. A lot of them he knew, some he didn't. The shelf Gerard pulled his notebook from was full, identical journals labelled with the month and year they started and ended. A few of them, from the 40s, lasted much longer than the others, as if Gerard hadn't written in them. During the 60s the journals barely lasted more than a month, probably filled to the very edge of the page.

Gerard came in a few minutes later and tossed himself onto his bed. He grabbed the journal he was working on and flipped through it. Frank sat down next to him, peering over the top of the book.

"Do you still want me to read that?" He said quietly, not wanting to ruin the peace of the moment.

"If you want." Gerard closed the journal and pushed it toward him, bringing his other hand up to brush through strands of Frank's hair. Frank nodded and shifted so his head was on Gerard's stomach. 

The first page was dated the day they met, chronicled in Gerard's elegant handwriting. As he read Gerard continued to brush his fingers through his hair, occasionally pausing to stroke his cheek. 

Gerard documented everything, from the moment they met, to their first kiss, to the day before, when he'd wanted to visit but couldn't. When Frank got to that first Friday he grabbed Gerard's other hand and held it to his mouth, kissing each of his knuckles slowly.

After a while Gerard started to hum, soft and sweet as Frank finished reading. There were no words, but it sounded like a love song. His fingers never stopped, making gentle soothing motions on Frank's head, a soft smile on his face as he watched.

"So it really was a miracle we found each other," Frank said once he finished. Gerard smiled and helped him sit up, keeping a hand pressed to his cheek.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Gerard replied. Frank leaned in and captured Gerard's lips in a kiss, sighing happily as he pulled them closer together. They stayed like that for a long moment, just enjoying each other, only separating to breathe, and just for an instant. Frank loved this, loved kissing him, loved feeling Gerard's hands on his face and hips and neck, loved how completely happy Gerard made him feel. Being with him was like the final piece of the puzzle snapped into place. Like there had always been something missing, some tiny piece of himself he could never figure out, but here it was, and he was wonderful.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this is a long chapter, I'm not sure honestly but things are about to get spicy!  
> We hope you enjoy the chapter and please leave a comment :)  
> ~Raven

###  Frank

"So are you coming to Thanksgiving?" Frank's father had called him again, so now he was sitting in Gerard's lap, his free hand twisting the hair at the hair on the back of his head. 

"Yeah, I'll be there. Can I bring Gerard? He's driving me up there and I'd feel bad just leaving him in a hotel all night." Gerard smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Whatever you want, Frank. Did you hear that Ryan's coming this year?" Frank's shoulders tensed, and Gerard kissed him again, drawing circles on his thigh with his fingers. He relaxed a little and sighed before answering.

"Yeah, I told  _ Charlotte _ and Trevor I'd be going and she said they'd try and make it." His father huffed on the other line and Frank resisted the urge to scream. "Look, Dad you can't keep calling her Ryan. Her name is Charlotte. She's been married to Trevor for two years. She is a transgender woman, and refusing to call her by her name is probably the single most disrespectful thing you could ever do, and it needs to stop."

"Trevor's coming? That's good, I like him." Frank let out a laugh. Charlotte would love that. "Such a shame he was brainwashed by those liberals. He was such a good kid." Aaaand there it was.

"He wasn't brainwashed by anyone. He's just a decent person." He resisted the urge to say more, shifting his attention back to Gerard's fingers moving in slow circles to keep himself from saying something he'd regret. "Look, I gotta go, but I'll see you guys at Thanksgiving. Bye." He hung up and relaxed into Gerard's touch, resting his head on top of his. "I swear to God if he calls me one more time I'm going to toss my phone off a fucking bridge."

"You don't have to pick up," Gerard suggested, kissing his cheek. "We could just run away together where they can't bother you."

"We should. I wouldn't have to go to class and could just spend all my time with you," he sighed. "I'd miss Ray though, and Charlotte and Trevor." Frank stood up, stretching and offering a hand to Gerard. "It's getting dark, wanna go for a walk?"

"I could use some fresh air, but  _ only _ if you actually wear enough clothes for the weather. Just because the cold can't hurt me doesn't mean you get to go outside without a proper jacket." He started sorting through a closet and pulled out a wool trench coat, holding it up next to Frank to compare sizes. "That should do. It's a bit small on me so it might fit you." Frank sighed as he grabbed a scarf and took his hands.

"Gee, I'll be fine. It's not even that cold out, see?" He rushed to the door and opened it to see snow lightly dusting the ground like powdered sugar. "Goddammit." Gerard smirked and handed him the coat.

"Tough luck, _ mon chéri _ ," he laughed, "But excellent timing. I love walking in the snow." Frank flipped him off as he put on the coat, realizing with a shock that it did indeed fit perfectly. "Oh hush, it's romantic." He draped the scarf around Frank's neck and pulled him into a kiss.

"You have to stop doing that in the middle of conversations," Frank murmured when they parted, "I lose my train of thought so easily when I'm with you… On second thought, you should absolutely keep doing that." Gerard laughed and pulled him back in, humming happily as Frank pushed his hands into Gerard's hair. 

Gerard guided them to the door, keeping one hand pressed firmly against Frank's back. His touch felt so amazing, almost euphoric. Like Gerard was the piece of him that had been missing his whole life. And maybe he was. That's what he wanted to believe at least. The two held hands as they walked down the sidewalk, snow seeping into Frank’s ratty, old converse as he looked at Gerard with a smile on his face. The way snowflakes caught in his eyelashes as they walked, his long hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. He was so put together and Frank couldn't see himself living without this boy any longer.

“Tell me more about your life,” Frank said as they walked. “You know, your life, Thomas, Mikey, Pete. I wanna know about you now that there's this whole other part of you I was clueless about.”

Gerard hummed thoughtfully before starting. “Well, considering I’m eternally 25, I was born in 1864. Mikey in 1867. We had the shitty childhood you'd expect. When I was 12 we posed for a picture with my dead grandmother. It's just as unpleasant as it sounds.”

“Damn, they actually did that?” Frank squeezed Gerard’s hand as he spoke.

“Well, pictures were expensive, they were scheduled and she died so we took it anyway,” he said with a shrug. “Mikey and I were always close. He was Michael at the time, he didn't become ‘Mikey’ until we met Pete and the boy was infatuated. Pete decided Michael was too old, apparently it was his grandfather’s name. So then he became Mikey. But yes, we were very close, we were together a lot. And then of course there was Thomas. It started as a purely physical thing, we were the only homosexuals who knew about each other. Then it turned into love. On my side at least.”

Frank didn't know how long he listened to Gerard for but he never wanted it to end. He heard Gerard go into detail about Thomas’s family, how he'd watch him from afar and just admire him. How they found Pete getting his ass kicked at a protest and Mikey wanted to save him. The two seemed to fall in love that day. It made Frank hope that maybe that's what he and Gerard would be. Maybe, if Frank decided he wanted to, he could be Gerard's ‘mate’ as he had called it. 

Before long they had circled back to Gerard’s apartment. “I should take you home,” he said, pressing a kiss to Frank's mouth.

“Do I have to?”

“You have class tomorrow, dearest,” Gerard chided. “What kind of boyfriend would I be to let you skip school for me?”

“The best boyfriend ever?” Frank tightened his grip on Gerard’s hand. He didn't want to go back, he wanted to hold his boyfriend and sleep with him another night. But Gerard held his ground, managing to herd Frank into his car before driving him back to the dorm Ray and him shared, despite his protests.

“You're an asshole!” Frank shouted, flipping Gerard off as he opened the car door.

Gerard chuckled and Frank stuck his tongue out as he said, “Goodnight,  _ mon chéri. _ Get some sleep for me, will you?”

“We’ll see about that, babe.” Frank gave him a half-smile as he walked back into his dorm, hugging the trench coat around him. He had forgotten he was wearing it by the time he entered his room until he was greeted by Ray’s exclaiming.

“That’s not yours, is it? You don't own any jackets,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “‘Cause you've got some sorta deathwish. That's your boyfriend’s, isn't it?”

Frank nodded, his cheeks going a light pink. “Yes it is. We went on a walk and he didn't want me to freeze. Said the snow made it romantic.”

“You got an old fashioned one, don't you? Romantic walks in the snow?”

“Oh, you don't even  _ know!” _ laughed Frank as he tossed the coat on his bed and kicked off his jeans. “He's a sweetheart though. I'm lucky to have him.”

Ray smiled to himself. “I'm glad you do. You deserve a little happiness after all the misery you've been through the past few years.”

“I do, don't I?” Frank said through a grin. “You know, this year is really starting to look up. I'm actually kinda glad my parents forced me here now, Gee and I would never have bumped into each other otherwise.”

“Look at you, looking on the brightside,” teased Ray. “I'm proud of you, man, you deserve it. I was just telling Christa about you and Gerard, she's happy for you guys too.”

“Ah, tell Christa I love her,” said Frank through a loud, drawn out yawn. “Fuck, it's been a long couple days. He insisted on taking me home for school tomorrow. I should sleep, shouldn't I?”

“If you don't, I'll tell on you to your boyfriend.”

“Fuck you.”

Ray laughed. “Then go to sleep, idiot.”

Frank threw a book at Ray before managing to drift off to sleep, clutching Gerard’s coat close to his chest. It had been a good day. Hopefully his parents wouldn't swoop in to ruin that.

####  _ November 12 _

_ Things are going well. Things are going so unbelievably well that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Frank knows everything, and yet we're closer than ever. I've told other people before, but that always ends with them trying to take advantage of me and what I can do, with them begging for immortality despite what I could describe of it. Eternity is lonely. Even with people like you, its lonely. You become afraid of attachment because you know everyone not like you will die. They'll wither away to dust while you watch helplessly.  _

_ I don't want that for Frank. I don't want to put him through that, but at the same time, I couldn't stand to watch that happen to him. I can't do that again. I'm so lucky to have met him, first in general, but second when he's at an age when he can actually be with me. I'm so lucky to have him.  _

_ I'll just have to make the most of our time together. It could be short, or he could choose to join me, but either way I just want him to be happy. _

###  Frank

Frank was really beginning to hate his alarm. He couldn't even remember what he was dreaming about, but he didn't want to leave. His bed was warm, and even with Gerard's coat it was ridiculously cold out. 

He sorted through his drawers, pulling out his one pair of lined jeans and tugging them on. 

Gerard's scarf still smelled like him, so despite hating the feeling of something on his neck he put it on, situating it so he could bury his face in it if he wanted. 

"Dude Gerard has you so fucking whipped," Ray laughed as he pressed his face in the wool.

“Shut the fuck up,” Frank murmured, enjoying the comfort of his scent. “He's so wonderful.”

“Oh, get out of here, I'm not listening to this right now,” teased Ray. “Haven't you got class?”

“I don't wanna,” Frank said with a yawn. “I just wanna go cuddle.” He pulled on the coat, turning up the collar to fit around the scarf. "I've got to go though. I'll see you later?"

"I think you'll be with your boyfriend,” Ray teased. “You have been the past few weeks.”

Frank chuckled, running fingers through his hair. “You're right, you're right. He's cute though, so it's fine.”

“Whatever you say, man. Call me after your shift, let me know if you're coming back or going over Gerard's. Okay?” 

"You got it." He gave a half wave and stepped out into the cold, instantly hating his parents for dragging him back here. He had been perfectly fine in California, but  _ noooOOOooo,  _ they had to exercise the most control over him they could at all times. So here he was, back on the East coast. Although, he had met Gerard, so it wasn't _ that _ bad.

He made it to the hall where his class was and sighed in relief as the heat washed over him. 

_ Frankie: Okay I changed my mind let's run away to somewhere warm _

_ Gee: Oh? _

_ Frankie: It's too cold here let's leave _

_ Gee: Did you have to walk through the snow again? _

_ Frankie: Yes. I hate it.  _

_ Gee: I can pick you up after your class if you don't want to walk _

_ Frankie: You don't have to _

_ Gee: You sure? _

_ Frankie: No _

_ Gee: Alright I'll see you after class then _

_ Frankie: Thanks _

Gerard's car was parked outside the building, with Gerard himself leaning against the side of the car, sketching. Frank immediately moved forward quickly, wrapping arms around Gerard's middle and pressing his face into his neck. 

“You're so warm,” he murmured, feeling Gerard's arms wrap around him.

"Frankie it hasn't even been a day!"

"I don't care, you're warm and it's cold out." He pulled away and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Gerard's mouth with a smile. 

"Get in the car then, lunch is on me."

"So what were you drawing?" Frank asked over his coffee, grinning at the blush that formed on Gerard's cheeks. "Can I see?" Gerard turned his sketchbook around, the pages filled with sketches of Frank. Sketches of his hands, the tattoos on his back, the scorpion on his neck, his eyes. "Gerard… these are incredible…" He ran his fingers over the drawings, soft strokes of pencil rubbing onto the tips of his fingers.

“I've always loved your tattoos,” Gerard mused. “From the moment I saw you. You're unique, you're bold… you've become living art. And I really admire that, dear. Maybe I make art, but  _ mon chèrie _ , you have become art.”

Frank leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, taking a moment to think. “You know… I really like the sound of that. You make everything sound like poetry, don't you, babe?”

“Well, it makes you smile so I guess it's worth it.”

The pair ordered food and just talked for a bit. Laughed, spoke, just about anything and everything. But before long Geratd quieted his voice ever-so-slightly, to make the conversation just a bit more personal.

“So now you know… you know what I am,” he practically whispered, his eyes shooting down to his meal immediately. “Why is it you haven't asked to be turned yet?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I just expected it, I guess,” Gerard said, starting to fiddle with his fingers. “Every other l- lover I've taken has practically begged me for immortality. I've never been with someone who didn't continue to use me for my… my curse. But I wouldn't wish the transition on anyone, it's painful beyond belief. I guess it just baffles me. You're so unlike anyone I've ever met before.”

Frank just shrugged in response. “I guess there's just too many people I'd miss. I mean I've got Ray and Charlotte and Trevor and all their dogs. Trevor’s family’s pretty cool. It seems like it'd get lonely.” He was quiet for a minute before his eyes widened and he held out his hands. “Oh, I'm not implying you don't have people you miss if that's how I came off, I don't mean that at all, I just wouldn't wanna like disappear on them on my own will someday I guess. I’m sorry, goddamn, I just—”

“Don't worry, I understand,” Gerard said with a chuckle. “I wasn't turned on my own free will. Neither was Mikey. I completely see why you wouldn't willingly choose it.” He took Frank's hands, brushing his thumbs over his knuckles. "It is lonely, and you have no idea how wonderful the last month has been, being with you.” Frank couldn’t figure out what to say, he opened his mouth and nothing came out, so he just nodded. “You’re very quickly becoming my favorite person, Frankie, and I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

"We both know you'd never leave your studio, be some kind of hermit," Frank teased, squeezing Gerard's hands as the other boy's mouth twitched into a smile. "I'll stay with you for as long as I can."

####  _ November 13 _

_ Frank is simply unlike anyone I have ever met. I don't know how exactly to describe it, but I think I'm falling in love with him. _

###  Frank

Frank woke to soft kisses pressed to his forehead and Gerard's thumbs brushing on his cheeks. He opened his eyes to offer Gerard a small smile. “Hi,” he murmured, as he felt Gerard push the messy brown-black streaks out of his eyes. 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” he whispered in response, pressing a kiss to Frank’s forehead. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Ugh, don't remind me,” Frank said, immediately turning his face into his pillow. “My family fucking sucks, I don't wanna go.”

“You already said you would,” Gerard pushed, something about his tone of voice calming him down. “And you'll get to see Charlotte before. That's nice, isn't it?”

“I guess,” Frank sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I'd just much rather go to Boston and play with their dogs than go to Jersey and be shouted at by my mom.”

“Well, the sooner we leave the sooner we can go home.”

“That's not true.”

“Just get up, okay?” Frank stuck his tongue out at Gerard before standing up and grabbing the shirt closest to him. It didn't look like his, it looked big on him, a gray dress shirt. Probably Gerard’s, he assumed, still throwing it on and starting to button it. "You realize that's my shirt, right?"

“Not anymore," he teased, sticking his tongue out as Gerard rolled his eyes. "You knew this was coming when you asked me out. You can have it back when it stops smelling like you."

"Fair enough," he said, "Just make sure you don't wear that with your parents around. I don't want to give them another reason to hurt you." He wound an arm around Frank's waist, tucking his other hand under his chin. 

"You're so perfect," Frank murmured, "I'm so lucky I met you." 

"As am I, but we have to go." They kissed for a moment, then Gerard pulled away, his eyes sparkling. "I'll let you pick the music, come on."

Between the two of them they only had three bags, and they piled their jackets in the backseat. Frank's hometown was only half an hour away, but each second seemed to be longer than the last, and he couldn't stop drumming his fingers on his legs, the dashboard, the window. He started tapping his fingers on the center console and Gerard grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently. 

"It'll be okay,  _ mon chéri _ . If you ever feel like you have to leave, let me know, okay?" He glanced at Frank for a second, affectionate concern written across his face. Frank watched him for a moment when he looked back at the road, the soft curves of his features, the way their hands fit perfectly together, the comfort brought by even just that small amount of contact. He was about to go home, about to see people who made him feel insignificant and wrong. But yet, somehow, he didn't feel as horrible as he thought he would. Gerard's thumb was rubbing gentle circles in the back of his hand, and each arc pushed waves of calm over him.

They pulled off the highway, the buildings starting to get more familiar. Frank stared out the window, his grip tightening on Gerard's hand.

"Are you okay?" Frank tore his eyes away from a corner store he used to visit and just stared at Gerard for a second.

"I love you."

Frank didn't know why he said it. His mouth just did, but as soon as he finished he realized it was true. He was in love with Gerard. He loved his laugh and his smile, the way his face scrunched up when he was drawing, the way he said his name, how he looked at Frank like he was the only other person in the room. He loved how he always made sure Frank was comfortable, how he went out of his way to be kind to people he didn't even know. Frank loved him.

Gerard hit the brakes, bringing the car to an abrupt halt, before turning to face Frank.

"What?" His voice was soft, and Frank took his other hand. He studied Frank's face, his golden eyes welling with tears. 

"I love you, Gerard." Gerard pulled his hands out of Frank's and cradled his face, stroking his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. It was gentle, yet desperate, Gerard's fingers curling into Frank's hair and pulling him closer across the center console. Frank sighed into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck. They parted to breathe, holding each other as close as possible as Gerard whispered;

"I love you too."

"Frank! How  _ are you _ ?" Charlotte tackled her little cousin in a hug, then held him at arm's length to examine him. "You look good, a bit tired, but good."

"I'm just not looking forward to Thursday," he said, "But yeah, I'm doing great! It's so good to see you guys." He pulled away from Charlotte and gave Trevor a quick hug. "I have so much to tell you guys."

"You gonna introduce us to your mystical boyfriend?” she teased, hitting Frank’s arm softly. 

Frank blushed slightly, turning to take Gerard’s hand and pull him forward. “Here he is, the legend himself. This is Gerard, we've been dating for I think almost two months now.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow, glancing to her husband and then to Gerard. “You  _ really  _ got a pretty one, didn’t you?”

Frank looked over at Gerard and smiled when he noticed some pink going into his pale cheeks. “You're right, I did. He's beautiful.” Frank pressed a kiss to his cheek and rested his head on his shoulder. 

"He walked into me one night and I've been in love ever since," Gerard hummed, and Charlotte practically swooned. 

"Frank you're going to have to keep an eye on him, I might steal him from you." She laughed, still holding Trevor by the arm and Frank rolled his eyes at his cousin.

"Charlotte, your husband is literally right next to you. You're  _ married _ ." He looked over to Trevor who gave him a small smile and squeezed her arm as if to say  _ She’s mine. _

"I'm  _ kidding _ , Trev, obviously," She laughed, then winked at Gerard.

"I think we're both taken," he laughed, weaving an arm around Frank's waist. 

“Yeah, I think he’s right,” said Trevor, pulling Charlotte in closer.

Charlotte huffed dramatically and pressed a kiss to Trevor's cheek. "Fine, but you have to tell me  _ everything _ about how you met." Frank noticed her rubbing her thumb over Trevor’s wrist, a technique she often used to calm him down. Whether it was the new person or the shameless flirting, Frank didn't know but he hoped Trevor wasn't too overwhelmed.

“We literally just met over me running into him in the street and he asked me to coffee,” Frank said, leaning into Gerard.

“I just though he was that pretty.” Gerard pressed a kiss to Frank’s temples. “I couldn't just let him walk away.”

“Aw, holy shit,” Charlotte swooned, an arm wrapping around her husband’s shoulders. “We met…. at play group?”

“We were three, I think,” Trevor continued, seeming significantly more at ease now. “Took us another 13 years to fall in love, but it worked out in the end.”

“Romantic,” Gerard chuckled. “Frankie talks about you guys a lot. And your dogs.”

“He does love them,” Charlotte said.

“Our babies.” Trevor’s grip on his wife had loosened now. He was starting to get significantly more comfortable.

“Well, is Aunt Linda having you sleep there? In your childhood room?” Charlotte teased. “I know she's a hardass about you staying with her.”

Frank groaned. “Yep, she wouldn't leave me alone about it. I'm pissed, she’s gonna have Gee sleep on the guest room. I just wanna lay with my boyfriend.”

“I'd offer a room to you but I don't think my parents have much more space… you two would be on the couch probably,” said Trevor. “And frankly, your mom would just bitch about it.”

Frank laughed bitterly, squeezing Gerard’s hand. “You're not wrong. But don't worry about it dude, your parents are saints.”

Trevor smiled awkwardly and Charlotte just nodded. “You guys are welcome anytime though,” Trevor continued. 

Frank nodded and with that he decided it was around time he head home and try to somehow hide his feelings for the man next to him.

####  _ November 23 _

_ He loves me. I love him. _

###  Frank

Frank had said "I love you" first. That never happened. Ever. But now, with Gerard, it was just so natural, like some simple fact of life that he had always known. Frank loved Gerard. Gerard loved him back. It was wonderful. 

Gerard was stuck in the guest room of Frank's parents' house. Frank stared at the wall that separated their rooms, then at the clock on his bedside table. 12:45. His parents rarely stayed up past ten, they would be asleep by now.

Frank tugged on a hoodie and left his room, closing the door as quietly as he could behind him. Gerard's door was ajar, dim light spilling through the cracks. Frank nudged the door open with his foot and slipped inside, closing the door behind him. 

Gerard sat in his bed, reading, and smiled when Frank sat down next to him.

"They're asleep," Frank whispered, "They won't be up until seven." Gerard nodded and kissed his temple. 

"I missed you," he said, "I missed doing this." He set his book down and kissed Frank properly, his fingers grazing his jawline. Frank sighed happily, trying to keep quiet as his parents were just across the hall. He shifted so he was sitting higher up and clasped his hands around Gerard's neck, deepening the kiss. Gerard's hand drifted down to his waist, to the skin between his hoodie and pants. The sensation sent shock waves through his body, but Frank pulled away. 

"We can't," he breathed, "If they wake up they'll kill us." Gerard sighed and gave him one more kiss before shifting so Frank could curl into his side. 

"Are you doing okay so far?"

"I'm not sure. Having you here is helping, but it's still not good, you know?" He curled his fingers into Gerard's shirt, breathing the scent of him in. "I shouldn't have asked Charlotte and Trevor to come. They haven't seen her since she came out. They were so horrible to her. They kicked her out… she tried to kill herself about a week after. Her sister Dana keeps trying to get in Trevor's pants. She says she accepts Charlotte, but spend like five minutes with all of them in the same room and you can tell she doesn't. She makes all these passive aggressive comments. I don't know. I want to go home." Gerard's fingers traced shapes on his shoulder. His touch was soothing, and Frank could feel his eyelids getting heavy.

"I wish I could take you home," he murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Gerard pulled the blanket up farther and started to hum softly. "Just go to sleep, Frankie. I love you."

"I love you too." Frank snuggled into his side, letting the sound of Gerard's hum and the soothing motion of his fingers lull him to sleep.

Frank woke up in his room, the blankets tucked around him and a folded piece of paper placed under his clock with his name written on it. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he grabbed the paper, a note written in Gerard's handwriting and a sketch. 

_ I brought you back around 6, before your parents woke up, just in case. I hope you slept well, I love you _

_ ~G _

The sketch was of Frank asleep, his mouth slightly open and his hair falling in his eyes. It was rough, but beautiful, and Frank tucked it into his backpack to take home. He got up and looked through his bag for his jeans, and anything he could use to tie his hair up. He seriously needed a haircut. That or a bunch of hair ties.

Not finding anything other than a belt, he pulled the drawstring out of his hoodie and tied his hair in a loose ponytail before tugging on his jeans. 

Gerard and his parents sat in the living room, drinking coffee with the news channel playing in the background. Frank poured himself a cup, then sat down next to Gerard on the couch, resisting the urge to lean into him. Gerard's mouth twitched into a small smile, and he winked when Frank's mother wasn't paying attention. 

"Aren't you going to say good morning?" She asked, staring at Frank over the rims of her glasses.

"G'morning mom," he muttered, "Dad. Gee." His throat burned, and it showed. His voice was rough and deep, vibrating through his chest. The coffee helped, the heat soothing the irritation, but Frank figured he should just keep quiet for a bit. Gerard laid his arm over the top of the couch, positioning it to brush the back of Frank's neck. Frank could feel his fingers travelling from the hem of his shirt to his hairline, moving with careful delicacy. 

"Did you sleep well?" He asked, and Frank nodded. "That's good." His smile widened a bit, an expression that screamed 'I love you!' in large, bold letters. 

His parents, thankfully, remained oblivious to the electricity crackling between them, so Frank relaxed into the couch, and Gerard began to twirl the ends of his hair. 

Gerard finished his coffee and pulled out his sketchbook, working on shading in another sketch of Frank's tattoos. This one showed his hands, curled around his mug. Another one showed his face in profile, with his hair tied up like it was now. Frank could watch him draw for hours, the careful concentration, the hair tucked behind his ear that always managed to fall in his eyes. The drawing showed Frank's hands as they were right now, so he made sure not to move. 

Frank wasn't sure how long they sat there, but he must've fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew his cheek was pressed against Gerard's shoulder. His coffee was cold, his hands still woven around the mug. Gerard's head was on top of his, and he had started on a new drawing, ravens flying over a church. 

"D'you finish the other one?" Frank murmured, pressing closer to see the sketchbook. Gerard hummed and flipped back to the previous page. "'S beautiful." He took a sip of his coffee, wincing at the bitterness. "You're so talented, Gee." 

"Frank, you're sitting awfully close to your friend there…" Frank's father trailed off, the implications of the sentence hanging in the air. Frank couldn't bring himself to care, curled up on his parents' couch with his head on Gerard's shoulder. He'd be out by this time tomorrow, and they'd probably disown him for it, so why bother trying to stay in their favor? He shrugged, making a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. 

"He's warm. It's cold in here," he groaned, curling closer to Gerard's side to prove his point. "Plus I can see what he's drawing better."

"What  _ are  _ you drawing, Gerard?" His mother asked, craning her neck to see the page. Gerard blushed and receded into Frank's side, hugging the book to his chest. "Oh come on, it won't kill you to let me see it," she pressed, sitting down on the arm of the couch and reaching for the book. The look in Gerard's face shifted to something close to panic, his knuckles white on the edges of the sketchbook. 

"Hey, mom," Frank interrupted, "I just remembered I was going to show Gerard around town today and we're meeting some people for lunch." He got up and pulled Gerard back to his room, shutting the door behind him with a heavy sigh. Gerard sat down on his bed, still holding onto his sketchbook like it could disappear. "God, they're the worst. I'm so sorry, Gee." Gerard nodded and Frank sat down next to him, linking their arms together. "Are you okay?"

"I'll live," he muttered, "What about you?" He tucked his hair back and wrapped an arm around Frank's waist.

"I've stopped giving a fuck, but you didn't answer my question, are you okay?" Gerard made a noise and pulled him into a hug. 

"I don't know. I've been around too long for this to affect me this much. I don't understand why… Maybe the idea of it happening to you… I don't know. She was just so close, and they were drawings of you, and I just... and I don't want them to hurt you.” Gerard’s grip tightened on his boyfriend and Frank made a quiet, happy noise.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing his face into Gerard’s shoulder. “But I’ll be out by tomorrow. You don't need to worry yet.”

“Yet?”

“Trust me babe, I genuinely don't know what's gonna happen,” he said, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. “It could be bad, it could be okay, we won't know until it happens. Look, let's just go to Trevor’s until Hell Day starts. His family’s really chill and they've practically adopted Charlotte.”

Gerard smiled and Frank squeezed his hand. “Anything for you,  _ mon chèrie _ ,” he said, pressing a kiss to Frank’s head before the two made their way to his car. 

Frank suggested they sneak out his window, but Gerard pointed out his parents might call the police and dragged him out the front door. They had made another stop home just to let Frank’s parents know where he'd be going. They were in Gerard’s car again and Frank yawned, leaning back against the seat. Today was really going to be a long day, wasn't it? Once they had arrived at the house, Frank walked quickly to the door. It had been nearly two years since he had seen Trevor’s family, his parents and brothers. They felt like more of a family to him than his own and he couldn't wait to see them again. 

“Frankie!” He was greeted by a shout from one of Trevor’s brothers. Henry had wrapped his arms tightly around him, patting his back as he saw him. “How are you, man? It's been too fucking long!”

"I'm doing pretty good," he said, "Gerard, this is Henry, Trevor's brother, Henry, this is my boyfriend Gerard." Henry grinned and pulled him into a hug. 

"It's good to meet you, Gerard. Too bad you're a few years early, 'cause now I owe Ethan ten bucks." 

"You guys bet on me?" 

"What, you didn't think we could tell you were in love with our brother?" He led them into the living room, where Charlotte and Trevor's other brother, Ethan, sat talking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gerard teased, resting his chin on Frank's shoulder. Henry's face lit up, but Frank cut him off 

"Nononono, I  _ refuse _ to think about middle school. You're not allowed to tell that story." He crossed his arms and leaned into Gerard.

"How're you gonna stop me? You're like three feet tall," Henry laughed, then shifted his focus to Gerard. "He was in like seventh grade and he had the biggest crush on Trevor, it was adorable. Pretty much everyone except his parents knew, it was only a matter of time before he found someone." Gerard smiled and pressed a kiss to Frank's cheek.

"That doesn't surprise me, although I think  _ I'm _ the one who found  _ him _ ." Frank snorted. 

"I walked into you, I'm pretty sure it was a mutual finding." Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank's waist and hummed. 

"Whatever you say,  _ mon chéri _ ."

"You guys are cute," Ethan called, "Where's my ten bucks Henry?" Henry sighed just as Trevor walked into the room, and he stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at the scene. The brothers looked eerily similar, fluffy blonde hair, brown eyes, tall and lanky like the slightest breeze could knock them all over.

"I'll get it to you later, I left my wallet in my room." A little girl came running into the room and wrapped her arms around Frank's legs. 

"Uncle Frankie!"

"Violet! Hey! How've you been?" He picked up Henry’s young daughter, the girl he treated as his niece, resting her on his hip. Her hair was up in ribbons, and she grinned at him.

"I lost a tooth!" There was indeed a gap in her mouth, and she pulled her lip aside so Frank could see it better.

"You did!" He grinned and glanced back at Gerard. "Violet, this is my boyfriend Gerard." 

"He's pretty," she murmured, and a slight blush appeared on Gerard's cheeks. 

"He is," Frank sighed, "He really is. I love him." 

"Thank you, my dear." Gerard inclined his head toward the girl in a bow, a smile lingering on his face. "I like your hair." Violet grinned and started to squirm, so Frank set her down and leaned back into Gerard. "She's adorable," he murmured. 

"She's Henry's kid. I don't know where his girlfriend is, but they're great. C'mon, I've got more people to introduce you to." He grabbed Gerard's hand and pulled him into the kitchen, where Trevor's parents were leaning against the counters, drinking. 

"Frank! It's so good to see you!" Trevor's mother set her glass down and pulled him into a hug. She looked him over, smiling, then glanced over at his shoulder to Gerard. "Who'd you bring with you?" 

"This is Gerard," he said, stepping back to take his hand. "We're dating. Gerard, this is Gina and Scott."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." He smiled warmly at the couple and shook their hands, still holding onto Frank's. Frank supposed he should have been nervous, these people were more family to him than his parents ever were, but a glance at Gerard's face told him he didn't have to be. Gina was smiling, but looked like she was about to cry, and before Frank could ask what was wrong, she pulled him into another hug. 

"I'm so proud of you," she said. She turned to Gerard with a smile on her face. “He's a lovely boy, you're very lucky to have him. You better treat him well, he's become like a son to me.”

“I’d never even think about hurting him,” said Gerard, a soft smile gracing his features. “I love him a lot.” 

"I love you too." Frank pressed a kiss to his cheek, tightening his grip on his hand. He couldn't stop smiling, just staring up at Gerard and back to Gina. "I'm going to tell my parents today." The room went silent, like a record scratch in a movie. Gina sucked in a breath, twisting the wedding band on her finger. "Gerard'll be with me, he'll keep me safe if anything goes wrong." 

"Just… be careful. If anything were to happen to you-"

"I won't let anything happen to him," Gerard insisted, "You have my word."

Frank paced his room, dragging his hands through his hair. People would start to show up in about half an hour. Gerard sat on his bed, twisting a strand of his hair. The final stage of panic before he went down was starting. He shouldn't come out tonight, his whole family was going to be there. He was insane! He was going to get beaten, disowned. He saw how bad it was for Charlotte, how was it gonna be for him? Speaking of Charlotte, the poor girl was gonna spend all night completely miserable. All because he needed her to be there just in case. This whole situation was a mistake. 

Gerard noticed how anxious he was and stood, taking Frank's hands. His hand moved to rub his neck softly. “It'll all be okay, dearest,” he said quietly, his voice practically a purr. “You have me here. And Charlotte. And Trevor. We’re gonna keep you safe, okay?” Frank nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into his touch. Gerard pressed a soft kiss to his lips, his thumb brushing against his jaw. "You're going to be okay." Frank kissed back, grabbing Gerard's jacket and pulling him closer. 

"I love you," he breathed, "so fucking much." A knock came at the door, and they jumped apart, Gerard throwing himself into a chair just as the door opened. 

"Frank, come on, your aunt and uncle have arrived." His mother stood in the doorway, and Frank held up a hand. 

"Yeah, I know. Gerard's just helping me decide whether or not I should wear a tie." He held a tie to his collar and looked to his boyfriend. 

"Oh, definitely not. Black shouldn't be married by colors." Frank nodded and tossed the tie back in his bag. 

"Alright, let's go."

Frank and Gerard sat in the corner of the living room, Frank mostly to avoid his family, Gerard to keep him company. Charlotte and Trevor sat on the couch, trying to keep Charlotte's younger sister from assaulting him. 

"That's Dana," Frank murmured, pointing to the brunette. "She's always trying to get Trevor to leave Charlotte for her." She sat on the arm of the couch, an arm draped over Trevor's shoulder. Charlotte sat next to him, holding his hand as he pointedly avoided Dana's advances. "Over there's her parents. They haven't seen Charlotte in six years." 

“I'm sure a lot’s changed since then,” Gerard mused, glancing from Charlotte to her parents.

Frank nodded before getting up from where he was sitting with his boyfriend to intervene on the scene going on between Dana and Trevor because Charlotte looked like she was about to grab the nearest sharp object and stab her sister. 

“Hey, Dana, why don't you lay off Trevor for a bit?” he said, arms crossed as he got a dirty look from the girl. 

“Well, why should I?” she said, raised an eyebrow standing up to look at Frank.

Charlotte’s jaw dropped at that, releasing Trevor’s hand. “Maybe because he's my husband? Who I married?”

“So? He's missing out honestly.” Charlotte looked like she'd been punched in the gut, her eyes wide and her jaw slack. Trevor grabbed her hand at the notice of her reaction, squeezing it tight and whispering something to her.

“Dude, c’mon.” Frank was so close to losing it and just slapping her in the face. "You-" 

“Frank,” said Gerard, walking forward and placing a hand on Frank’s shoulder. "Be careful, okay?" Frank relaxed a little at his touch, opening and closing his hands to keep from punching her. 

“Look Dana,” Trevor had wrapped his arms around Charlotte’s waist now, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I'm getting sick of this. I love my wife more than life and I’m not leaving her for some bratty transphobe who thinks I’ll want to fuck her for the sole reason being she has a vagina. I'm not into you.”

Dana huffed loudly before glancing over at the man behind Frank. “Who's this handsome fellow?” she asked, biting her lip.

Frank took in a sharp breath before quickly spitting out, “He’s got a boyfriend, don't even think about it.”

Dana shrugged. “He doesn't need to know.”

Gerard brushed his hand over the small of Frank’s back before looking back at him and saying, “Sweetheart, I'm gay. It's just not an option. Even if it was, I love him very much.” It took every ounce of self control in Frank's body to not just melt into Gerard, but he kept his face stern and stared her down. Dana sighed, tossing her hair over her shoulder and slinking off to the kitchen. 

"I fucking hate her," Charlotte groaned, laying her head on Trevor's shoulder. Trevor took her hand and held it to his lips, sinking into her side, sighing softly.

“I know, Newt,” he murmured. “I love you, okay? I'm not going anywhere.”

Frank smiled at the sight of the couple, wanting to reach for Gerard’s hand but managing to stop himself. Trevor pressed a kiss to her lips before they went back to the couch where Charlotte laid her head on his lap as her mother walked over and she covered her face, knowing she was about to get a bitchy comment.

“Trevor,” she said, sitting down in front of them. “I didn't know you were gay, darling.” Trevor groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"First of all, I'm bisexual, we've established this. Second, Charlotte is _ very clearly  _ a woman, and I would appreciate it if you stopped disrespecting my  _ wife." _ Charlotte smiled up at him, reaching up to run a finger down his jawline.

Frank hated his aunt. She was the worst when it came to Charlotte’s gender, even worse than his parents. She was condescending and bitchy and tortured the poor girl. What did the two of them do to deserve a family like this?

“You know, people are gonna think you're insane if you're out in public calling Charlotte your son,” Frank said with a shrug. “She looks like a girl, ya know.”

His aunt shot a glare at Frank. “He  _ is  _ my son,” she said. Trevor opened his mouth again but Charlotte just squeezed his hand, as if to tell him ‘I love you, but keep yourself mouth shut.’ Trevor wasn't so timid in front of their family anymore though, so he wasn't ready to shut up.

“How hard is it to fucking respect your daughter?” Trevor said loudly, still squeezing her hand. “Charlotte is a  _ woman _ . Charlotte is my  _ wife _ and she is  _ beautiful.  _ Please just leave her alone.” 

“I love you, boo,” Charlotte whispered to Trevor. He carded fingers through her hair with a small grin. Charlotte's mother sighed and opened her mouth to argue, but Frank cut her off. 

"No. You did enough damage six years ago. You don't get to tell her who she is. She is a woman and if you refer to her as anything but, so help me God I will stab you with this fork." He was seconds away from just grabbing Gerard's hand and leaving, but he couldn't just leave Charlotte and Trevor alone with the rest of the family. Gerard's hand pressed into his back again, offering comfort and a gentle reminder to stay calm. He didn't know how much more of this he could take, five more minutes and he'd snap. How had he done this before? He was barely making it through this with Gerard at his side, how had he done this without him? 

Charlotte's mother huffed and moved on to antagonize another group, and Frank let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. 

"God, guys, I'm so sorry I made you come," he groaned, tossing himself onto the couch. Gerard sat down next to him and Frank leaned into him. "I wish I could kiss you." He fiddled with Gerard's fingers, pulling off a ring he wore and studying it. He glanced over to Charlotte, who had her arms wrapped around Trevor as he brushed his fingers through her hair. He was handing back Gerard's ring just as a thought struck him. "Actually, follow me."

Frank led Gerard outside, relishing in the escape from the stifling air of the house. As soon as the door had closed behind them, Frank grabbed Gerard's hand, clinging to him for dear life. 

"Where are we going?" He asked, wrapping an arm around Frank's shoulder as he started to shiver. "Dammit Frankie, when are you going to dress for the weather?"

"I dress for the weather when the weather won't kill me," he huffed, "I'm not going back in there just to grab my jacket." He opened the gate to the backyard and pulled Gerard in behind him, glancing for a second at the windows. "We're just gonna sit out here for a bit." 

"Are you okay?" Frank wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Gerard's chest and just letting his touch wash away the tension coiled in his body. 

"Would it be weird if I said I missed you?" Gerard laughed, rubbing his hands up and down Frank's back. 

"I missed you too," he replied, "It was suffocating in there, holy shit." He stepped back and studied Frank for a second, his eyes flitting over his features with concern. 

"I'm okay Gee, you don't have to worry." He kissed Gerard's cheek and offered him a smile. Gerard sighed and smiled back, then glanced behind him and grinned.

"Is that a swing?"

"Oh shit I forgot about that, yeah!" He went over and brushed the snow off the seat. "I built this with my dad when I was six, I had no idea it was still here." He sat down and started to swing, grinning as Gerard came up behind him to push. 

Frank swung for a minute or two until snow started to fall, when he planted his feet and Gerard draped his arms over his shoulders. He should have been cold, but Gerard was warm, and he had barely started to shiver. 

"I always forget how pretty it is when it snows," he murmured, "It almost makes you forget the cold."

"I wish I could go out in the day to see the sun hit it. I can barely even remember what it looks like." Gerard sounded so sad, his grip on Frank's shoulders tightening a little. 

"I'll bring my camera with me when I go out so I can get pictures for you. I know it's not the same, but it'll be better than not seeing it at all." Frank twisted so he could see Gerard's face, the brilliant smile that graced his beautiful features. 

"I love you."

"I love you too." Frank reached up and wrapped an arm around the back of Gerard's head, pulling him into a kiss. One of his hands cupped Frank's face, and the other trailed down his side until it stopped at his waist. The ends of Gerard's hair brushed his cheeks, cold and slightly damp from the snow. A chill started to creep in through the thin layer of fabric that was his shirt, but Frank couldn't bring himself to move. Everything about this moment was perfect, the swing, the snow, his fingers curled in Gerard's hair, the gentle pressure of Gerard's hands on his cheek and side. Perfect. 

Dimly, Frank could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he couldn't bring himself to break the kiss and check it. His neck started to hurt, so he slowly, carefully stood and turned around, not letting Gerard's face get more than a few inches away from his own. The movement made him remember just how cold it was and he shivered, his fingertips almost numb. Gerard pulled away and sighed, his thumb brushing circles in Frank's cheek. 

"We have to go inside," he said. Frank groaned and buried his face in Gerard's neck, trying to keep himself from shivering. "No, come on, you're freezing. I'm not letting you stay out here any longer without a coat." He pressed a soft kiss to Frank's forehead then pulled him toward the front of the house, rubbing his hands up and down Frank's arms. 

"It's not _ that bad _ ," Frank whined, just as another shiver wracked his body. Gerard raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Alright, fine I just don't want to have to let go of you."

"I know _mon chéri_ , but we have to.”

Frank rolled his eyes and made his way back to the house. As he twisted the doorknob, he checked his phone. The vibration he felt earlier was a message from Charlotte.  _ Don’t you fucking dare come back in here _ . He just shrugged, despite the message as he entered the house, Gerard following close behind him. But in no time he heard screaming and felt fingers wrap tightly around his neck. 

The last thing he saw before the flash of blinding white was Gerard’s pale face as he tried to ignore the searing pain in his throat


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning for panic attack*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE FUN WITH THIS ONE GUYS WE'RE NOT SORRY
> 
> -Raven

###  Gerard

Gerard didn't know what was happening. One moment they were in the doorway, Frank's hand still loosely wrapped around his, the next minute someone was screaming and Frank was being pulled away from him. 

He was shoved away from the door, and Frank's father had his son pinned to the wall, his hands closed around Frank's throat. 

Gerard couldn't breathe. His vision went white, and suddenly he was staring at his body from across the room, hands wrapped around his throat. Frank's father was holding him against a wall, his face purple with rage. He couldn't tear his eyes off himself, he looked almost frozen, his face ashen and his eyes wide.

He was back in his body, stumbling back into a table.  _ Frank _ was the one being choked, not him.

Fuck. 

_ FRANK. _

Panic washed over his body, like someone had flipped a switch. He rushed forward, pulling Frank's father away and catching his boyfriend as he crumpled to the floor. Frank was so pale, barely breathing. Why wasn't he breathing? He was so small and frail in Gerard's arms, his eyelids fluttering. Gerard's heart stopped. What if he didn't wake up? Distantly, he could hear shouting, but all that mattered was Frank. Gerard cradled his face, searching frantically for a pulse. Gerard couldn't lose him. Not again. He didn't care what he had to do, he couldn't lose him again. 

"Frank?" Everything was shaking, his hands, his voice. Why wasn't he waking up? "Frankie, come on, you have to wake up! Come on, Frankie please!" Frank sucked in a deep breath, and Gerard nearly cried. He held Frank to his chest, sobbing with relief as Frank clung to him. He was alive. He was okay.

Frank opened his mouth, but all that came out was a hollow rasp. Gerard pressed a finger to his lips, his other hand brushing the hair out of his eyes. Gerard silently thanked all the gods he didn't believe in as Frank stared up at him with wide eyes.

"Frankie, no, don't try to talk, it could cause damage." Frank nodded, tears streaming down his face, and Gerard pulled him back into his chest. "You're okay. You're okay. It's going to be okay." He rocked back and forth, unable to let go. They sat there, both of them trembling, clinging to each other as if they'd never be separated.

The world came back into focus, and everyone was shouting. Trevor was practically holding Charlotte back from Frank's father, who had a bloody nose and was screaming his lungs out. Gerard couldn't bring himself to move, couldn't let go of Frank. 

Charlotte made eye contact with him and motioned for him to go, pointing at Frank and then the door. Gerard nodded and stood up, pulling Frank to his feet. He swayed as he tried to walk, his knees almost buckling, so Gerard picked him up, setting him down again to hand him his jacket and get them out the door. 

"I'm going to take you to the ER," he said once they were in the car. "We need to make sure there's not any serious damage, okay?" Frank nodded and took Gerard's hand. "I'll stop by tomorrow and get our things, I don't want you to go back there." Frank nodded again, staring out the window before his shoulders started to shake and tears spilled down his cheeks. Soon enough the sound of his quiet sobs filled the car, and he had pulled his knees up to his chest.

Gerard pulled into the parking lot of the ER and went over to the passenger side, pulling Frank back into his arms as he sobbed. 

"You're going to be okay," he murmured, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll take care of you, you'll be okay." Frank nodded into his shoulder, his fingers curling into his collar. A car pulled in next to them and Charlotte got out before the car was even off, her platinum hair windblown and a bruise forming on her cheekbone.

"Oh my gods, Frank!" She pulled him into a hug, her face buried in his hair. Trevor got out a few seconds later and Gerard wandered over to him. 

"Are you guys okay?" Trevor nodded, then leaned in and spoke in a low voice.

"She tried to fight the whole family, I had to drag her out of there. How's Frank?" 

"He'll be okay eventually. He's really shaken right now, I think I might take him home." Trevor nodded again.

"Are  _ you _ okay?" Trevor’s eyes were wide and he seemed genuinely worried. Gerard broke eye contact and leaned back slightly. He couldn't afford to have someone worrying about him right now.

"Wh- yeah, I'm fine." Gerard looked back at Frank, who was still hugging Charlotte. He was sobbing into her shoulder, seemingly unable to stop himself as she rubbed his back and comforted him. 

"No, I mean, are you  _ okay?  _ I know how hard it is to watch your partner almost die. It's been six years and I still get nightmares." He laid a hand on Gerard's shoulder. "I saw you back there, you're allowed to let it affect you too." Gerard nodded slowly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He would worry about himself later. Frank was more important. 

"Thanks." Charlotte came over, an arm still wrapped around Frank, who melted into Gerard as soon as he got close enough. Gerard wrapped an arm around his waist and held a hand to the back of his head, stroking his hair and peppering soft kisses on his face. Trevor was right, he wasn't okay, and it was taking everything in him to not just break down right there, to just sink to the floor sobbing and holding Frank as tight as he could.

"He's coming back with us," she said. "We're taking him back to Boston with us." 

“Newt—”

“It's not a question, Trevor. He's broken. I'm not leaving him within a half hour from the people who did this to him! He needs our support and our protection. They're not gonna go that far just to beat his ass. He's my baby cousin, I'm not letting anything else happen to him.” She glanced over at them, Frank still shaking like a leaf and Gerard clinging to him like he could disappear. "Gerard, you're coming too, of course."

"All our stuff's still at their house," he said. "I'll stop by tomorrow and get it, but right now he needs to see a doctor." He glanced at Trevor, who nodded, then back to Frank, his heart twisting at the miserable expression on his face. "Are you okay to walk or do you want me to carry you again?" Frank let go slowly, still swaying on his feet, and Gerard just managed to catch him before his knees gave out. 

Gerard carried him into the waiting room, setting him down on a chair while Charlotte and Trevor went to check him in. 

"Frankie, they're going to have to touch your neck, okay? They might have to do a scan, and I can't be there for you if they do, but I won't leave you, alright?" Frank nodded, sinking down in the chair and shifting so his head was in Gerard's lap. He stared up at Gerard, his face finally relaxing, and Gerard ran his fingers over his face, smoothing out any tense muscles. 

Gerard didn't know how long they sat there, at some point the rest of the world melted away, but he whispered reassurances. Soft "I love you"s and anything he could think of, what painting he was working on, some new store he wanted to visit back home, Mikey's latest video game, anything. 

"Frank Iero? Is there a Frank Iero here?" A nurse stood at the door, a clipboard held in her hands. Gerard held up a hand and helped Frank to his feet, holding him to his side. The nurse held up a hand as they approached, looking the two of them up and down. "Which one of you is Mr. Iero?"

"He is," Gerard replied, "I'm his fiancé." The nurse blinked, and for a second he worried she wouldn't let him through, but then she shook her head and waved him in. 

"Room twelve." 

Gerard helped Frank climb into the table, but when he tried to move away Frank pulled him back, his grip tightening on his arm. Gerard sighed and sat down next to him, keeping hold of his hand. 

"Just a warning," he murmured, "If I see a needle I will pass out." Frank snorted, a smile poking at the corners of his mouth. Gerard had been serious, but if it offered a distraction he wasn't about to ruin that.

The doctor came in, a laptop balanced on her hip and the expression on her face too pleasant for the situation. 

"Alright, Mr. Iero, what can we do for you today?" Frank glanced at Gerard, fear creeping in on the edges of his eyes. 

"He was strangled," Gerard said, something in Frank's face telling him to lie about who did it. "We were grabbing groceries, I didn't see who did it. He woke up pretty fast, but I just want to make sure he's okay." The doctor nodded, typing a few words in her computer then turning to Frank. 

"Ok, and you are?"

"Gerard Way, ma'am, his fiancé." The lie was getting easier to tell, more comfortable to say. She typed a few more things on the computer. 

"Alright Mr. Iero, I'm going to feel for damage and you're going to say your name." She placed her fingers on the side of Frank's neck and he flinched. The fear in his eyes turned to panic and he pulled away, shaking. His grip on Gerard's hand was like iron, his knuckles white. Gerard pulled his hand away and cradled Frank's face forcing their eyes to meet.

"Frankie look at me, you need to calm down." He was still trembling, breathing hard. He tried to shake Gerard off, but he held fast. "Just look at me. I'm right here. You're okay." He stopped thrashing, but he kept panicking, his eyes darting around the room like a caged animal. Gerard didn't have a choice. He closed his eyes, feeling his power wash over him like a bucket of ice water. "Frankie,  _ mon chéri _ , look at me. You're okay. You're safe. Just breathe. Breathe with me. In…" He took a deep breath in, smiling as Frank did the same. "Good. And out. Just breathe, you're okay. The doctor is here to help you. She's not going to hurt you, Frankie." Frank nodded slowly, his eyes glazed over as he stared at Gerard. He had to stop. He let the power trickle away, keeping his hands on his face, brushing slow circles in his cheeks. "You're okay. You're safe." He glanced at the doctor and slowly let his hands fall. "You're okay. You're safe." Frank's eyes came back into focus and he stared at Gerard, hurt and confusion on his face. "I'm sorry, I had to get you to calm down," he whispered, then turned to the doctor. "Can we get some water?" The doctor handed Frank a cup, and he drank slowly, keeping one hand wrapped around Gerard's. Once he finished he turned to the doctor and nodded. 

Gerard tuned the rest of the visit out, focussing on keeping Frank calm, stroking his hair as the doctor examined him. He thought of the events of the day, of the past few hours. The last time he had been that scared he was still human. More importantly, he had seen what Frank was seeing, felt the hands wrapped around his throat. He had only heard of that happening a few times. Most recently, with Mikey and Pete. It was rare, and if it was indeed what he thought it was… he had to call Mikey.

"Well Mr. Iero, you got very lucky. I wasn't able to find anything that could come back to haunt you later, but you should see some mild bruising in the next few days. If at any point it becomes hard to breathe you need to come back in immediately." Frank nodded, leaning back into Gerard. "You'll have trouble speaking, but it'll clear up in a few days and you should be fine."

"Thank you," Gerard said, feeling the relief wash over him once more. The idea of losing Frank after everything…

"Just take it easy for a few days, try to avoid talking. They'll have your bill up at the front desk." Frank's eyes went wide and he pulled out his phone, typing  _ THE BILL _ in large letters. Gerard took his hand and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I'll get it,  _ mon chéri _ . Don't worry about it." Frank nodded and Gerard helped him stand, keeping a steady arm around his waist. "Thank you again. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Charlotte was pacing the waiting room and rushed over as soon as she saw them. 

"What'd they say?" She took Frank's shoulders and inspected him again, then looked to Gerard. 

"He'll be fine, he just needs to rest a bit." Frank nodded and leaned more heavily on Gerard.

"I'm going to fucking murder them." Trevor put a hand on her shoulder. 

"We're still in the hospital, Newt."

"I don't care, he should pay for what he did." Frank sighed and pulled out his phone again, typing something out and holding his phone so they could all see it.  _ I'm FINE, I don't want them getting in trouble. _

"Frankie, he-" Gerard paused, barely able to get the words out. He could barely think about what could have happened if he hadn't been fast enough. He led them outside, clinging to Frank. "He nearly  _ killed you _ . Do you get that? You could have-" His voice broke, the full force of what had happened finally hitting him. Frank nearly  _ died _ . He almost lost the love of his life  _ again _ . "You could have _ died,  _ Frankie! And I- I can't lose you." His throat closed up and he cupped Frank's face with shaking hands. Frank stared back at him with sad eyes, bringing his hand up to close around Gerard's wrist. "I love you," he sighed, his voice cracking much more than he would've liked it to. The corners of Frank's mouth twitched into a smile and he pulled Gerard into a kiss. He would never get tired of this. Every kiss felt like the first one, just as exhilarating, just as right. They fit so perfectly together, every curve of his body complimenting his own. Frank was here. He was safe. Everything would be alright.

Boston was three hours away and Frank was exhausted, so Charlotte and Trevor came with them to Trevor's parents' house. Each time he moved, Frank leaned heavily on Gerard, though Gerard suspected .it was more for comfort than necessity. Gina let them stay in her room, insisting Frank take a bed. 

He curled into Gerard's side, wrapping his arms around his waist and tucking his head into the crook of his neck. Gerard brushed his fingers through his hair and along his arm, humming softly. Gina came in after a moment, carrying two mugs. 

"I put some bourbon in your tea," she said, "Figured it could help you boys sleep better." Frank sat up to take his mug, and Gerard saw the beginnings of bruises on his neck. They were faint, barely visible, but they were there. Pale purple splotches reaching around his throat. 

"Thank you," Gerard murmured, managing to tear his eyes away from the bruises long enough to accept his tea. Gina laid a hand on Frank's shoulder for a moment. 

"Let me know if you need anything else, okay?" Frank nodded, wrapping his hands around his mug. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and left the room, closing the door behind her. 

Frank stared at his tea, taking slow, careful sips as Gerard watched him. Before he could stop himself or realize what was happening, Gerard's fingers grazed the bruises on his neck, causing Frank to flinch.

“Fuck, did I hurt you, Love?” Gerard asked, moving his hand quickly back to the mug.

Frank shook his head, opening his mouth to try and say something before letting out a strangled rasp. His dad had really done some damage, hadn't he? But Gerard just pressed a finger to his lips and chuckled softly. 

“You're too talkative for your own good,” he teased, easing Frank into his chest. “I love you for it, but you can’t talk right now, Dearest.” Frank took one of his hands and held it to his chest, brushing his thumb across the back of his hand. Gerard brushed his free hand through his hair as his breathing slowed, watching as his face relaxed as he fell asleep. He looked so small, his mouth slightly open and his face smooth. 

Gerard shifted, slowly pulling himself out from under him. He sat for a minute at the side of the bed, combing his hair out of his eyes and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He lingered for a moment longer, making sure he was okay, then collected their mugs and brought them to the kitchen. 

Trevor and Charlotte sat on the couch, her head in his lap and his fingers in her hair. They were silent, neither saying a word as Gerard sat down. 

"He's asleep," he said after a moment, studying his fingernails. His hands were trembling, and he stuffed them in his pockets. "I need to call my brother." Trevor nodded as he stepped outside, not tearing his eyes off his wife. 

It was cold, and Gerard just sat for a moment, finally allowing himself to process what happened. They were together, they had kissed on the swing. Someone must have seen them. Frank had been torn away from him, he had  _ been Frank _ for a second. Gerard had stopped it, had caught him as he fell to the floor, and every second he was unconscious felt like a lifetime. A few seconds longer and he could have been dead.  _ Dead _ . Gone, just like that. In the blink of an eye. The squeeze of a hand. 

There were tears on his face. When had he started crying? Drying his eyes, he pulled out his phone. Mikey could help. Mikey picked up on the first ring, the echo of music in the background. 

"Gee—Just a second, my love—What's up?" Gerard tried to explain, but all that came out was a strangled sob. "Gerard, what happened? Are you okay?" His voice was soothing, and Gerard slowly calmed down enough to talk, sucking in air he didn't need.

"Just- just stay on the phone. Please."

"Do you want me to come out there? It's not far, we could leave in a few minutes." Gerard didn't say anything, and Mikey sighed into the receiver. "What's the address?"

Gerard let Gina and Scott know Mikey would be coming for a few minutes, then sat outside to wait for him. 

Mikey's car pulled up half an hour later, Pete in the passenger seat. As soon as Mikey got out of the car Gerard tackled him in a hug, needing his familiarity. 

"Okay, you seriously have to tell me what's wrong." Mikey stepped back and looked him up and down. "Are you hurt?" Gerard shook his head and let them inside. 

"Frank and I- we were at his parents' house and went outside to get some air, and- and we kissed and I guess someone saw-"

"Oh fuck," Pete muttered, and took Mikey's hand. 

"I still don't know exactly what happened, but we went inside 'cause Frank got cold and-" He couldn't bring himself to say it. Mikey pulled him into another hug, rubbing circles in his back. "I'll just show you," Gerard continued after a minute. "He's asleep though, so try and stay quiet." Pete nodded and Gerard led them to where Frank slept, now curled up around a pillow. 

The bruises were more visible now, a darker, angrier purple. Gerard heard Mikey suck in a breath as he sat down next to him, pulling the blanket he had thrown off back up to his shoulders. His breathing was slow and even, a little rough sounding, but still normal enough. 

"They're so fragile," he whispered, "I didn't really think about it until today, but he could be gone in the snap of the fingers." He brushed his fingers down Frank's cheek, a warm feeling blooming in his chest at the smile that formed on his face. "There's something else I wanted to talk about, though." They went back to the living room, Charlotte eyeing Pete and Mikey as they walked by. 

"Who'd you take in there?" 

"This is my brother Mikey and his boyfriend Pete. Guys, this is Charlotte, Frank's cousin." Mikey nodded and Pete gave a half wave. "I would've introduced you earlier but I thought you were asleep," Gerard explained, and Charlotte nodded. 

"C'mon Newt, we should get to bed," Trevor murmured, running a hand through his hair as she sat up. "We'll let you guys talk." He pulled his wife out of the room, his hand closed around her wrist. 

"Something happened," Gerard said once they were gone. "While Frank was… being hurt." Pete and Mikey glanced at each other, some unspoken communication passing between them. "He was pulled away from me, and suddenly I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at him, and then it was as if I  _ was _ him, I could- I could feel the hands around his throat like it was my own, and I could _ see myself _ . I- I could feel everything he felt, all of the pain and the terror… it was horrible." His hands and voice shook, and he hated it. 

"Shit…" Mikey ran a hand through his hair. "Gerard… You remember back in '68 when Pete got in that fight?"

"Pete gets in a lot of fights," he replied. He knew which one he was talking about.

"I know he does-"

"I'm right here, you know," Pete cut in, and Mikey held a thin finger to his lips.

"Hush, my Love, I'm trying to tell the story. You get in a lot of fights, don't try to deny it." He turned back to Gerard. "He got in this fight. To this day it's been one of the worst. We were at some bar, Pete was dancing, and I went to the restroom. I'm washing my hands and my vision goes white. Then I'm on the dance floor and someone's fist is flying toward my face. He was wearing brass knuckles and I can remember what it felt like when it connected with my face. I blink, and I'm back in the bathroom, my face completely fine. I leave the bathroom and Pete's being beaten to shit by that same guy with the brass knuckles." Gerard nodded, and Mikey continued.

"I did some digging, talked to some of us from a few centuries ago, they all said the same thing. If this is what happened to you, and from what you said it probably is, you could be soulmates."

###  Frank

Frank woke up with Gerard's arm around his waist and pain in his throat. Gerard pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

"How're you feeling,  _ mon chéri _ ?" Frank let out a groan and screwed his eyes shut, even just the small noise making the pain in his throat double. "I'm sorry," Gerard murmured, "Let's just stay here for a bit, okay?" Frank nodded and rolled over, wrapping his arms around Gerard and burying his face in his shoulder. Gerard's arm around him was tight, but not enough that it hurt, and despite the aching in his neck he was comfortable. 

He didn't want to think about yesterday. He couldn't. Not thinking about it was the only thing keeping him together. One mention of  _ it _ , and his composure would come crashing down. Not that there was ever much to begin with. 

"Frankie, Darling," Gerard's whisper sliced through his thoughts like a knife, and Frank realized he had started to cry again. "I'm right here, okay? Everything's going to be okay." He pulled them into a sitting position, his fingers curling in his hair. Frank's sobs turned to gasps as his chest tightened, his throat burning. He couldn't breathe. He clawed at his chest, his nails leaving angry red marks on the bare skin. The shapes at the edge of his vision began to blur.

"Frank." Gerard's voice sounded different, layered. He cupped Frank's face and made their eyes meet. Gerard always had such pretty eyes. "Frank, look at me. You need to breathe or you're going to pass out." Was that what was happening? Why did Gerard look different? "Breathe with me, okay? Take slow, deep breaths." Frank did as he was told, unable to tear his gaze off Gerard. "Good. You're doing so good, Frankie. Just keep breathing." As Gerard spoke, something about his voice changed, the layered tones blending together until he sounded like himself again. He took Frank's hands in one of his own and pulled them away from his chest, setting them down on the sheets. "I'm sorry I did that," he whispered, "You weren't breathing and I didn't know what else to do, and-" Frank pressed a finger to his lips, feeling the last of Gerard's power wear off. The hyperventilating left him feeling dizzy, and he rested his forehead on his shoulder. Frank didn't have the strength to think about anything other than breathing. 

"It's okay," he rasped, curling into his lap. "I need to see Charlotte."

"Are you sure, I-" Frank sat up and kissed his forehead, keeping their faces close so he could whisper. 

"Gee, I'm okay." He kissed the tip of his nose and gave him a soft smile. "I love you."

"Can I try something?" Frank nodded, and Gerard pressed a slow kiss to his jaw, just under his ear. "Let me know if you need me to stop." He kissed him again, slightly lower this time and whisper soft. Frank sucked in a breath but pressed closer, tilting his head to give him better access. Gerard continued, pressing slow, soft kisses along his jaw and neck. About halfway down he must've hit a bruise, because the dull ache turned to pain and he yelped. Gerard pulled away, studying his face. “I'm sorry, I—”

Frank nodded, holding up a hand. “I'm okay,” He rasped, "Make me some coffee?" His voice had become even more sore now and there was a slight throb in his throat. He got up, pressing a kiss to Gerard’s lips before going to find his cousin.

Charlotte was reading in bed, Trevor asleep next to her. She looked up as Frank walked in and smiled. 

"How're you feeling?" Frank shrugged and sat down next to her, leaning into her side. "I won't let what happened to me happen to you. After what happened, Trevor's family took me in. I know you're not exactly a kid anymore, but if you ever need anything, we'll be there." Frank smiled up at her, his throat hurting too much to speak. Charlotte wrapped an arm around his shoulders and glanced down at her husband, brushing her free hand through his hair. "Gerard really loves you, and if he's anything like what Trevor is for me, he'll get you through this. Even if he has to drag you through it."

"I love him too," he murmured, his voice sounding like sandpaper. On the other side of Charlotte, Trevor sat up, his hair in his face. He put his chin on Charlotte's shoulder and blinked slowly at her, smiling. 

"Hey Puddin," she cooed, kissing his hair. "God, you need a haircut." Frank snorted, noticing dark lines on the inside of her wrist. He grabbed it and stared at it, then glanced back at her. "We got them done last year," she said, grabbing Trevor's arm and holding it up next to hers. Charlotte's tattoo looked like a random scribble at first glance, but held against Trevor's,  _ "couple's tattoos are dumb" _ in Charlotte's handwriting, Frank could see it was the same phrase, just in his messy scrawl. Frank grinned, unable to speak once again, and flashed them a thumbs up.

Trevor pulled his arm back and snuggled into Charlotte's side, which Frank took as his cue to leave. He gave a wave to the couple and wandered into the kitchen, where Gerard was making coffee and Ethan sat at the table, working his way through a bagel. Frank sat down next to him and stole his bagel, taking a bite before Ethan could grab it back. 

"Dude! Get your own fuckin' food!" Frank stuck out his tongue and Ethan laughed, holding up his middle finger. "You feeling alright?" Frank made an okay symbol with his hand and leaned back in his chair, blowing the hair out of his eyes. Ethan nodded and returned to his bagel. 

“Ethan, language,” Gina teased, raising an eyebrow as she walked into the room. He rolled his eyes and leaned back as she moved forward to kiss Frank’s head and run a hand through his hair. “How’s your throat, dear?”

“Hurts, still,” Frank managed to rasp. “I can talk now.”

“Frankie…” he heard Gerard’s voice from behind him and he looked over to see his boyfriend. He smiled at him and Gerard put a hand on his shoulder. “You need to rest your voice, dearest.”

Frank nodded, leaning back into his boyfriend. He looked up at Gerard and mouthed ‘I love you,’ before Gina looked back at Frank to ask a question.

“Were you just with Charlotte and Trevor?” she asked. Frank nodded and she smiled and went on, “Was he asleep?” Frank nodded and she chuckled to herself. “That boy,” she said, crossing her arms. “I swear, if he wasn't with Charlotte he'd never wake up.”

"Ah, the number of times I've been late to school 'cause I couldn't wake him up in time…" Ethan sighed. 

Gerard poured out four cups of coffee and set one in front of each of them, holding onto one for himself. He stood behind Frank and rested a hand on his shoulder, his thumb rubbing circles in the muscle. Frank reached up and curled his fingers around Gerard's.

Charlotte came in, half carrying Trevor, who still had his face pressed into her shoulder. 

"How the hell you put up with him is beyond me," Ethan said to her, grinning and she pushed Trevor off of her shoulder and handed him his glasses.

"He's cute, I don't have to put up with him." She poured him a cup of coffee and leaned on the counter. "So we go back to Boston today, is there anything you guys want to do before?"

"I have to pick up our stuff, but other than that I just want to get him out of here," Gerard said, squeezing Frank's hand. Frank nodded and Charlotte grimaced, ticking Gerard's request on her fingers. 

"We can stop and pick it up when we leave. Anything else?"

"I'd love to hear about how you two met," Gina said, "We have to talk before you go." Frank nodded again, a soft smile growing on his face. 

"So tell me everything," Gina said, smiling as they sat down across from her. 

"We met early October, I'm pretty sure I almost scared him away," Gerard sighed, squeezing Frank's hand. Frank pulled out his phone and typed out a few sentences before handing it to her. _I had a hard time processing my feelings. Hooray Catholicism. I walked into him one night and he bought me coffee and gave me his number with a puzzle. I spent a week trying to figure it out and during that time Ray helped me realize that I could do whatever the hell I wanted with my love life._ When she finished reading she handed him his phone back, smiling. "I'm an artist, and I had an art show about a week or so after we met, and I asked him if I could paint him for it. I have to say it was and probably will always be my best piece." _Some rich dude offered to buy it for almost a hundred thousand dollars and he turned it down. I'm pretty sure I fell in love right then._ Gerard watched as he typed it out, pressing a kiss to his temple. "I don't think I could ever part with it," he murmured, "Especially for something so low as a hundred thousand. You're worth so much more than that." _I love you_ , Frank mouthed, brushing a hand down his cheek. 

"You two are so sweet. I'm glad Frank finally has someone."

"Hey guys," Charlotte called, "We gotta leave soon if we're gonna beat rush hour." 

Frank nodded, feeling Gerard squeeze around his waist. He missed Ray and his apartment, bur Charlotte was right. It was so much safer to just go to Boston. His parents couldn't get to him there, it was far where New York was only a half hour from New Jersey. So he said goodbye to Trevor’s family and they went in the car to make their way for Gerard to pick up Frank's stuff.

Gerard came back in the car, tossing his and Frank’s bags in the trunk of his car before sitting next to Frank, his face white and eyes wide.

“What did they do to you?” Frank rasped, coughing from the ache in his throat when he spoke.

“They didn't  _ do  _ anything, per se, it was what she  _ said _ ,” Gerard said, his voice quiet and airy. “When I knocked the door, only your mom was there. I don't think your dad was in the house. Sh-she handed me the bags and I mean she practically  _ shoved them  _ at me. Then she just said, ‘Your drawings of him are beautiful,’ before slamming the door in my face. I genuinely don't understand what just happened.”

“She’s not wrong,” Frank said, a cough following. 

“Dearest, please be careful,” Gerard said. “Just… just try not to talk if you don't need to.” Frank just sighed and cranked up the radio, drumming on the car the entire time.

It had been awhile since Frank had been in Boston. He didn't go often, but he wished he did now because he missed his cousin and it was far from his family. His terrible, horrible family. He took Gerard’s hand and dragged him inside of Charlotte and Trevor’s house, taking him to the living room and just collapsing on the couch, holding his boyfriend. These past few days had been absolutely exhausting and he just needed to sleep.

Gerard shifted so he was laying on his back and pulled Frank into his stomach, his arms draped over his back. Frank curled his fingers in the fabric of Gerard's shirt, snuggling into his chest. It wasn't the most comfortable, but he felt safe and was exhausted enough he fell asleep in minutes.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so late and it's really short and mostly filler but mostly cuz neither of us had any fucking idea what to do here, but I think it's still pretty good  
> Shout-out to Honestmouse for getting us out of a scene we'd been stuck in for a week, you're awesome :)  
> Please leave a comment, we love hearing your thoughts <3
> 
> ~Raven

###  Frank

Frank woke to a tongue on his cheek and opened his eyes to see Gus's nose in his face, his front paws on the edge of the couch. 

"Hey, no, leave him alone, he's trying to sleep." Trevor grabbed the dog and pulled him away, prompting Frank to reach for him with a groan. His throat was burning, not as much as yesterday, but still enough to keep him from saying anything more. Trevor laughed and sat down in front of him, holding the dog in his lap. "Did you sleep alright?" Frank nodded slightly and pressed a finger to his lips before pointing to Gerard, who was still asleep beneath him. Trevor nodded and lowered his voice. "We'll get you guys a bed today so you don't have to sleep on the couch again." 

Frank gave a thumbs up and rested his chin on Gerard's chest, staring at his face. His hands rested on the small of Frank's back, fingers woven together. 

Trevor let Gus go and stood up, ruffling Frank's hair before moving to the kitchen. 

Frank watched Gerard sleep for another moment, taking in his features, smooth and young. Eternally twenty five. Frank shifted so their faces were even and kissed him, once on each corner of his mouth and the tip of his nose. Gerard's eyes flickered open and a soft smile formed on his face. 

"Hey Frankie," he murmured, reaching up to cup Frank's cheek. "You feeling alright?" Frank nodded, leaning into his touch. "Were you okay sleeping here?" He nodded again and leaned down, capturing his lips in a kiss. 

“How'd you sleep?” Frank rasped, his voice barely louder to a whisper. Gerard immediately held a finger to his lips, shushing his boyfriend before smiling at him. 

“Good. I always sleep well with you,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to his lover’s mouth. “I love you.”

Frank smiled, kissing him yet again as a response. It wasn't long before barking interrupted the moment, from just outside the room. Charlotte’s feeding the dogs, he thought. When you've got five dogs it's gotta feel like a zoo. And with the two of them on the couch, it wasn't a surprise.

“You up, Frankie?” Charlotte called into the room, poking her head in briefly. She saw the couple awake, laying on each other and smiled. “Cuties.” 

Frank blushed and hid his face in Gerard's shoulder, not wanting to get up just yet. Gerard chuckled and gave him a little push to get him to sit up. 

"I just want to look at your neck, okay?" Frank nodded and shifted so he could sit up, his legs wrapped around Gerard's waist. Gerard held a hand to the back of his neck and ran his thumb down the front of his throat. “They're a little darker now…” 

Frank mouthed ‘Fuck,’ and leaned back into the couch. Gerard cocked his head in confusion and he went to mouth, ‘Trevor.’

“What about him?” Frank blew a strand of hair out of his eyes and grabbed his phone. He typed something up before showing it to his boyfriend.  _ When Charlotte attempted. She tried to hang herself. He can't handle neck bruising, it fucks him up. _ “Oh…” Gerard murmured, his eyes wide. “Well, you were talking to him before I got up, weren't you? And he didn't notice then? Maybe he's better.”

Frank shrugged. He rubbed his eyes, practically tossing himself back on Gerard, kissing his shoulder softly. Charlotte walked into the room with two cups of coffee for the couple with a smile on her face when she saw their position.

“You  _ two!”  _ she squealed, handing Frank his mug. “Ugh, I miss that honeymoon stage.” Frank laughed out a strangled chuckle as if to tease,  _ You gonna say that to Trevor’s face? _ She rolled her eyes, slapping his arm softly. “You know what I mean, asshole. Just ‘cause you two have so much to experience together still. We've been together since I was 15, ya know? Ten years with that loser and some of the excitement goes away. Not that I don't love him, it's just normal now. I can expect it.”

Frank nodded and Gerard smiled at her. “Ten years, though. That's really beautiful.”

"I genuinely can't see myself with anyone else," she sighed, "How're you feeling Frankie?" Frank shrugged. 

"It's better than yesterday," he rasped, "I could use some tea or something though. And get out of these clothes." He glanced down at his outfit, the same clothes he'd been wearing for the last two days. 

"You guys go get your bags, I'll make you some tea." Frank nodded and Gerard grabbed his keys, handing Frank's jacket to him before opening the door. 

"I'm not letting you go out without a coat again, even if it's only for a few moments," he insisted. Frank sighed but pulled it on anyway, tugging the collar up to cover his neck. "You could wear a scarf," Gerard suggested, "Or a turtleneck." Frank shrugged, hugging the jacket closer to himself. He hadn't seen the bruises yet, he made a point to not look at the mirror when he was in the bathroom. He didn't know what to expect, and he wasn't sure how he'd take to actually seeing what had happened. "Hey, Frankie, we'll just get our bags and then we can figure something out, okay? I've got some makeup in my bag, we can cover the bruises up if you want." 

He brushed his thumb across Frank's cheek and took his hand, pulling him to the car. Frank grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, casting a glance around the interior for anything that might've fallen out. He spotted one of Gerard's pencils under the seat and tucked it into his pocket then closed the door. 

Frank sat on the bathroom floor, twirling Gerard's pencil and staring at the pile of clothes he'd just taken off. He needed to shower, his clothes stank and his hair clung to his scalp, but he couldn't bring himself to stand. Standing would mean he could see himself. Could see the marks on his neck. 

"Frankie?" Gerard's voice sounded through the door. "Are you okay?" 

"'M not sure," Frank mumbled, putting the pencil down and drawing his knees to his chest. 

"I'm going to come in, okay?" He pushed the door open and closed it behind him, taking a seat next to Frank and brushing a hand through his hair. "What's wrong,  _ mon chéri?" _

"I don't want to see it." His voice sounded dull and flat, sounding bland even to his own ears. "I- I don't want to see what he did. I need to get into the shower... but I don't want to stand up."

"I'll help you. I'll stand in front of you and you just look at me." He moved so they were facing each other. "Don't take your eyes off mine, okay?" He pulled Frank's hands away from his knees and held them gently, guiding them to their feet. 

Frank glanced over his shoulder but Gerard drew his eyes back with a gentle hand on his cheek. 

"Just keep your eyes on mine, Dearest." Gerard led the few steps to the side until they both stood in the shower. "See, you made it." He smiled softly and Frank chuckled, suddenly very aware of his lack of clothing. He made a noise and held his hands over Gerard's eyes, blushing furiously. Gerard laughed, his hands closing around Frank's wrists. "This was going to happen eventually, you know," he teased, "but I'll get out of your hair. Give a shout if you need anything, okay?" Frank hummed, keeping one hand covering Gerard's face as he stepped out of the shower until he could pull the curtain in front of him. "Oh, and Frankie?" Frank stuck his head out from behind the curtain to see Gerard staring at him with a look that no actor, no matter how talented, could ever hope to replicate. So much love and adoration poured off of him in waves, making the whole room feel warmer. "For what it's worth, you're beautiful." 

Gerard had left Frank some fresh clothes, a pair of jeans and his favorite shirt. Frank pulled them on, keeping his eyes off the mirror. A knock came at the door before Gerard stepped in, fabric draped over his arm. 

"I brought you a scarf, if you want it." Frank nodded, and Gerard stepped closer, draping the fabric over his neck. He wrapped it loosely, just tight enough for the fabric to brush his skin. "I know you don't want to, but I think you should see it." His fingers hovered at the end of the scarf. 

"No, it's- it's okay. I think it's time." Gerard nodded and began unwinding the scarf, until it was simply draped over his shoulders. Frank closed his eyes and turned to face the mirror, leaning into Gerard. 

"I'm right here if you need me," He murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist. Frank opened his eyes and finally took himself in. 

Bruises stretched across his neck, ranging in color from red to purple to yellow. They started under his ears, quite thin, and got wider and darker the closer they got to his throat. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he'd been punched, dark rings around his eyes. He looked like a corpse. 

He didn't realize he was on the floor until Gerard pulled him onto his lap. He couldn't feel anything other than Gerard's arms wrapped around him. His ears were ringing and his vision blurred, he just sat there, staring blankly over Gerard's shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, it's okay…” Gerard murmured into his ear. “You're gonna be okay. I know it's a lot right now but it'll all be better in no time, my love.” He pulled back and cradled Frank's face, stroking his skin with the back of his fingers. "You're going to be okay, okay?"

Frank nodded slowly. He couldn't seem to get his voice to work. his eyes started to fill with tears and Gerard sighed softly, still brushing his fingers across his face. Gerard pressed a kiss to his forehead then pulled his back into a hug. 

"You're okay, my love," he murmured, "You're okay." Frank buried his face in his shoulder, letting the tears fall at last. It started slow, but then he couldn't stop. Gerard held him as he sobbed, his face pressed in the crook of his neck and his hands rubbing slow circles in his back. 

He just wanted to go home. To forget this ever happened. To go back to the morning they left and just stay there. Wrapped in blankets and Gerard's embrace, soft kisses peppered on his face. Did he even have a home anymore? His dorm room wasn't home, all he did was sleep there, and he barely even did that lately, and there was no way his parents would ever let him back in their house, except to maybe pack up his things. Gerard's apartment wasn't quite home either. He loved it there, but he always felt just out of place with all the things older than he could ever hope to be. Though it was always Gerard that made him feel safe. He could sleep anywhere as long as he knew Gerard was there, next to him. Even at his parents' house, where getting caught in the same bed with him could be dangerous, he still slept better with Gerard's fingers tracing shapes in his shoulders. 

"I love you," he choked out, pressing as close to Gerard as he could. "I love you so fucking much, Gee." Talking helped him calm down a little, helped him focus. He sat back and cradled Gerard's face. Gerard's hands shifted, one bracing the back of his neck, the other resting on his hip. "Thank you for being here, helping me. You're so sweet and cute and so fucking  _ gorgeous _ . I just want you to know that. You're beautiful and I love you." Gerard sat there for a moment, just staring at him with wonder in his eyes. 

"I love you too," he murmured, still starstruck, his fingers brushing through a single strand of Frank's hair. "Are you feeling better?" Frank nodded, brushing circles in Gerard's cheeks. "That's good." He kept his voice just above a whisper, as if he were afraid of spooking him. "Just be careful with your voice, okay?" Frank nodded again and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. He sighed and pulled the smaller boy into a kiss, his hands applying just the right amount of pressure to make Frank melt like butter in his arms. "Let's just go see if Charlotte's done with your tea."

Frank walked into the kitchen and almost immediately walked out. Trevor had Charlotte pinned against the wall, her hands up his shirt. 

Gerard was following him, but Frank grabbed his arm and dragged him away. 

"You don't want to be in there right now," he said. He angled his head toward the kitchen and shouted, "Hey guys, we're still here!" A crash echoed behind them, followed by Charlotte swearing. Frank poked his head back into the room to see that Charlotte had fallen over and Trevor had practically thrown himself across the room.

“I-I’m sorry,” Trevor said, his eyes wide. “It’s he-her seven years— seven years on estrogen today and I— and I kissed her and then—”

Frank held up a hand to stop him, coughing a few times before opening his mouth again. "It's cool man, I just wasn't expecting it, is all. Congrats though!" Charlotte grinned, pushing herself up onto the counter. 

"That's wonderful," Gerard said, his hand resting lightly on Frank's back. 

"Thanks Gee. We were celebrating when  _ someone  _ decided to interrupt us." She glared at Frank, who held up his hands. 

"You promised me tea," he said, "Not my fault you got distracted. I was just keeping you on track." 

Charlotte squeezed her husband's hand and held it up, a grin on her face as she looked back at Frank. “Well, still I think Trevor and I deserved a little fun.” She pressed a small peck to his nose. “Plus,  _ somebody _ was finally starting to get a little confident.” Trevor turned bright red and hid his face in his hands as Frank just groaned and laughed.

“You two are fucking disgusting, you know that right?” Frank chuckled, holding onto his boyfriend. 

"What, like you're not?" Charlotte gestured to their linked hands. "I genuinely can't remember the last time you two weren't touching." Frank snorted, which quickly turned into coughing, and he brought a hand up to massage his throat, wincing as he pressed on the bruises. Behind Charlotte, Trevor sucked in a breath and grabbed his wife's arm, his knuckles white. "Trev? What's wrong?" 

Trevor couldn't seem to speak, his eyes fixed on Frank's neck. Charlotte's face went white and she took Trevor's hand, gently prying it off her arm. 

"Trev, Honey, what is it?" He let out a strangled noise, his eyes flitting back and forth between Frank and Charlotte. "Oh… Trevor, it's okay. I'm right here, I'm okay." She took his hand and pushed it into her hair, holding it there. "I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Frank triple checked his scarf, wrapping it as tight as he could bear and making sure everything was covered. 

"Frankie, what happened back there?" Gerard gently touched his elbow, studying his face in the bathroom mirror. 

"Trevor… he had a really rough time with Charlotte's attempt. She... tried to hang herself behind our high school and he's the one who found her. He called me so many times in the middle of the night during her recovery 'cause he couldn't get the image of her out of his head. I didn't think about what the bruises could do to him until now." His voice was quiet and shaky, and Gerard's mouth fell open in a silent "oh." "He's been doing better lately, they've both been in therapy ever since, I just- I should've thought of it."

"Frankie," Gerard murmured, catching his chin and making their eyes meet. "There's no way you could've known what would happen." He brushed his knuckles down Frank's cheek in comforting strokes, calming the twisting in his stomach. "You can't blame yourself,  _ mon chéri _ ." Frank sighed and nodded, sinking into Gerard's arms. Gerard pulled him close, pressing his lips to the top of his head. They stood there for a minute, just holding each other, soaking in as much comfort as they could. 

Frank pulled away first, keeping his arms around Gerard's waist and staring up at his boyfriend's face. He didn't say anything, just stood there and relished the feeling of being so close to him, his gentle warmth driving out the pre-winter chill. He rubbed his eyes before going to make his way back to the kitchen, looking at himself in the mirror one last time to triple check his scarf. He wasn't about to fuck up again.

Once he walked in, clutching Gerard’s hand tightly he looked over to the couple. Trevor was leaning against the wall now, Charlotte’s hand resting on his thigh. Her brows were still furrowed, looking slightly worried and Frank squeezed his eyes shut before letting go of Gerard’s hand and moving forward.

“I'm so fucking sorry, Trevor…” he said. The blonde held up a hand and accepted a glass of water from his wife, cradling the vessel with trembling fingers.

“I’m okay,” he nearly whispered, “Just a shock, is all.” Charlotte sighed and moved her hand from his thigh to his hair, curling the wayward strands around her fingers. “How long do you plan on staying?”

“What day is it, Sunday?” Frank glanced back to Gerard, who nodded. “My classes start up again tomorrow, fuck. Just tonight then, I guess.” Trevor bobbed his head and took a tentative sip from his glass. “We can sleep on the couch again, I’d hate to put you through the trouble of putting up an air mattress just for one night.”

“Are you sure?” Charlotte tucked back her hair and got to her feet. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“It’s fine, we’re okay on the couch.” Charlotte nodded and pulled her husband to his feet. 

"It's not blisteringly cold yet, let's go walk around town," Trevor suggested, and Gerard's face lit up.

"There are a few places I've been meaning to go to for a while," he said, "I've been running low on some of my rarer paints." Frank let out a hum and nodded. The fresh air would be good for him.

Frank ran his fingers up and down Gerard's arm as they walked, simply absorbing everything around him. Charlotte pointed out various stores and restaurants, everyone else nodding politely as she rambled. When they had first gone out, Frank had kept glancing at the sky nervously, wondering if the sun would come out and force Gerard from his side, but now he had relaxed, one hand tucked in the crook of Gerard's elbow and the other tracing invisible lines on his upper arm. 

The November air was cold, but not unbearably so and it was soothing to the ache in Frank's throat.

"I haven't been here in decades," Gerard murmured, "So much has changed."

"How long ago was it?"

"The 40's? Yeah. It was quiet. Dirty. I didn't like it much, but I'm glad I'm back. I like it much better now." Frank hummed as he looked around, suddenly being reminded just how old Gerard was. Frank didn't even know people  _ born _ in the 40s, much less someone old enough to remember them as an adult. 

Frank's hand stilled, hanging limply at his side. Gerard glanced down at him, his bright golden eyes suddenly clouded over.

"Are you alright?" He stopped walking and turned to face him, his voice dripping with gentleness and concern. Frank nodded, forcing a smile on his face. "Frankie…" Frank glanced up at Trevor and Charlotte, who were far enough ahead that they wouldn't be able to hear them.

"Sometimes it just hits me how old you are," he muttered, "You were alive over a  _ century _ before I was born, and you'll still be here for centuries after I'm gone." He tried to keep his voice from shaking, but failed, his throat closing up. Gerard sighed and pulled him into a hug, holding his head to his chest and rubbing comforting circles in his back. "I don't want you to forget me."

"I could never forget you. I won't make you join me, but I'll always love you." Frank pulled back to look in his eyes. 

"How can you know?" He sounded rough, even to himself, and Gerard pressed their foreheads together, bracing the back of his neck. 

"I love you. I love you so fucking much. I cannot imagine a world in which I don't love you. I may have existed before loving you, but I wasn't  _ alive _ . You-"

"Hey! You guys coming?" Charlotte had stopped and was staring at them with her hands on her hips. Gerard held up a hand and pulled Frank into a slow kiss, the action achingly gentle.

"I love you Frankie," he whispered. 

"I love you too." Frank found himself chasing Gerard's mouth, not wanting to leave the little bubble they had created for themselves. Gerard laughed and pressed a finger to his lips, taking his hand and spinning him around and then back into his arms. In the distance, Charlotte let out a groan, and Frank flipped her off, letting Gerard walk him up to the others. 

"God, finally. We do have things to do, you know."

"Fuck off, I was just trying to have a nice moment with my  _ boyfriend _ ," Frank moaned, leaning into Gerard with a scowl. 

"This is revenge for earlier," she teased, "Not so fun, now is it?" Frank scowled and flipped her off.

"Point taken."

After a few hours the sun had started to come out, so Frank said he wasn't feeling well and they left Charlotte and Trevor at Quincy Market. As they made their way back to the apartment, the shadows darkened, until eventually Gerard was forced to open his umbrella and stay in them as much as he could. 

"You didn't have to do that, you know," he murmured, glancing over at Frank. "I would've been fine."

"We look out for each other, right?" He tightened his grip on Gerard's arm. "You could've gotten hurt."

"I love you." He pressed a kiss to Frank's temple, then pulled out his phone and checked the time. "You should eat, it's nearly five and you've only had coffee all day." His fingers sifted through Frank's hair and he pulled him into the kitchen. "You have to take care of yourself,  _ mon chéri _ ."

"Why would I when I have you to take care of me?" Frank crooned, placing his hands on Gerard's hips, pulling them together. Gerard sighed and draped his arms over Frank's shoulders. 

"You're insufferable."

"You love it."

"Damn right I do." Frank grinned and pulled him into a kiss, sighing as Gerard pressed his hands to the small of his back.

They stood in the kitchen, kissing until Gerard pulled away, pressing a finger to Frank's lips. 

"You need to eat." He pried Frank's hands off him and grabbed a box of takeout from the fridge. 

"What about you?" 

"Hmm?"

"When was the last time you… fed?" Gerard froze, his gaze fixed on something Frank couldn't see.

"I'm okay," he said after a moment, his voice flat.

"Are you sure? Because if you ever need to-" He paused, at a loss for what to say, and motioned vaguely to his neck. "I- I trust you." Gerard's face softened, a small smile twitching at his lips. 

"I'm okay, Frankie. I'll eat when we get home. Thank you." Frank nodded, and blush creeping into his cheeks as he started to pick at the food Gerard set in front of him. 

Gerard had been right, he needed to eat. As soon as he got one bite down all of the hunger he'd been pushing down flooded his body, and he couldn't get it down fast enough.

"I told you," Gerard laughed, leaning on the counter and tapping Frank's nose as he glanced up. "You want anything to drink?"

"I'm alright." Gerard nodded as he finished and put away the dishes he'd used. "You wanna watch a movie?"

"Anything you want," He said. 

Gerard grabbed a blanket and settled onto the couch, opening his arms as Frank sat down next to him. Frank curled into his boyfriend's side, soaking in the warmth that radiated off of him. They flipped through the channels, eventually settling on some cheesy romcom with Paul Rudd.

Frank wasn't really paying attention to the movie, tracing shapes on Gerard's thigh and pressing as close as he could. A commercial started and Gerard hit mute, turning to Frank with an unreadable expression. 

"Frankie there's something I need to tell you." Frank tensed. "No, no, it's nothing bad. At least, I hope it isn't." He pushed his hands into Frank's hair, gently massaging his scalp. "You remember when I told you about Pete and Mikey? How they have this… bond?" He paused as Frank nodded, a smile growing in his eyes. "I was talking to them the other day, and I think we have the same thing." Frank's heart stopped. Gerard had said they were mates—destined to be together and a perfect fit in every way. If they were like that too… "No one is really sure how it works, but there are moments when- Fuck I don't even know how to describe it. Something happened on Thanksgiving, when your dad was-" He motioned to Frank's neck, and the smaller boy shuddered. "There was a second when I could feel it too. I- I  _ was you _ for a second. That only happens with- with soulmates." 

Frank's mouth dropped open in a perfect O, before he grabbed Gerard's face and pulled their faces together.

_ Soulmates _ .


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for blood and slurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG PLEASE FORGIVE ME  
> A couple of announcements really quick:  
> School has started so updates will be slower on everything as well as comment replies depending on the time of day, but I will get to all of them, I promise!  
> This will be the last official chapter of this story, but there will be an epilogue out as soon as possible, after which the long awaited sequel to my other fic will be begun  
> I may post a one shot in this universe centered around Pete and Mikey if I ever actually finish it and get around to updating it
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for reading this, I hope you all had as much fun as I did, and to Harlem for coming up with practically half of the shit in here  
> Please double check the trigger warnings and leave a comment!  
> ~Raven

Frank

Frank couldn't stop smiling. The word kept bouncing around his head, occasionally rolling off his tongue, at which point he would kiss Gerard for the thousandth time that day. 

They were still on the couch, but the TV had long since been forgotten, some other movie now playing. Gerard had pulled Frank into his lap, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder and neck. He had explained how it worked in more detail, mostly drawing from Mikey's time with Pete, his hands drifting up and down Frank's body as he spoke. 

Soulmates.

Frank had never considered the possibility before, but maybe he'd just never had a reason to. He hadn't considered a lot of things before he had run into Gerard that night. 

"You've literally changed my life," he said, taking Gerard's hand. "You've shown me so many things I never thought I'd have."

"Like what?" Gerard murmured, his free hand brushing down his cheek.

"Well for one thing, I never thought I'd fall in love with anyone, much less a guy. And last year if you'd told me that vampires and soulmates existed I would have said you were crazy. And here I am, with you. So in love that sometimes it's hard to think straight. And I'm happy." He turned to meet Gerard's eyes, cupping his face. "I'm so fucking happy, being with you and being myself. I've never had this before, and I am so. Fucking. Glad. You asked me to coffee." 

Gerard's mouth hung open for a second, but before he could say anything the door opened to reveal Charlotte and Trevor, their arms laden with bags. Gerard glanced over at them, then back at Frank, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, the sensation lingering long after he had pulled away. 

"I swear to God if you fucked on my couch," Charlotte said, pointing a can of whipped cream at them like it was a sword.

"We didn't, I swear," Frank insisted, "We've both been fully clothed this entire time." Charlotte raised an eyebrow but turned back to the bags she was unpacking, shaking her head. 

Gerard dragged a finger down Frank's spine, bringing his attention back to him and pulling him into a kiss. Gerard's fingers held onto his chin, just tight enough to keep him there. Distantly, Frank heard Charlotte chuckle and felt her hand ruffle his hair. This was nice, he was here, surrounded by people who loved him, in the arms of the man he loved more than anything. Safe. Happy.

They watched a movie that night, a Gene Simmons movie about Frankenstein, which Frank actually managed to pay attention to without Gerard pressing constant kisses to his cheek. He was laughing almost the entire time, and by the time it ended he was wide awake, but Gerard insisted he sleep.

"You're still healing," He pressed. "You need all the sleep you can get." Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank's waist and laid down, pulling him onto his chest.

"Alright fine, but you can't get fidgety on me when it takes you longer to fall asleep." 

"Hush my Love, just sleep. We have to drive home tomorrow and you've got homework to do." Frank sighed and relaxed into Gerard's chest, adjusting the blanket that Charlotte had just tossed over them.

"I love you," He murmured, curling his fingers into Gerard's shirt like he had the night before.

"I love you too, now go to sleep." Gerard traced lazy circles on his back, the motion slowly washing away the last of his energy, and he let himself sink into sleep.

Frank woke up still on top of Gerard, the fingers brushing through hair sending shivers down his spine. He could hear them talking, Gerard's voice rumbling through his chest. 

"Morning Frankie," Gerard crooned, moving his hand from Frank's hair to his face. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," he groaned, "Ready to go home." Gerard hummed and helped him sit up. He pressed a kiss to his temple as Frank massaged his sore throat. 

"We can leave soon if you want, but you need to eat first, okay?" 

"Yeah."

"Come here." Gerard pulled Frank into a hug, holding him close, and Frank felt a wave of calm wash over him, sinking into Gerard's body. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered.

Frank didn't end up eating much aside from a bagel and some coffee, too drained in more ways than one to pay attention to anything. He glanced over at Gerard a couple times, catching him staring at the bruises peeking over the scarf with sad eyes. Each time Frank caught him he'd bring his eyes down to his hands, the tips of his ears blushed pink. 

The place was subdued as they packed their things. Frank didn't exactly feel like talking, and no one pushed him, joining him with their own silence. Even the dogs were quiet, following at Frank's heels with those wide eyes of theirs. 

They left around one, Charlotte hugging him for a solid minute before she let them go. 

"Please be careful with them," she said, her hands like vices on Frank's shoulders. She glanced over his head at Gerard. "Take care of him. Please." Frank turned to see Gerard nod slowly, his face solemn. 

They held hands as they drove, neither willing to break contact to bother with the radio. Again, Frank caught Gerard staring at the bruises through the mirror. 

"You don't have to keep doing that, you know," he said when they got onto the highway. "Staring at me like I'm already dead. I'm still here and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon." Gerard sighed shakily, and something about it reminded Frank just how old he was. 

"I know. Believe me, I do. But you almost died."

"But I didn't." Gerard pulled his eyes off the road to fix him with a stare, and for the first time since they met, he looked old. His face was still young, smooth and clean and beautiful, but his eyes were sad and tired. 

"You could have." He broke the stare, taking a deep breath he didn't need before continuing. "Human life, your life, is so fragile. You can be here one moment, perfectly healthy and alive, and gone the next, hit by a car or pushed too far in a fight or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I had been just a few seconds slower you wouldn't be here. And it would be my fault." Gerard didn't take his eyes off the road, his knuckles white on the wheel. "I couldn't have even turned you," he whispered, "Because you would've already been dead."

Frank sat speechless, Gerard's words echoing in his head. 

"You don't have to protect me Gerard, you can't. Things happen. Good or bad, we can't stop it, we just help each other through it." He pried Gerard's hand off the steering wheel, stroking his fingers across the smooth skin. "You've been so sweet and helpful lately, and I really appreciate it, but you don't need to hover over me. You said it yourself, I’m human. And hey, you found me a second time, what’s stopping you from finding me again?”

“I don’t wanna think about that,” Gerard practically whispered, holding Frank’s hand to his chest. “The thought of losing you again makes me nauseous. I don’t wanna focus on that. You’re alive now. We’re together now. Let’s focus on that.”

“Plus Charlotte might murder you if something happened to me,” Frank added teasingly, his head resting on Gerard’s shoulder. 

Gerard nodded. “Probably.” Frank closed his eyes, snuggling into his side. Somehow, despite being a literal vampire, Gerard was so warm. That was the opposite of what shit like Twilight told him about vampires. But Frank wasn’t complaining. He felt warm and safe. He felt like home. More home than he ever felt with his parents at least. He had found his safe haven, his love, his favorite person. Frank never knew he could feel so safe.

November 28th

I can’t even find the words to express how I feel right now, so much has happened the past few days. I almost lost the love of my life again, confirmed he is in fact my soulmate… Too much has been happening. I hope things can go back to normal soon, or at the very least as normal as they’re able. Frank I don’t think will ever be truly back to normal. He went through a lot of emotion… He lost a lot too. Most of his family to be exact.

I hope I can be somewhat of a comfort to him right now. I imagine it’s very difficult for him. I hope he doesn’t dwell on it too much though, I would hate to see it consume him. He truly deserves all the happiness in the world and I’m going to give it to him if I can. I’m going to do what I can to make this easier for him. I love him so much. I love him more than my life itself. Now I can see I love him more than I ever loved Thomas while he was alive.

And that’s not to say I didn’t love Thomas, in another life we might’ve had something beautiful. In a life where I wasn’t a vampire. But I’m not in that life so it’s better not to think about it. I’m in a life with Frank. Thomas is long gone, Frank is now. Frank didn’t hide me from his family. In fact, Frank lost his family because he loved me. Thomas would never have done that, he was too scared. He was horrified by the repercussions. Even in the privacy of our own home, he would refrain from affection a lot of the time. He seemed to have an irrational fear somebody was watching us at all times. Or maybe it was just the Catholic guilt and homophobia. 

That’s enough about Thomas though, he’s been dead for over 100 years. It’s about time I got over him. I am over him, I’ve been over him since I met Frank. Frank who lights up my life and completes me. It makes me want to go back to my diaries from back when Thomas originally had died in the 1960s, not long after Mikey met Pete. I want to tell myself everything will be alright. You’ll meet a lovely boy in the 2000s who will love you more wholly than he ever had. He will quite possibly teach you what love should feel like. And you’ll find out he’s your soulmate through a near death experience that makes you realize you want to spend forever with him. Truly, I would turn him in a second if he asked. But he still does have people who love him. Ray and Charlotte and Trevor. He’d have to isolate himself and watch them age and die from afar. That’s the last thing I’d wish upon him. So while he’s alive, I’ll let him know. I love him so much. I’ll love him forever.

Frank

“So… do you know if they’re coming to find you?” Frank had tried to explain to Ray what had happened on Thanksgiving, but it was hard for him to choke out more than a few words about it. He had finally, after a good 20 minutes of struggle, managed to tell him what happened. 

“I hope not,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around himself. He had forced Gerard to go home to calm down but now he very much regretted that. He missed his touch, he wanted Gerard to hold him. Maybe he even would have explained it to Ray better, actually able to get some words out.

Ray sighed. “You know what, we’re not having you answer any doors. I don’t care if it’s Charlotte or Gerard, I’m getting any calls or people for you. Just to keep you safe, if your dad did that, I don’t know what he’ll do if he gets his hands on you again. Especially if he gets you alone.”

Frank nodded. “I don’t wanna think about it.” He tossed himself back, laying on his pillow and staring at the ceiling, carding his fingers through his overgrown hair, the black fading out into the chocolate brown roots. His hair hadn’t been this long since high school when he had grown it out for some punk girl to piss off his parents. At least it had worked though. "At least they're off my back now."

"Yeah." They sat in silence for a while, Frank picking at the fluff of his blankets. "I want to get to know him. Gerard. We haven't spent much time together and I feel like I should know him better."

"When's the next night you have off? Tuesday, right? We could go to that bar you like on 5th." 

"Yeah, that works," Ray said, scrolling through his calendar, "I just want to get to know him" Frank nodded and pulled out his phone, texting their plans to him, a flutter of happiness growing in his chest. 

Gerard responded quickly and seemed pretty excited, to Frank’s amusement. 

“He’s cool with it,” said Frank with a grin. “Well, I guess you're getting to know Gerard better soon. He's the most wonderful person I've ever met, you're gonna love him.”

“I bet,” said Ray with a smile. “I don't see how I wouldn’t, he makes you so happy.”

Frank smiled, looking at the words on the screen. Gerard was such a sweetheart, he made him so happy. Even after all the bullshit he had gone through with his family. Maybe things were finally going to start working out for him.

Tuesday couldn't come soon enough, and when it did, Frank stood in front of his mirror, running his hands through his hair nervously, scrutinizing every detail of his face. He grabbed his phone and shoved his headphones in his ears. Why was he so nervous about this? Gerard had seen him at his absolute worst, the only thing different now was that Ray would be there. 

He turned up the music anyway, dancing around a little as Black Flag flooded his senses. He closed his eyes and let the music wash over him, dancing around more as he felt the nerves drain from his body.

He spun around and crashed into something, opening his eyes to see Gerard's face hovering over his own. He let out a soft squeak and wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist, breathing in the scent that lingered on his clothes.

"Hey," Gerard laughed, "I missed you too, mon chéri." He tipped Frank's chin up and gave him a quick kiss before stepping back and offering his hand to Ray. "We've met before, but…" 

"Thanks for being there for him," Ray said, shaking his hand. "God knows he needs it."

"I'm still here you know," Frank reminded them, grabbing his boyfriend's arm. "Now come on, let's go before the traffic gets worse."

Frank couldn't let go of Gerard's hand, keeping their fingers loosely intertwined and held to his chest or mouth. Something about not being around him the last couple days made him desperate for any contact he could get. Gerard didn't protest, just smiling softly when he caught his eye. 

"I love you," he whispered, tucking away a stray strand of Frank's hair. 

"Love you too." Ray watched them from the other side of the table, his hands wrapped around a glass. 

"So you've got a brother?" Gerard tore his eyes away from Frank to focus on Ray, keeping their hands linked.

"Yeah, Mikey. He's a couple years younger than me. We've got an apartment a few blocks off the campus." Frank didn't really pay attention after that, everything Gerard was saying he already knew. Instead choosing to focus on Gerard’s presence and the ambiance of the bar.

They were sitting near to the bar itself, the raucous of the sports fans almost drowning out the quiet voices next to him. Frank found himself leaning on Gerard’s shoulder, almost half asleep somehow. Gerard's head rested on his as he talked, and Frank could feel his voice resonating through his skull. Gerard laughed a little and he tuned back into the conversation.

"He will step on your feet, you're better off avoiding dancing at all costs," Ray was saying, and Frank couldn't help but snort. "What? It's true, you're a terrible dancer. I'm pretty sure you almost made that girl's toes bleed at prom."

"I can’t slow dance for shit, sure,” Frank conceded, sitting up and straightening his shirt. “But anything else I’m alright with, or at least I’d like to think so.”

“I guess that’s something we’ll have to test sometime,” Gerard teased, his eyes glittering.

“I guess we will.” He found himself leaning in, his eyes drinking in every detail of Gerard’s body. The light from the bar bouncing off his eyes, his arm draped over the back of Frank’s chair, the way his lips were just a little bit chapped and parted just so. God, he was gorgeous. 

“Guys.” Gerard pulled away, the space between them still crackling with electricity. Ray shifted in his seat as Frank cleared his throat, his cheeks flushing as the waitress approached with their food.

"I'm just gonna go wash my hands real quick," he murmured, pushing his chair in with shaking hands.

The bathroom was empty, and Frank washed his hands as quickly as he could, splashing a bit of water on his face to wake himself up. Falling asleep in a restaurant as a grown man was not the way he wanted to be remembered. He was about to leave and return to the table when a couple guys walked in, their loud conversation dying as Frank shoved past them. 

"Hey! Watch where you're going, fag!" Frank flinched a little at the slur, but kept his face fairly neutral. No use giving them any more ammunition. He turned and tried to leave, but one of the men grabbed his arm and pulled him back. An ice cold bolt of fear shot through his body as he squirmed, trying to wrench his arm away, but the man held firm.

"We're talkin' to you," he snarled, and Frank pulled his arm away with a jerk, stumbling back. 

"Look, I'm sorry man, but I've friends waiting for me…" His voice was shaking, why was it shaking? His voice died in his throat, the dull ache from his bruises returning.

"What, are you gonna go get your little boyfriend? Can't fight your own fights, huh." 

"What the fuck do you want from me?"

Gerard

Something was wrong. Frank was taking a while in the bathroom, and while that wasn't something to worry about in itself, something in the pit of Gerard's stomach felt off. Maybe it was residual anxiety from Thanksgiving, he reasoned, he'd been on edge ever since Frank had gotten hurt, Frank would be out in a minute.

"Don't you think it's been a while?" Ray asked, and something violent twisted in Gerard's stomach. "He said he was only going to wash his hands."

"I'm going to go check on him." He stood up and Ray did the same, casting a worried glance toward the bathroom.

"I'll come with you."

Gerard twisted the hem of his shirt, walking as fast as he could to the bathroom. When they were just outside Gerard caught the faint echoes of something hitting something else, and he abandoned all pretenses of normality.

He pushed open the door and froze as he took in the scene. 

He watched in horror as a man buried his fist in Frank's stomach, as the flash of silver was pulled from his pocket, as it was embedded in his gut.

Gerard couldn't see anything other than the agony on Frank's face. Couldn't hear anything other than the scream that was torn from his lips. Every inch of him was in agony as he rushed forward, no longer frozen in place.

He tore the men off Frank and pulled him into his lap, pressing his hand in an attempt to slow the bleeding.

There were tears on his face, on both of their faces, and Gerard barely registered the fact that his phone was ringing until Ray's hand shoved into his pocket. He didn't hear what he said. The only thing that mattered was Frank, was the blood seeping through his fingers, was Frank's fingers brushing his cheek.

It was only a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime before Ray collapsed across from him and replaced Gerard's hands with his own, paper towels pressed to the hole in Frank's abdomen. Frank cried out at the pressure, the noise tearing Gerard's heart in two.

This couldn't be happening. He had just gotten him back. He was so young. This had to be some horrible nightmare. Any moment now he'd wake up in his bed with Frank in his arms. Safe. Not bleeding out.

The crimson on his hands began to dry and crack as he paused to push the hair out of Frank's eyes, unable to say a word. He opened his mouth to try and say something, anything, but his throat betrayed him and all that came out was a strangled croak.

A hand grabbed his shoulder, pulling him from the depths of his grief. Mikey.

"You still have time to save him," he pressed, "If you can't bring yourself to do it I will. I won't let you go through that again." He glanced away from Gerard, to someone he couldn't see, saying something he couldn't hear. He caught one word. "Police." Mikey looked back at him, fixing him with a cold stare. How was he so calm? Could he not see that the entire world was imploding? "Are you going to do it?"

"Tell him first," he managed to croak out, "I won't do it if he doesn't want it." Mikey told Frank, who was struggling to keep his eyes open, and in the moments before he responded time came to a halt.

Frank stared up at him, those lovely green eyes betraying every ounce of agony, no matter how he tried to hide it. Streaks of blood peeked out of his hairline from where Gerard's fingers had brushed his skin, harshly marring his beautiful features.

Gerard couldn't lose him. Not again. Not after all this time. He cast a worried glance at Ray, whose hands were completely covered in blood. He seemed to be focussing all of his attention on the wound, barely acknowledging Mikey's presence in the room. Frank opened his mouth and grunted out two words.

"Do it."

Gerard pushed his sleeve up, hesitating for a moment before letting his fangs slide out and burying them in his wrist. He held his arm over Frank's mouth, watching as the blood dripped onto his lips. There was a steady flow for a few seconds before his skin started to heal over, and Frank licked his lips before swallowing, his face twisting a little at the taste.

He would be okay. No matter what happened, he would be okay.

Frank grabbed Gerard's freshly healed wrist and pressed a soft kiss to the fading scar, keeping a rapidly weakening grip on his hand. 

The tears started to flow again as Gerard leaned down to kiss his forehead, keeping their skin touching as long as he could, listening to Frank's heartbeat. 

Slowing.

Stopping.

An hour. He just had to wait an hour and Frank would come back to him. Mikey let him sit for a moment, before suggesting they take him back to their apartment. Gerard nodded slightly, gathering Frank’s body in his arms. Mikey explained that Pete had gotten them access to the back door and pulled the car around, grabbing Gerard and Ray’s arms to guide them. The other man hadn’t said a word since he had gotten off the phone, his eyes fixed on the rapidly drying blood that covered his fingers. Mikey pulled them to the car and helped them get into the backseat, climbing into the passenger’s seat as Pete started the car.

Mikey

Mikey watched Gerard through the mirrors, taking in every detail of his carefully blank expression. If he let anything through the cracks he'd break. Mikey knew that feeling all too well. Pete glanced over at him and took his hand, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. The knot that had formed in his chest loosened a little, but he kept his eyes on Gerard.

"What the hell is going on here?" Ray's voice cut through the heavy silence like a knife. "Why aren't we going to a hospital? Or the police? What the hell did you do to him, what was that blood thing?" He sounded near hysterics, his voice shaking and high. Gerard didn't seem to have heard, all his attention on Frank.

"He'll be okay in an hour or two," Pete murmured, his grip on Mikey's hand vice-like.

"How? He's-"

"He'll be okay." Pete pulled into the lot of their building and gave Mikey's hand a gentle squeeze before getting out of the car and opened the door for Gerard. Mikey got out and helped Ray out of the backseat.

"He's going to be okay," Mikey said, and Ray nodded slowly, despite still looking skeptical.

Gerard set Frank down in his bed, only leaving his side to shower and change. As the only one not covered in blood, Pete offered to go get some fresh clothes for Ray, which left him and Mikey sitting awkwardly on the couch.

"So," Ray swallowed, "Can you tell me what's actually happening right now, and also who you are, because I'm pretty sure we've never met before." Mikey let out a short laugh, sliding the zipper of his hoodie up and down nervously. He knew Pete had to leave and Gerard wasn't in any shape to leave Frank's side, but that didn't make it any better, being left alone with a stranger.

"I'm Mikey, Gerard's brother, Pete's my boyfriend." There. One sentence out. That wasn't so hard. "I don't really know how to explain what's going on, but Frank's going to be okay. Pete'll be able to explain it better than I can, I'll make sure he tells you when he gets back." Ray nodded, falling silent again. He picked at the blood still under his nails. Mikey squirmed in his seat, getting up from the couch and pacing the room. 

Pete walked in with a bag over his shoulder, his brow furrowing as he saw Mikey pacing. He tossed the bag to Ray, along with the keys he'd borrowed to get into the dorm.

"I grabbed you some jeans and a new shirt, you're welcome to take a shower if you need to," he said, and Ray nodded, taking the bag to the bathroom. Pete watched him for a second then turned to Mikey, cupping his cheek. "I'm sorry you got anxious, Darling," he murmured, his thumbs tracing the outline of Mikey's mouth. "Is there anything I can do?"

"This is good." Pete grinned and pulled him into a kiss, sliding one hand up to curl in his hair. Mikey pulled back and scooped his arm under Pete's legs, picking him up in one smooth motion and drawing a giggle from his lips. He carried Pete over to their chair and sat down, moving his arm so it held Pete's legs from the top rather than the bottom. "This is better," he murmured, running his hand down Pete's face. "Just hold me for a minute, my love."

Pete nodded and Mikey felt his arm wrap around his waist, pulling him into a hug. Mikey sighed happily and buried his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. Fifty years of this, of gentle touches and casual kisses, and he still had yet to get tired of anything. There was just always that wonderful feeling of “yes, this is where I should be,” when they were tangled around each other, fitting together like they were made for it.

"I love you," he whispered, like it was some deadly secret only for them. Pete opened his mouth but before he could say anything Ray walked out of the bathroom, wearing fresh clothes with his hair in damp curtains around his head. "You need to tell him," Mikey murmured next to Pete's ear, not yet ready to pull away completely. "He's going to keep asking until you do." Pete nodded, shifting so he could see Ray better, but keeping one hand buried in Mikey's hair. "Just be careful my love, we don't know him." Pete nodded, kissing his temple.

"I think he's the one we should be worried about, seeing as we're about to shatter his entire worldview, but I'll be careful," he murmured, the cocky smile returning to his face. "It'll be alright Darling." He stood up and leaned down to give Mikey a kiss, dragging his fingers along his jaw. He tapped the tip of his nose then wandered to the kitchen, filling a glass of water and coming back to give it to Ray.

"Thanks," he said, sipping it gingerly. "Mikey said you could tell me what was happening." Pete glanced back at him with an eyebrow raised, and he smirked and gave a little wave. Pete stuck out his tongue then turned back to Ray, leaving Mikey smiling at his boyfriend's back.

"You might want to sit down for this."

Frank

Frank woke up in a bed, his entire body screaming in pain. He shot up, sucking as much air into his lungs as he could. His head swam, and eventually he realized he was in Gerard's room, still wearing the clothes from the bar. Only they were covered in blood.

Memories hit him like a train. The fight, the knife, Gerard's face as he lay in a pool of his own blood. Fuck, he was stabbed. He clawed at his shirt, pulling it up to find- 

Nothing. There wasn't even a scar, not a single trace that the knife that had impaled him had even existed. Blood was caked on his clothes, skin, and even on his face, but he didn't have a scratch on him. Fuck, how long had he been out?

He could hear echoes of conversation from the living room, sounding like Pete and… Ray? Right, Ray had been there, of course he'd have stayed to see if Frank was okay. But how long had he been there? 

The doorknob turned and Gerard walked in, his gaze locked on Frank's face for a moment before he was at his side, throwing his arms around Frank's neck.

"I was so scared." He sounded close to tears, his fingers curled into Frank's hair. "Fuck, I was so terrified it wouldn't work."

"What? What wouldn't work?" Frank's throat ached, but not like before, not the ache of bruises but like he hadn't had a glass of water in days. "How long was I out?"

"Just over an hour." Gerard pulled away, scrubbing his cheeks. "Listen, how much do you remember?" 

"I- I'm not sure, I remember getting-" he motioned to his stomach, "But there's nothing there, and… I don't know. Mikey was there, that's about the last thing I can remember." Gerard nodded, his face falling a little. "Why? What happened?"

"It was the only thing we could do, you were- you were dying-"

"Did you- did you turn me?" Gerard hesitated, twisting a ring on his right hand, before nodding slowly. Oh. Fuck. "Did- Did I die?" 

"Yes." Oh.

Frank didn't know what to say. He had died, and Gerard had brought him back, and now they could spend forever together. But he'd have to watch everyone around him get older. Charlotte and Trevor and Ray. But he'd never have to say goodbye to Gerard. 

The man in question brushed back Frank's hair, running his fingers through the strands.

"You should shower, you're still covered in blood." Frank hummed, bringing his hand up to his neck. The bruises were gone. 

"Can you come with me?" 

"Of course, mon chéri." Frank stood up, amazed at the fact that he didn't immediately keel over. Although he supposed there was hardly any blood rush to his head in the first place. Gerard's hand pressed to the small of his back, gently guiding him to the bathroom.

As he walked the last of the stiffness left his body, and it it felt as if he'd never even been hurt at all. He had to admit it felt incredible, even his ankle, that popped at the slightest movement, worked like a well oiled machine, the headache that came with the lack of sleep he'd almost gotten used to was gone. The ever present blockage in his nose this time of year? Gone. Even the ache that came if he flexed his wrist wrong from years of pushing himself too hard on guitar had vanished. 

He could hear the buzzing of the lights in the hallway, the neighbors downstairs watching TV, everything. He could smell the blood on his shirt, it hit him like a sledgehammer, but another breath in brought him the scent of not only his sweat and detergent, but the alcohol from the bar and even the too-clean smell of the store he'd bought it at.

Gerard hesitated at the door to the bathroom, studying Frank for a second before stepping inside and shutting the door. Frank pulled his shirt off, wincing at the stuff fabric and the flakes of blood that fluttered to the ground. He stared at the fabric in his hands, barely noticing Gerard moving behind him to start the shower. Frank watched him through the mirror, as he sat down on the edge of the tub, dark hair falling from behind his ears as he tested the temperature. 

Gerard caught his eye and smiled, bringing a blush to his face. He pointedly focussed on studying himself, trying to find any differences in his body. All of his old scars were still there, from various falls in his childhood, but something else was different, something he couldn't quite place. Another once over, and it hit him. His body had been altered, not drastically, but enough for him to notice it. His skin was softer, giving it that "glowing skin" effect that he'd never been able to achieve. Some of the muscle on his body, while not particularly slim before, had filled out a little more, while his fingers and face had slimmed out a little, his features sharpening. He still looked fundamentally the same, just… more.

"You okay?" Frank turned to face Gerard properly, sitting down in front of him and resting his chin on his knees.

"All things considered? Yeah. I'm hungry enough to eat a whale, but yeah." Gerard laughed, the sound creating a swelling sensation in Frank's chest, and placed his dry hand on his cheek. "I'm not exactly thrilled about all this, but I get to spend immortality with you, so overall this could be a good thing." He smiled a bit at the thought, living with Gerard in this apartment, getting to know Mikey and Pete better, seeing what will actually come of the world long after he should have been gone. Maybe it would be a good thing. 

They didn't really say much after that, just enjoying each other's company. Gerard's hand eventually drifted from his cheek to his neck, tracing the outlines of his tattoos. The water warmed and Gerard helped him into the bath. 

The water was heavenly, and it took everything in him to bite back the moan in his throat. Frank sank into the water until it came up to his chin, sighing. Gerard chuckled, ruffling Frank's hair and standing up. 

"Stay," Frank whined, "Please." Gerard sat down again, this time next to his head, his hands folded neatly in his lap.

"There are things you'll have to get control of, but we can talk about that later." Frank nodded a little and sat up, shivering a bit at the difference in temperature. "For now just relax, wash the blood out of your hair." 

The bathwater was a shade of pink by the time all of the blood was scrubbed out, and Gerard left to get Frank a change of clothes and let him rinse off.

Stepping out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his shoulders, hugging it around him like a blanket. He took a brush and started to pull it through his hair, wincing as it tugged through the knots that had formed in the last few days.

Gerard came back, holding a set of pajamas and a glass of water. 

"You'll still need water. Not as much, but you'll need it." Frank took the pajamas and tugged the pants on, keeping the towel around his shoulders.

"Thanks," he said, taking the glass. He felt Gerard’s gaze on him as he brought the glass to his lips. As much as he loved Gerard, he didn’t know how he felt about everything. He didn’t want to live forever, maybe he’d be with Gerard, but he knew he was in for a lot of pain. He felt himself start to shake as he pondered the thought, eventually dropping the glass in his state.

“Frankie?” Gerard slowly walked up to him, hesitantly touching his shoulder as Frank kneeled down to pick up the shards of glass. Frank just shook him off, cursing quietly as he cut his finger. He stood up to grab something but by the time he looked at his finger again, the cut was gone. That’s when it hit him.

Frank felt his vision get slightly blurry as he stumbled into Gerard’s arms. Fuck, he really wasn’t ever going to die, was he? This was really his life now? Forever? “Frankie,” Gerard repeated, his tone more worrisome, now than it had been. “Frankie, are you okay?”

Frank shook his head, feeling his heart begin to race. “No,” he murmured. “No, no, no. I can’t live forever. I can’t.”

“I know,” said Gerard, guilt heavy in his voice as he held his boyfriend to his chest. “I know, I’m sorry. I-I couldn’t lose you again.”

Frank looked Gerard in the eyes, his brows furrowed. “I-I promised Charlotte. I promised her I’d be by her side forever since she came out. That she’d never have to worry about losing me after losing everyone else. Now I fucking- I’m a fucking vampire and I’m gonna have to just fucking disappear on her and fucking leave her like I promised I never would.”

“You-you can tell her if you want,” Gerard said, not meeting Frank’s eyes. His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. But Frank was too frazzled to notice the pain and guilt in his voice.

“Well if I do that, I have to watch her die,” Frank said. “I don’t know what the better option is here! Either ditch her and leave her like everyone else in her life or watch her get old and die. Either way I’m losing my best friend! And she doesn’t deserve that.”

“I’m so-”

“At least you had Mikey when you turned. You didn’t have to deal with this, you had the person who cared about you.” Frank didn’t realize how bitter he sounded. How angry his voice seemed. He didn’t even really register the hurt expression on Gerard’s face. Not angry, just hurt. Just scared.

“I didn’t have him right away,” Gerard murmured. “I thought I was gonna lose him. And then there wa- there was Thomas.” At this point, Frank had felt his breathing slow and he really registered the weight of what he had said. He sighed and felt himself collapse into Gerard’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just… I’m scared. Of what’s gonna happen. To me, to Charlotte… Even if I do tell her, she’s gonna be absolutely devastated. Trevor and I are really all she has.” Gerard let out a soft noise, running his fingers through Frank’s hair. “I don’t want to leave her.” One of Gerard’s arms lay across his chest, and he clung to it, holding him like a lifeline. “I didn’t mean it. You don’t deserve what I said. You were just trying to help.” Gerard was silent, and Frank’s heart seized. “I know you care, I wasn’t saying you don’t. But there’s people who rely on me, I can’t just… drop everything."

"I know, I know," Gerard murmured, "It's not fair of me to ask you to." His touch was achingly gentle as he ran his fingers down Frank's cheek. "I'm sorry this happened to you, I'm sorry I did this to you. I didn't have any other choice, I couldn't just let you die." Frank nodded, playing with Gerard's fingers. 

Shouting erupted from the door and Frank shot to his feet, pulling the shirt over his shoulders as he burst through the door.

Ray was on his feet, his voice louder than Frank had ever heard it, and Mikey was standing between him and Pete, his hand holding on to Pete's elbow, keeping the shorter man behind him. 

Ray froze when he saw Frank, the blood draining from his face. He rushed over and held him at arm's length, scrutinizing every detail of his face before pulling him into a hug.

"I thought you were dead!" He said into Frank's shoulder, and Frank tried to respond, he really did, but something about being this close to Ray… he could hear his heartbeat and smell his blood through his skin. Fuck, he was hungry. He'd barely eaten all day. Maybe just a little-

Frank threw himself off Ray, falling to the floor and pushing himself back more until he was leaning against a wall. What the fuck was wrong with him? He could feel the beginnings of fangs sliding out over his gums, ready to bite. He pulled his knees to his chest, ignoring every bell in his head that told him to stand up, to-

Gerard dropped to his knees next to him, grabbing his chin and forcing his gaze away from Ray.

"Frankie, look at me. You're going to be okay. We won't let you hurt anyone,” he soothed, his hand shifting from Frank’s chin to his cheek. Frank let his eyes drift shut, leaning into the touch. “I should have got you something as soon as you woke up, I’m sorry.” Footsteps approached from the direction of the kitchen, and Frank opened his eyes to see Pete, holding a couple of bags in his hands. “Pete’s going to show you what to do, okay?” Frank nodded slightly, and Pete sat down in front of him, crossing his legs with the bags in his lap.

“Okay, I’m not going to lie to you, the first time sucks—Mikey, Darling, light of my life, don’t you dare—so it’s not great, but you’ve got to do it. I find it heIps to think of tomato juice or something like that.” Frank nodded and let his legs fall, studying the bags in Pete’s lap. They were the bags they kept donated blood in, and some sick part of him was fascinated by the way the liquid moved. Or maybe that was just the hungry part of him. Pete grimaced at his expression and held out one of the bags. “You can tear off the plastic over the valves and use it as a sort of straw, and for the first couple months you’ll need about three of these a week. As the bag gets emptier you can open another valve so it's not a vacuum." Frank nodded, taking the bag and turning it over in his hands. He could smell the blood through the plastic and as much as the thought made him want to vomit, he was almost salivating.

He opened a valve hesitantly, the smell of blood once again slapping any other thoughts from his mind. Pete leaned in a fraction of an inch, eyeing the open bag, but still giving Frank space. His fingers shook a little as he brought it to his mouth, preparing himself to gag.

He didn't. Before he knew it the bag was empty, and he grabbed eagerly at the other bags in Pete's lap. Gerard was still next to him, his hand in his hair again, softly stroking the dark strands. Frank finished the bags in a few minutes, feeling significantly better with something in his stomach. He looked up to see Ray staring at him, eyes wide.

"Are- are you okay?" He sounded hesitant, scared. Frank wanted to comfort him but didn't trust himself to get off the floor, so he just nodded. "Was that… blood?" Frank glanced at Pete, who nodded slowly, and turned back to Ray and nodded again. "Okay." His eyes glazed over and he sat down, twirling a strand of his hair.

"Hey Frankie," Gerard murmured, "You're going to be really tired these first couple days, just, let me know if you need anything, mon chéri." 

"Okay," he hummed, twisting to look at him. Some of the pain from what he had said still lingered in Gerard's eyes, and Frank hated the idea that he’d been the cause of that. “I’m sorry.” He cupped Gerard’s cheek, brushing his thumb across the tender skin. “I don’t know why I said what I did, I-" he broke off, searching for something to say, but nothing came to mind. "I love you," he eventually said, pouring as much emotion as he could muster into those three words. 

“I know… I love you too,” Gerard murmured, leaning into his touch a little more. "You look tired, do you want to go to bed?" Frank nodded, and Gerard helped him stand before sweeping him off his feet, carrying him bridal style to the bedroom. 

Gerard set him down gently on the bed, keeping his hand on the back of his neck and sitting down next to him. Frank curled into his chest, sighing as Gerard wrapped his arms around him. 

"Gee I-" Gerard pressed a finger to his lips, kissing his forehead.

"Hush, my love, it's okay. It's a lot to process, I know." Frank nodded, pulling away for a second to drag the blankets over their shoulders. "Is there anything you want to do?" Gerard asked when he settled into his side again.

"I just want to cuddle," Frank sighed, pressing his face into Gerard's neck. "I missed you this week."

"I missed you too."

"Of course the first time I see you in a week I fucking die." He laughed bitterly, "As if I haven't been through enough shit already." He fell silent, unsure of what to say, but Gerard filled the quiet with a song. It was one of the songs by the Killers he'd liked but never bothered to actually listen to enough to learn it. 

"Don't break character," he sang, half whispering the words in Frank's ears, "You've got a lot of heart. Is this real or just a dream? Rise up like the sun, Labor 'til the work is done." After each line he paused and kissed Frank's temple, the backs of his knuckles trailing down his cheeks. When he finished he tipped Frank's chin up and kissed his forehead, lingering there. 

"Is this the end? Of my life as I know it?" He sounded so broken, so lost, and Gerard looked so crestfallen at his words, but he couldn't help it.

"Every second is the end of your life as you know it, mon chéri, but yes, things will have to change." Frank nodded, and Gerard's face fell a little before he rushed to add; "Please don't dwell on it now, you need to sleep. We can figure it out first thing tomorrow." 

"Okay," he lied, and a twinge of guilt plagued his heart before Gerard smiled. That damn smile made everything else seem inconsequential. Even as upset as he was, angry and sad and scared, all it took was a twitch of Gerard's lips and he felt better. Not necessarily good, but better. 

He laid down, panicking a little until Gerard laid down next to him and pulled him close. A soft kiss was placed on the back of his neck, and maybe it wasn't a lie after all.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the end of this story.  
> It's been a long time my friends and we've had so much fun writing this and reading all of your comments.  
> I promise you'll get the Petekey story soon, once I decide it's good enough to post or I think it's done but god knows when that'll be  
> So I hope you had as much fun with this as we did, please leave a comment telling us what you think!  
> Love, Raven

Frank

Seven Years Later

"Hey Frank!" Pete's voice echoed through the living room, pulling Frank out of his book. "You've got a letter from some school." He tossed it in his lap, and Frank turned it over to see the logo of his old high school staring him in the face.

Gerard, who had been sitting next to him on the couch, leaned in to read over his shoulder. As soon as Frank unfolded the letter he knew what it was, and he had no intention of going.

"Frankie, it's your ten year reunion!" He snatched the letter out of his hands, going through it several times. "You should go!"

"Do I have to?" Gerard raised an eyebrow, clearly trying to hide a grin as he handed the letter back.

"I mean you don't have to, but I'd love to see your school and it's interesting to see how people have changed. Besides, you'll get to show me off for once." He rested his chin on Frank's shoulder, his golden eyes glittering. "Come onnnn, it'll be fun! You'll only get to go to the first couple ones before people get suspicious."

"Alright, alright, fine, but only because it's less than an hour away, and because you asked so nicely." He tapped Gerard's nose, a smile growing on his own face as well. 

"You don't have to dress up for them you know," Frank said, leaning in the doorway of their room, "Trust me, no one else is going to look even half as good as you, you don't have to make it harder for them." Gerard laughed, straightening his shirt and running a hand through his hair before turning to face Frank.

"I think you've got me beat any day of the week, mon chéri." He hooked an arm around Frank's waist, using his other hand to tip up his chin. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Frank's left hand was tucked neatly in the crook of Gerard's elbow, the band on his finger a stark gold against the black fabric of Gerard's sleeve. He studied it sometimes, convinced it was some kind of dream, as if Gerard hadn't worn a matching one for nearly five years now.

His stomach turned violently as they approached the doors, his breath catching in his chest.

"Hey," Gerard murmured, "You got this." 

"I love you." Gerard kissed the top of his head.

"I love you too."

"Let's do this." He pushed the door open with his free hand, pulling Gerard with him. A couple people were already there, Ray, a couple of the old football players, other people he didn't recognize. Fuck, it was erie being back here, with the empty hallways and the different shade of paint on the walls. 

Ray was talking to the football players, so Frank dragged Gerard over there, tightening his grip on his arm. 

"Oh good, you made it," Ray sighed, "I was half expecting you wouldn't come."

"Gee had to half drag me here, don't worry."

"What, like I'd let you miss this?" Gerard teased, "Things like this don't come around very often, you know." 

"Oh fuck off, you sound like my mom." Gerard laughed, pressing a kiss to Frank's hair. Ray cleared his throat, shooting Frank a look. "Oh, right."

"So Iero," one of the football players said, Keith, if Frank remembered correctly, "When did… all this happen? You in some sort of phase?"

"Yeah turns out the whole 'being straight' thing was a phase. This is my husband Gerard. Gee this is… Keith?" Keith nodded, his eyes wide as he held out his hand for Gerard to shake. 

"Husband. Congratulations. How long?" 

"Oh, how long now mon chéri? Five years this December right?"

"Like I could forget it." Frank turned to Keith, taking hold of Gerard's arm again. "He came in the day before my birthday with this box, heavy as fuck, and just set it down in front of me. He's this fucking fantastic artist and in the box was all the drawings he'd made of me, two whole sketchbooks and tons of loose papers. The last page in the box just had the words 'marry me?' written on them and I look up to see him on one knee with a ring in his hand." He brought his free hand up to his neck, where the ring was on a chain. Just a simple silver band with a small red stone set in it, but it remained one of Frank's most important possessions. "Little did he know I'd been planning to propose for weeks and was just carrying the ring around, waiting for the right moment." He leaned into Gerard's side, sighing happily at the memory. Keith stood there awkwardly, his eyes glued to Frank's wedding ring. Frank could practically feel Gerard holding in a laugh, the tips of his ears going pink from the effort. 

A few more people had arrived at this point and a man clapped his hands twice, pulling Frank out of his head. Gerard's hand rested on the small of his back as they gathered around the man, shifting to his waist after a moment. If the conversation with Keith had been any indication, this might actually be pretty fun.

The man introduced himself as the current principal and welcomed back the other alumni, then began a tour of the school. They'd painted the walls and updated the technology, but other than that not much else had changed. 

About halfway through the tour they reached the library, and Gerard left Frank's side to browse the shelves. 

"Hey Frankie," a woman's voice said from behind him, and hearing the nickname from someone who wasn't Gerard made Frank freeze for a moment. "How've you been?" He unfroze and turned around to see Caitlyn Reynolds eyeing him. Fuck. He couldn't get his throat to work. "Did you miss me?" He stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket and took a step back, twisting his ring anxiously.

"I'm pretty sure you cheated on me with my lab partner sophomore year, so no, not really," he said at last, the words sounding bitter, even to himself. Shit, was he really not over that? No. It was just the school dragging up old memories. He had moved on, what she had done didn't matter anymore. It was nice to see the look on her face though. She recovered quickly, placing a hand on her hip and smiling.

"Oh, but that was years ago! Tell you what," she stepped closer, "what d'ya say we ditch this place and I can make it up to you." Aaaand there it was.

"I'm married." Please take the fucking hint.

"I'm sure she won't mind." She took another step, forcing Frank to back into a table. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"I do mind, actually," Gerard cut in, sliding his arm around Frank's waist once more. "So if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to speak with my husband." A life saver that man was. Frank melted into his side, willing Caitlyn to go away with everything he had.

“Husband, hm?” she chuckled to herself. “That’s new. You've been pretty busy these past few years. You like guys now?”

“Turns out I never was into girls after all,” Frank said, feeling Gerard hook his waist to pull him in closer. 

Her mouth curled into a disgusted grimace and her arms crossed. “Wow, can’t believe I spent a year fucking with a faggot.”

“Woah-” Frank chuckled bitterly. “Let’s not go there. I wasn’t interested anyway, hun, I’d recommend you leave. I haven’t talked to you since sophomore year and that was a pretty great streak if you ask me. Buh bye.”

She glared at him, then tossed her hair over her shoulder and stormed off.

“Well that was…”

“I swear to god if you say interesting I will steal that pen you love for a week,” Frank warned.

“...Unfortunate,” Gerard finished. “Are you okay?”

"Yeah, I- Fuck I haven't been that uncomfortable since Thanksgiving." He didn't have to say which Thanksgiving, they hadn't celebrated it in seven years. Gerard took his hand and pressed it to his lips, kissing each of his knuckles in turn.

"We can leave if you want, I don't want to make you stay."

"No, no, I'm okay. I just need a minute." Gerard nodded, rubbing his hand up and down his back.

The tour began to move on so they followed a bit to the back, Gerard's fingers pressed to the small of Frank's back. 

The rest of the tour passed in a sort of blur, with Frank whispering little stories he remembered from the days he had gone here. 

"You, mon étoile," Gerard murmured when they got a moment alone, "Are an excellent tour guide."

"I'm just telling you what I can remember, it's not that great." 

"Oh, but I like hearing about what you were like before we met, it makes you so much more interesting." Gerard tucked a curled finger under his chin, tipping his head up.

"I wasn't interesting enough to you before?" Frank gasped with mock hurt, pressing a hand to his chest. "Such a shame you're stuck with me for the rest of eternity."

"Oh it's not so bad, I do so enjoy that pretty face of yours." He leaned down and captured Frank's lips in a kiss, sighing as Frank pulled him closer by his belt loops. Gerard's hands wove into his hair and pressed against his back. 

After a minute Gerard pulled away, pressing a finger to Frank's lips when he tried to follow his mouth. That radiant smile lit up his face, the one that made Frank's knees weak, even after all this time.

"As much as I would love to continue," Gerard swept his eyes up and down Frank's body, "We are still in your old high school and I don't particularly want to deal with what'll happen if we're caught." 

"And what exactly were you thinking we could do?" Gerard pursed his lips. “You’re no fun,” Frank said with a smirk. “C’mon, live a little. The classrooms are all empty. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Gerard sighed and threw his arms around Frank’s shoulders. “Alright dearest, you’ve convinced me.” Frank grinned and kissed him again, letting the emotions of the night take it from there.

"Whoa, you guys had fun," Pete said as they walked in the door. Frank’s eyes were wild as he shot Pete an open mouthed grin and ran his fingers through his rat’s nest of dark hair. He looked over at Gerard, who’s tie was undone around his neck, hair in a graceful mess and the top two buttons of his shirt undone as he wrapped his arms around Frank’s shoulders.

“Well, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting,” Frank chuckled as he felt Gerard press a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Still fucking sucked, but wasn't a complete disaster.”

Pete laughed and patted the seat next to him, motioning for Frank and Gerard to sit down. Gerard took the lead, pulling Frank to sit on his lap as he smiled at his friend. “How’d you and Mikey entertain yourselves without us?”

Pete looked the two up and down before saying, “I think the same way you two did, we just clean up better.”

Gerard slapped him, laughing as Frank scoffed. “That's cuz you two are boring.”

“No, we've just had more practice,” Pete said with a cheeky grin. As if on queue, Mikey walked in with hair falling in his face and sticking up at random angles. “Right, Darling?” Mikey leaned on the arm of the couch and kissed his cheek.

"Your shirt's on inside out," he said, tugging on the fabric and grinning.

"I hate you." Pete tried to swat at him but Mikey stood up and backed up into the kitchen.

"No you don't," he called over his shoulder, starting the coffee maker. Pete climbed over the couch as Mikey got out mugs, creeping up behind him. Mikey turned around just in time to pick him up by the waist, pressing his face into his neck as they both burst out laughing.

Gerard sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around Frank's middle, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

"You alright?" Frank covered Gerard's hands with his own, curling closer into his side.

"I love you," he whispered, "I'm so happy that they're happy," he nodded at Mikey and Pete, still laughing as they clung to each other, "That you're happy. I'm just… happy."

Frank sighed and leaned into his husband. "Well, I'm happy you're happy too." Gerard chuckled and pressed a kiss to his hair as they snuggled into each other. Frank genuinely couldn't see his life being any better. Everything was perfect, he never had to see the bigots that raised him ever again and he got to spend forever—literal, genuine, forever—with the love of his life. His soulmate. This was all so perfect. And this definitely wasn't the end. No, it was nowhere near the end. There was still going to be violence and suffering, and eventually Frank was going to have to deal with losing Ray and Charlotte and Trevor. But he didn't want to think about that now, he didn't want to think about that for years. Because right now he had everything. Everything he needed. Everything he could ever want. And he was happier than he'd ever been. 

**Author's Note:**

> please leave feedback!!! i absolutely adore seeing response from y'all:)) it makes my day


End file.
